Are you sexually normal?
What is normal sexuality?
Now that I’ve got your attention, let me start by saying that most of us can’t really judge who or what is “normal.” Normal indicates that the behavior fits within the norm of what the majority of people do. But what if the majority of “normal” people are not “healthy” and what if “healthy” people are not considered “normal” because they are different from the norm.
A new sex survey was just published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine by a team of Indiana University researchers. “Researchers surveyed 5,865 men and women between the ages of 14 and 94 regarding their sexual behaviors, patterns of condom use and the percentage of Americans participating in same-sex encounters.”
Here are some of the findings:
* Men and women experience sex very differently. Men are more likely to orgasm through sexual intercourse but women more easily orgasm through a variety of sexual activities.
* Men and women perceive each other’s orgasmic experiences differently. A higher percentage of men (85%) thought their female partner had an orgasm while only 64% of the female partners claim they did.
* Many teenagers are abstaining from sex even though they see so much explicit sexuality diplayed on TV and movies. My question is, then what are they doing? Are they totally abstaining for moral or health reasonsl, while still getting involved in intimate relationships, or are they self-stimulating while watching online porn sites and avoiding intimate contact?
* Only 1 in 4 acts of intercourse include condoms; among singles 1 in 3 acts involve condoms. This statistic can be quite scary when we watch the news and observe so much rampant infidelity. Many people are putting their partner at risk for STD’s including chlamydia, herpes, HIV, and even some diseases that we thought had been irradicated years ago, syphilis and gonnorhea.
* “Many older adults continue to have active pleasurable sex lives, reporting a range of different behaviors and partner types, however adults over the age of 40 have the lowest rates of condom use.”
* Only 7% of women and 7% of men report being gay, lesbian or bisexual, but the proportion of men and women who have had same sex sexual experiences is much higher.
National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB)
So, are you sexually normal? Are you openly sharing your desires and needs with your intimate partner or are you keeping the status quo at home while seeking private fantasy fulfillment elsewhere?
Please share your comments and thoughts about this sensitive topic. Feel free to keep your own private life private but do share your values, insights or concerns.
Dr. Erica
Author of Love Me, Touch Me, Heal Me: The Path to Physical, Emotional, Sexual and Spiritual Reawakening
Check out my new blog site, www.HealthyBabyBoomersNetwork.com
October 5th, 2010 at 7:48 am
Hi Dr Erica,
In my younger days I was very cagy about verbalising my sexual desires …I am a baby boomer and for unknown reasons we did not talk about it
I am now a lot more relaxed about the subject and encourage my children to be open about their thoughts.
Some of your stats are scary in todays world.
Also was surprised about the younger singles.
Well I am going over to your new “boomers blog” and see what it is all about.
Cheers
Bryan
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Bryan,
Thanks for your thoughtful comments. As baby boomers, we were brought up to be very innocent sexually and then it seemed to change overnight and free love became the norm. Not surprising that you didn’t talk about it.
Thanks for checking out my new Healthy Baby Boomers Network. My goal is to be a resource to keep us all healthy and productive and happy for years to come. I also created a Healthy Baby Boomers Facebook group to facilitate discussions.
Warmly,
Erica
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October 5th, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Hi Dr. Erica,
Very interesting statistics. I am surprised that condom use is so low (especially in singles!). It is like playing Russian roulette with STDs, isn’t it? Why risk it when there is a simple solution?
I am happy to see that teenagers are abstaining – hopefully for health and moral reasons.
Wendy
Wendy Hewlett recently posted..Self-Discovery Through Social Media
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 3:52 pm
Wendy,
Thanks for commenting. One caution, however, is that there were less than 6000 participants in this study. That is a very small percentage of the population. When Kinsey did his studies many years ago, the sample sizes were over 20,000. With the political climate the way it has been, there has been scarce funding for sexuality surveys.
Erica
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October 6th, 2010 at 3:08 am
Hi Erica,
hot topic, wow.
Interesting statistics even though they are based on a small number.
Good to hear that teenagers are abstaining.
I have been happily single for over two years and find that if I monitor what I watch on TV I am happy cuddling up to my hotwater bottle.
Love and Joy
from
Yorinda
Yorinda recently posted..Kiyosaki’s Free Powerpack on Rich Dad
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 4:56 am
Yorinda,
Your response made me smile. It’s great to be happily single, happy with yourself. So many of us are craving relationships to get away from facing our own self. Hot water bottles can certainly be comforting.
Erica
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October 6th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
This topic is one we are having with our 15 year old son. He is telling us of all the stories of the kids having sex “in school”. In the bathrooms, etc. He’s heard some graphic stories from a couple of girls in his classroom even. Wow! Something needs to be done.
Regards,
Mike
Mike Pedersen recently posted..Real Estate Professionals Are You Guilty
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Mike,
I think the “abstinence only” programs did not work. Children need education about sexuality and the research needs to be supported. I applaud you for helping your son to feel safe enough to tell you all about what he has heard about what is going on.
Warmly,
Erica
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October 6th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
Hi Erica,
I had heard a bit on this study so it’s good to hear all the facts from it, even though as you say, the numbers are a very small percentage of the population.
Many things change through the years, yet some stay the same. I’m glad there is a more openness a bout sexuality than when I was growing up. So many questions and worries without any good resources to ask questions of.
Val
Val Wilcox recently posted..Staying In Integrity
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 9:56 pm
Val,
But there was a good side to our innocence. Sexuality wasn’t flaunted in our faces. We had programs like I Love Lucy, Father Knows Best and The Honeymooners. I have recently watched the Lawrence Welk Show replays. It was all so innocent – but it didn’t teach us about what to do when confronted by our own sexuality and that of others.
Warmly,
Erica
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October 7th, 2010 at 2:51 am
Aloha Dr. Goodstone, what an interesting topic. Gosh I would think the encounters of interaction would be higher, since we hear so much of infectious diseases being spread. But I suppose same sex relations are being more open but still not so much excepted. I think we as people just need to take our time and get to know ourselves and others and take the next step with care. Thanks for sharing! Lanikee.com
PS..come by and share a sweet comment. The benefits are sharing is caring. Mahalo!
Lani Kee, Mind Mapping Techniques recently posted..RSS Submission – A Set And Forget System
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 15th, 2010 at 12:22 am
Lani,
Sorry for the delayed response but I just found your comment today. You are so right, we seem to still be a long way off from openly discussing our own sexuality. We do need to take the time to know our own selves first and be careful before jumping into situations that feel like fun and joy at the moment but can lead to disease and other problems.
Erica
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October 8th, 2010 at 7:17 pm
You write about such interesting topics Erica and thanks for sharing these statistics. Some were quite surprising. As for my wife and I, I have always considered us normal by our standards and that’s all that is important for me. I will say that we now (I’m 62 and she’s 55) have just as much fun doing other things outside of sex that we find just as much joy in, such as going for a long walk with the dogs and just being in the moment with each other. I now appreciate this so much more since my past life was consumed with so much business travel without her.
Michael
Mr.Perosonal Development Michael Berry recently posted..Personal Development Simplified
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 9th, 2010 at 7:25 am
Michael,
It seems as if your consciousness and your relationship have evolved to a point where you enjoy and appreciate the time your spend together, and sexuality is just one aspect. As they sometimes say, When sex is working it is only a small percent of the relationship but when it is a problem, it takes up a huge percentage.
Warmly,
Erica
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October 9th, 2010 at 3:30 am
Erica,
Great post with very useful statistics. I think more than anything, people want to know that they’re not alone, that they’re not freaks and deviants, that whatever they choose to do or not do sexually, that they are okay, that while they may not be “normal” at least they’re not abnormal. The world changes so much, yet stays the same.
Thanks,
Adam
Dr. Adam Sheck recently posted..Passion Tip- All Day Foreplay
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 9th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Adam,
Problem is, there isn’t an exact way of being normal. Sexuality is quite individual, involving one’s thoughts, memories, lifestyle, personality, experiences. But people feel better if they seem to fit within some sort of norm.
Warmly,
Erica
[Reply]
October 9th, 2010 at 4:24 am
Erica…I am sure in my life I have had many views of what may be considered “normal” or not. I have realized over time that my conclusions were often based upon personal biases and not on knowing individuals and being known by them. Now I tend to think there are some things that are damaging for some and not so much for others. The key, I believe, is to simply be open to who people actually are and where they are right now. As people learn to feel honored and loved by others they tend to engage in less damaging activities for themselves…no matter whether someone else is judging them for what is “normal” or not.
Thanks for your very insightful post.
Bruce Backman recently posted..Keep Working at Your Game-an example from Dimitar Berbatov
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 9th, 2010 at 7:29 am
Bruce,
Thanks for offering your own insights on this sometimes very sensitive topic. It is so true that as we feel loved by our own self and by others, we tend to have less desire to engage in damaging activities. But what one person considers damaging might seem quite benign and normal to someone else.
Warmly,
Erica
[Reply]
October 9th, 2010 at 11:29 am
This is a culture based discussion. With my background and cultured belief system I look at what is happening today with a jaundice eye. Because of a life of 50 years of marriage, I have trouble understanding what passes for normal today. Love is what drives my sexuality. Nothing more nothing less. Sex as you get older is nice, but love is better. But I would like to meet that Stud who is still active at 94 in your survey.
Nelson recently posted..“The Eye Chart and Boston Creme Pie”
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 10th, 2010 at 2:27 am
It’s a pleasure to hear from people like you with good, solid values. Valuing love first is essential for creating purpose and fulilling a life worth living. By the way, the 94 year old stud may be a loving, sensual man. There are no explicit details about the sexual behavior.
[Reply]
October 9th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Dr. Erica
This survey reminds me of the happiest day for the Pastor on board the ship when I was in the Navy when every old guys and young guys was asked where we went when we returned the condoms unused the amazing story was to the sugar loaf to look at a statue of Jesus with his hands out. We odd think was the next day and the next until the day we left Brazil more guys young and old where more interested in the beaches and tourism then the sex houses with the Neon lights saying open. The reason I think was health for one, but the young guys 16 to 21. I was 24 at the time just really where not interested in sex period. We where more interested in seeing the world.
Why today with young people is sex even important I waited until I was married. Call me old fashion but it still works.
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 10th, 2010 at 2:29 am
I guess you had a passion, being at sea and exploring the world. Many young people today have not developed solid loving values and they are often lacking an inner passion. Thanks for sharing your sense of the significance of a committed, loving marriage.
Warmly,
Erica
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October 14th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Very interesting subject. Thanks for the statistics.
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October 15th, 2010 at 12:23 am
Alexander,
Thanks for stopping by to comment.
Warmly,
Erica
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October 16th, 2010 at 12:42 am
Michael,
It seems as if your consciousness and your relationship have evolved to a point where you enjoy and appreciate the time your spend together, and sexuality is just one aspect. As they sometimes say, When sex is working it is only a small percent of the relationship but when it is a problem, it takes up a huge percentage.
Warmly,
Erica
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 16th, 2010 at 3:20 am
True, and as we age sexual problems can become more frequent. But as you say, if the relationship evolves, that becomes just a small issue.
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October 16th, 2010 at 11:28 am
Erica,
Loved reading this post, it has some great information that I was not aware of, especially about teens since I have one in the house.
Appreciate this.
Lori
Lori Robertson recently posted..Why Are You POOR
[Reply]
October 31st, 2010 at 2:31 am
Impotence in young males can be really stressful and it can also turn out to be a downward spiral due towards the fact that 1 bad experience can lead to a large amount of self doubt and anxiety.
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
October 31st, 2010 at 2:44 am
Wilma, that is so true. This is where just a few sessions of counseling, specifically sex therapy, can make a huge difference – sometimes for the rest of a man’s life. If an incident of impotence occurs and a young man can talk about it and understand why it happened, in what ways he felt anxious or uncomfortable, he can learn what it takes for him to relax in future relationships.
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