9 Ways to Heal All Your Relationships

Time Does Not Heal

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Do you believe that if you focus on just 9 areas of your life you can actually  heal all of your relationships?  Does that seem too good to be true? Is that really possible?  Not only is it possible, it is the Only way to truly heal your relationships.

Remember the saying “Time heals all wounds”?  The truth is, time heals wounds that have been scraped and cleaned, with old debris and diseased tissue removed.  If some of the unhealthy tissue remains as the wound closes over, the disease process smolders and continues beneath the surface.  Our capacity for love and ability to create truly loving relationships is not that different.

As I often say, the solution to all relationship problems is simple.  However, the process is not easy.  It does require effort.  It does take time.  It also takes focused attention in the right way.  And it requires letting go of what no longer serves you.

Creating loving relationships IS totally possible for every one of us.  What differentiates those who do and those who don’t is actually the very same qualities or skills needed to create success in any area of life.

Successful relationship creators do what others won’t do in order to eventually have what others won’t have!

Are YOU ready to become a successful relationship creator? Discover the 9 areas of focus for relationship healing and get started NOW.

To your relationship success.

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

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25 thoughts on “9 Ways to Heal All Your Relationships

  1. I agree, time DOES heal but not everything. Some times it takes more to reach that freedom from being angry and hurt. I resolved a 20 year issue with my mother that had been building up badly. I was mad about a lot of things…. thankfully not taking it out on others, but it was hard to get over those issues without addressing them. I even shared them with my father who never knew how I was feeling, and he got emotional about it. I know when I sent my mother the long time needed letter that I could breathe a lot easier.

    • Nil,

      I want to commend you for paying attention to your own feelings, not ignoring them, and then finally expressing what you felt you needed to say to your mother. And I love that you felt you could actually breathe a lot easier. It takes a toll on our body and our life and all of our relationships when we hold unexpressed feelings in.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  2. I find I’m a pretty forgiving person – mostly because I refuse to carry the junk around with me. Trust on the other hand is another subject entirely – I can forgive and get along with someone who’s wronged me, but I never really forget and will never fully trust them again. You learn that lesson very well when you’ve been married to someone with a substance abuse problem.

    • Marquita,
      You have pointed out something really important, the issue of trust. The first step, as always, is to return to yourself. You learn to trust your own intuition, that nagging feeling inside when you know the truth. Trust for another person is really an illusion. Anyone can eventually disappoint us, change their mind, tell a lie, and do something we never expected. We can never know what is in another person’s mind. But we do know our own thoughts and that is all we can count on, trust, and even control.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

      • Dr. Erica, it’s exciting to see the trails you are blazing in the love and relationships arena. I appreciate yours and Marquita’s challenge to us to pay attention to our own thoughts, feelings, and intuition. Some of us need to learn to trust more, others of us need to learn more discrimination and judgment about who we trust, and how much.

  3. Hi Erica

    Thanks for this good post.

    I can only talk for my self I did it wife my Ex wife I hear that wound with forgiveness, and it works.

    Many time i say sorry to a person were that happen and it only do good to say I am sorry for …..”

    Thanks and Regards
    Theuns

    • Theuns,

      You have discovered that forgiveness is a huge part of creating loving relationships. Forgiving someone from the past frees you up to create more love in the present. And we have to learn how to forgive our family members and even our own self for whatever seems to block us from feeling completely loved and supported by life.

      And it all begins with feeling true gratitude for what we already have – and your Gratitude Game is surely teaching to all of us.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  4. Hi Erica –

    I was just watching last night on Netflix the second episode of a wonderful Nat’l Geographic series called “Africa”. Each episode focuses on a particular family or person(s) in a specific part of that fascinating continent. Last night dealt with a young boy on his first 1500 mile trade journey across the Sahara. They talked about how the camels develop cuts and sores from carrying all the weight of supplies. To ensure that the sores don’t grow and become infected, the men cauterise the wounds with hot iron rods, which is extremely painful for the camels, but it allows for healing and saves the camels in the long run.

    The same holds true for us when we are trying to heal old wounds. Eckhart Tolle is THE master in teaching how living in the now is the only way we can truly move forward with our lives. It may require forgiveness of the other person in order to let them go. It may require simply moving totally out of their lives and concentrating on our own. It may require some level of confrontation, in a loving but firm way in an attempt to resolve whatever issues there may be on either side. Who knows? But the fact is we find a way to either heal that relationship or seal it off from our ability to move forward and find new, more positive relationships.

    • Steve,

      Thanks for sharing that incredible story about people living at the other end of the world. It is so important to truly heal our wounds, not just put temporary bandaids on them hoping the problem will just miraculously go away. When I was a child, if I would fall and bump myslef, my father would press the bump down with a flat side of a knife. That was so very painful but the bump would no longer be there and the tissues would heal quickly.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

    • Justin,
      That is so true. If people really felt loved and lovable, why would they have any need or desire to hurt or abuse anyone else. They would only feel compassion and love. So those of us who do feel self love can help to teach and heal others.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  5. Dr. Erica,
    I love that your helping others understand that just the word love means nothing. It is a lifestyle and so many are confused as to expecting something from it?

    I know that unconditioanl love means just that. There is no one on earth that has to do with my situations. No one is pointing a gun at my head to do anything. So, what is the big confusion with being in love with someone. Hey, they don’t always see things your way. They may not be as blessed as you or even believe in God.

    You as an adult and understanding that you are responsible for everything that comes to you. Your health, even people being angery at you all the time. Even your emotions are controlled by you. Even if you feel embarrest no one can do that to you?

    I have been around so long. I have been married for over 17 years and still going. I do not agree with major area’s in my wifes life. Yet, that is my personal feelings and that is just what it is. Why would I waste energy, and time in controlling others feelings, and actions. I am only responsible for me and my emotions.

    I pray for everyone at 5AM each morning. I ask God to forgive me each Morning. I live with an attitude of graditute and lifestyle of a humble environment. I keep myself in a desciplin state, and do not react to negative things or peoples attitudes. I forgive others for everything, as I forgive myself.

    Hey, I am not stone, yet life is to simple when you understand emotions are only controlled by you. If someone I love yells at me and state this or that. I try to understand their feelings that would have them in that state. Nothing anyone says negative means anything to me at all. I do not react to foolishness, anger and all the other negative emotional responses. They are meaningless compared to the unconditional love God has for me. Therefore, I show compassion to others no matter what they have done or will do. I look at me first, last and only.

    I am having too good of a time daily to be worried, angry or upset. Those are all emotions I learned that are under, yes under my control. Nothing or no one can control my emotions except me.

    Hey, get over it and move on. You only have one life and it is not long enough. Why take one minute to be unhappy, evil, depressed or any other negative emotional state of mind. It’s your mind and now is the best time to start controlling it. This is easy for those who believed they are controll freaks. The only one any human can control is their self. You can’t control even a CAT…how can you control anyone or thing besides yourself.

    Dr. Erica, thank you for another powerful subject. I get so much release from your site. Your amazing and supportive in every situation. That is why your one of our great coaches in this industry. Your compassion is unyielding and warm. My heart goes out to all those who are struggling to face the truth. Get over those negative emotions and move on with having a real rich empowering lifestyle.

    Thank you Dr. Erica and I will be back for more learning.

    • William,

      You are stating such a simple and universal truth that most people just do not understand. My clients suffer so much emotional turmoil and I would have to say so much of it is from trying to get someone else to change. They also take their own emotions so seriously and often almost enjoy wallowing in the “poor me” emotional state. But maybe that is a stage that people do have to go through. Emotions take over and our brain gets stuck in a circular negative pattern. It may take an outside person (a therapist, clergy, healer, caring friend) to help an emotionally upset person to actually see the truth. Our emotions can be under our control once we develop a habit. We have to train our minds and continue to feed our self positive self talk. If it was so easy, everybody would just love each other unconditionally and there would be no need for fighting or for wars.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  6. I agree with you Dr. Erica that if left unchecked, disputes, heart aches, romantic disappointments, hurt of all kinds will not “self heal”, not matter how much time has lapsed. Emotional scars can stay for a long time, and it may be that if they are not dealt with, all we do is to learn to live with them. With time, they then become less painful, less vivid in our memories perhaps, but they are still there!

    • Stevie,
      The problem with not dealing with old emotional hurts is that they may lie dormant for a long time but can suddenly be triggered when we least expect it by some new person, experience, or life event. At that point, it may be much more devastating to attempt to deal with it. As Jack Canfield says, “Tell the truth sooner.” That means, tell yourself the truth sooner, and life will be so much easier in the long run.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

    • Ann,

      Time alone does not heal relationships. Sometimes there is some real work to do – self reflection, honest conversations with the person, if possible, visualization, writing (even if just writing for yourself to clear your head), counseling sessions with a person not involved in your situation who can bring a new perspective.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  7. Hello Dr Erica

    I have always believed that communication was key in any relationship, business or personal.

    I have seen many business relationships deteriorate simply because no one wanted to talk out the issues. They just hoped they would go away.

    Peter

    • Peter,

      That’s for sure. I have also, personally, talked about the problem to the wrong people instead of reaching the person who could really do something about it and having a conversation there.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  8. Hi Dr. Erica,

    yes, I agree with you that wounds need to be ‘scraped clean’ etc before they can heal.
    When we ‘throw the past into the future’ and are activated by old stuff which has nothing to do with the present relationship, we have very little chance of having harmonious interactions, unless the past was good.
    Clearing our own limited thinking and perspectives which don’t serve us anymore is probably the most important work we can do.

    Thank you for the thought provoking post.

    • Yorinda,

      In order to market our work or our own self for the creation of a wonderful relationship, we have to clean up our past insecurities, fears and negative thinking and move forward with optimism, enthusiasm and love.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  9. So very true about how healing really works. The wounds must absolutely be scraped clean and allowed to heal from the inside out. I think about emotional wounds as more like puncture wounds than anything else. And those must absoultely be allowed to bleed enough to cleanse the wound, then recleansed in some way, then kept open until they start healing from the inside.

    Otherwise, just like you say, the wound never heals and neither do you. Thank you for a great explanation of how this process really works. 🙂

    • Michael,

      So many of us try to put temporary band aids on our emotional wounds through unhealthy habits, e.g., addictions, avoiding and escaping instead of facing the issues, complaining and blaming others, or jumping into new relationships so we don’t have to feel the pain too intensely. The result is living with an underlying wound that can burst open at any time.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  10. Hello Dr Erica,
    Speaking about I just came back from Greece where I was raised and found out one of the diamonds of the GREEK language.

    The word EROS (love in Greek) has the same root than the word question in Greek (EROTISI)

    Being in the state of love is about the never ending questioning of the soul : asking “where is love in what I am doing now or what I am experiencing in the moment?” puts us in alignment with the energy of love for us and others.

    Thanks for sharing this message to the world.

    • Patricia,

      You bring up something so powerful Erotisi, being in a state of love. “Where is love in what I am doing now or what I am experiencing in the moment?” We lose track of that when we feel that someone else “should” be loving us, giving love to us, or just giving to us what we want. If we stop thinking that way, and keep focusing on “being love” in the moment, our world will definitely change.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

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