Are you Perfect or Perfectly Imperfect?
Are you trying to be “perfect” at work, with your family, and in love? Many of us believe we have to do “it,” whatever “it” is, perfectly. And if we do something wrong, something incorrectly, something that doesn’t work out as well as we had planned or expected, then we feel like a “perfect failure” or “perfectly imperfect.”
If you believe you are a perfect failure at work, with your family, with love, or with anything else in your life, what do you think would be your next step? Would you decide to:
* Give up and quit?
* Keep attempting to prove to everyone, including yourself,
that you’re not such a perfect failure – even though you may
have already programmed your subconscious to believe you are
a failure?
* Begin proving to yourself and everyone else that you are, in
fact a perfect failure by purposely and consciously being and
behaving in ways to insure that you will fail?
I just finished a Rubenfeld Synergy mind-body therapy session with a client whose modus operandi, learned in his early childhood, was that he had to be “perfect.” So, as he lay on the table, relaxed, meditative and contemplating how “being perfect” has affected his life, I asked him “What is the opposite of ‘being perfect’? His answer provided the clue to transforming his consciousness.
To this client, the opposite of “being perfect” is being “imperfect” or disorganized. So, if you believe that if you are not perfect, you are therefore imperfect, disorganized and whatever you are focused on will fall apart, how can you ever stop trying to be “perfect?”
Working with this client, I asked him if there is another way for him to describe a state of not being perfect. Finally, after some thought, he said, “I can be balanced.” And I added to that statement, “I can be balanced with ease.”
Now which would you rather be: “perfect,” “perfectly imperfect” or a “perfect failure,” or “balanced with ease” – at work, with your family, in your intimate love relationship, and anywhere else in your life? Please comment below and let me know what you think.








July 11th, 2010 at 12:02 am
Erica,
Can I ever relate to this. I also grew up thinking I had to be perfect. That everything I did had to be right the first time. I know this was a huge stumbling block i my relationships in the past. Add a huge dose of unworthiness on top and it meant I attracted lots of learning experiences.
It’s taken years to release that.
I like your statement – I am balanced with ease. I will borrow that,

Val
Val Wilcox recently posted..Renew Your Mindset With Faith
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July 11th, 2010 at 2:10 am
Val,
I also thought I had to be perfect, even doing something I couldn’t possibly know how to do. So that made it difficult to ask the basic questions that could help me to learn. So it is easy for me to relate to others with that mindset. It usually goes along with a sense of inadequacy.
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July 12th, 2010 at 6:41 pm
Hi Erica
It’s impossible to be perfect what a terrible place that would be if I felt like I had to be perfect. Being imperfect it being human don’t you think and that’s OK, but not to the point that all you think about is being a failure. Life is a balance…breath! I love that just breath and know there’s room for growth and growth will come as long as remain open to it! (-:
Debby
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 12th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
Debby, I love your use of the word “breathe.” Just stopping to take a breath allows our mind to clear and we can accept what is happening without either having to be perfect or feeling like a failure.
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July 12th, 2010 at 7:16 pm
erica, i have made an earnest attempt to not use the word “perfect” to avoid the unattainable, and i just resonate so well with how you have created a post around it. besides, who want to be “perfect”?
when i was wedding planning last year, there was such an emphasis on “perfect” that it made me gag. people asked if i’d found the perfect dress, perfect cake flavor, and perfect invitation. people commented how perfect my choices were and hoped that my day was just perfect! i didn’t have a perfect wedding, but guess what–i was perfectly fine with it!
love learning from you erica, thank you!
Melissa McCloud recently posted..Why I Had A Curfew At Age 26
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July 12th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
Melissa, That was fun for me, reading the way you used perfect for every aspect of your wedding. What an unnecessary stress. Isn’t getting married supposed to be about two people finding love and planning to share their joy with all their guests. That type of perfection pressure can eliminate most of the joy. Glad you didnm’t buy into it.
Erica
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July 12th, 2010 at 9:34 pm
Hi Dr. Erica,
I’m a recovering perfectionist – and I am in love with the phrase, “balanced with ease.” I’m going to reprogram myself with this new phrase.
The problem with perfectionism is that we can never be perfect so we are setting ourselves up for failure before we even get out of the starting gate! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Debbie Stevens recently posted..Where The Action Is
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 12th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
Recovering perfectionists are great. You probably still have that drive to do things well but you are cutting yourself a bit more slack along the way. And the end result is often accomplishing much more with balance and with ease.
Erica
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July 12th, 2010 at 10:19 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Debbie Stevens , Debbie Stevens . Debbie Stevens said: Are you perfect or perfectly imperfect? @DrErica's newest post. http://tinyurl.com/26r48ns [...]
July 13th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
I would describe myself as perfectly happy with being imperfect and always striving to be better. Thanks for the great post.
Michael
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
July 13th, 2010 at 9:41 pm
Michael, To be able to describe yourself as “perfectly happy” says a lot about you. Thanks for sharing. Erica
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July 16th, 2010 at 4:50 am
Erica,

Wonderful post on that perfect imperfection that we all share as human beings. It’s definitely our imperfections that distinguish us from each other and make us interesting. Of course, it’s taken me a half century on the planet to make some peace with my imperfections
Thanks so much,
Adam
Dr. Adam Sheck recently posted..Sexless Relationship Don’t Be A Statistic!
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Adam, From what I can see and have seen, you are pretty perfect just the way you are. Warmly, Erica
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July 16th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Hi Erica,
Do you know I think I’m probably the most imperfect person alive, but I do know that tomorrow I get another opportunity to improve.
Keep smiling
Chris

Chris Hilaire recently posted..Mekong River – Catfish
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July 16th, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Striving for perfection has caused a lot of pain in my life. I have come to recognize my strengths and my weaknesses. I am beginning to become the me that I was created to be!
Kevin M. recently posted..Favourite Links Friday 7-16-10
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
Kevin, That’s exciting to become more and more your authentic self. What could be better than that? Warmly, Erica
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July 16th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Thank you for the great post.
I have learned to accept my perfect imperfection.
In the larger picture everything is perfect anyway.
Keeping my thoughts aligned with that is my perfect challenge.
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
Yorinda, I liked your perfect alliteration in your comment.
You are so right, “Inthe larger picture everything is perfect anyway.” As they said in a great book, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” We have to learn to accept ourselves and everyone else, just the way we are – makes life so much easier.
Thanks. Erica
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July 24th, 2010 at 2:02 pm
I think the persuit of perfection or the fear of failure holds so many people back. I think as long as we give our best even if it is not perfect that is the best we can do. We are all works in progress and I don’t think we will ever be perfect. This was a great post, thanks for sharing!
Angela recently posted..A Cool Free Seo Tool For Your Blog Posts and Articles
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 26th, 2010 at 12:45 am
Angela, I totally agree. We are all works in progress and all we can really do is give it our best. And when we keep doing that, amazing results can happen.
Erica
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July 30th, 2010 at 4:42 am
Being perfect was only with critical people in my life. With compassinate, understanding people you are accepted with all your in-perfections. Trying to be perfect just means your surrounding yourself with others who expect alot from you because they expect alot from themselves.
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Barbara Bremen Reply:
July 30th, 2010 at 4:47 am
and thats putting alot of pressure on yourself. Being in-perfect is so much more fun and relaxing
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 30th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
And we have to remember to allow our beloved partners, significant others, to also have the leeway of their imperfections.
Erica
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