Creating Loving Relationships – What Question Do You Ask?

Creating Love Question

Creating Love Question

Each of us has a unique personality style, based upon many factors. We have a genetic code, a family of origin, a social and economic culture in which we were raised, and our education – to name just a few of the many factors that affect our personality and view of the world. So, if we have had so many different influences upon our thinking process, why is it that we expect our partners and friends to just understand us? Why don’t we realize that their minds are filled with thoughts and memories, emotional triggers and mental images? And – we have no idea what is going on in someone else’s mind at any given moment – unless we ask and find out.

What questions do you ask other people, either directly and out loud or indirectly and in your own mind? Do you tend to ask, and expect to get the answer, about what the other person can do to help you and make your life more comfortable? Of do you often ask what You can do to make the other person’s life easier? Whichever of these questions you ask will have a profound effect upon the outcome of your interactions.

When you ask how you can help another person, you start to pay attention and learn how the other person thinks and feels and behaves. You learn how you can alter your own thoughts and behaviors to accommodate the requests. It is important to not forget yourself but to also reveal your own needs and desires – without demand. That type of caring communication leads to greater and greater communication, understanding and empathy. And, if the other person just cannot reciprocate after you have listened and cared and given your best, then you have a new decision to make based upon greater and greater clarity.

However, if you are like so many of us, asking what you can get and receive from another person or how they can help you to get what you want, then you are missing out on a key piece of building relationships. Each time you ask what another person can do for you, your focus is on YOU – not on the other person. It becomes much more about how YOU think, how YOU feel and how the other person is affecting YOUR behavior. In thinking about you, the learning process is stifled. You have given up an opportunity to learn life lessons from another person’s perspective. You have given up a chance to strengthen your own loving nature.

What you focus on grows and builds. If you focus on yourself and your needs, your needs and desires just continue to grow. When you focus on the needs and desires of others, your own needs take a back seat and your are able to see more clearly. Yes, there are some people who will thrive on your giving and have difficulty reciprocating. But if you have been giving value to all the people in your life, your good will be returned to you, maybe not from this person but from many others.

Which question do you ask most often? Please share in the comments below and if you like, please spread the word to others to start asking the right question.

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Dr. Erica

Love is Ending – Divorce is Near

Thinking About Divorce and Don't Know How?

Thinking About Divorce and Don’t Know How?

 

Spring is here.  Love is in the air.  Romance is blooming.  Couples are meeting, smiling, holding hands and loving each other.

 

Unless … they feel as if they’ve had enough, they’re angry, they’re bored, they’ve lost interest, they feel betrayed, or they just want a change.  Divorce is not my favorite topic.  When I work with couples, my goal is always to help them re-evaluate the relationship, strengthen their own inner love, and share that love with each other.  Very often, a minor shift in attitude and perspective can help two people get back to feeling the love they once felt for each other.  And sometimes, one or both partners have given up and have decided to end the marriage.

A while back, I wrote a blog to help you think about how you really feel and some of the choices available to you.  Separation or Divorce – Which is Right for YOU?

 

This week I received a link to an article that offers some of the nitty gritty facts you might need to know, all in one place, to help you decide how to proceed if you are seriously considering separation and divorce.  20 of the Best Blogs to Read before Filing for Divorce

 

However, before you leap into the unknown and regret your decision, please consider spending a few sessions in counseling.  You have invested time, money, love and your commitment to share your life with this one other person.  Isn’t your relationship and your investment worth spending a little more time to get clear about what you both feel, what you both need, and how to proceed in the best way possible?

Heal Through Love NOWDON’T WAIT.

 

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Warmly,

 

Dr. Erica

 

 

Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 30 – FLOW

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

I have discovered, for myself, that taking on a challenge gets my psychic and physical energy flowing and aligned. In other words, it puts me into the FLOW.  After 30 days of writing blog posts daily, I want to leave you with the most important aspect of any activity in your life.  If you are operating within this system, everything else seems to fall into place.  When you are in the FLOW, life is beautiful, every moment is an adventure to cherish, and every person is a symbol of God’s love.

Young children naturally function within the FLOW of their everyday activities.  When they get involved in an activity, they are totally present until something distracts them and then they become totally involved in a new activity.  When we are in the FLOW, time moves slowly and we are not impatient.  When we are in the FLOW of love, we are happy to allow the love to build, we enjoy the nuances of our shared experience and we express all those other wonderful qualities I have been talking about for 29 days.  When we are in relationship FLOW, each of us feels accepted, understood, appreciated, acknowledged, trusted and desired.  There is no craving or longing for something outside the relationship because we are able to express our full self and feel all of our feelings.

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY, FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE, and EMPATHY may be flourishing.  You may know the PURPOSE for your relationship and your life MISSION. You may even have a sense of MASTERY of your relationships and your life.  If you have developed all of the above skills to an adequate (not perfect) level, then you will easily and often find yourself living in the FLOW, loving your life and loving your relationships.

Today’s question is:  How often and how easily do you find yourself living and loving in the FLOW?

  • Are you able to roll with the punches, take the path of least resistance, and enjoy drifting along within your relationships?
  • Can you set the course, ask for what you want, encourage others to express their needs and then creatively rise above the tide?
  • When you feel a surge of fear, discomfort, emotional uncertainty, disappointment even boredom, can you stay the course, ride the wave, and continue to more forward within your relationships?

Ask yourself NOW: Can I stay in the FLOW when I encounter the ups and downs and ins and outs of loving relationships in my life?

Being in the FLOW is what allows works of art to be created.  Being in the FLOW leads to marriage, business development, and success at all levels of human being.  Relationships are a work of art in progress.  The instrument through which we create this masterpiece is LOVE.   With interest, determination, study and practice we CAN develop all the necessary skills and emotional overtones to build exquisite relationships filled with love.  Are YOU ready to develop MASTERY and get into the FLOW?

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

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Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 29 – MASTERY

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

Mastery is the goal of every action and activity we engage in.  A newborn baby has not developed mastery over even the basic life skills such as eating and eliminating wastes.  Imagine living life in our society without mastery over basic bodily functions and habits.  Most of us would agree that we would have difficulty being productive and social.  However, when it comes to our relationships many of us do not think it is necessary to develop mastery.  We may think erronesously – “This is who I am, take it or leave it.”

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY, FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE, and EMPATHY may be flourishing.  You may know the PURPOSE for your relationship and how this meshes with your life MISSION. Now is the time to focus on developing MASTERY of your relationships and your life.

Today’s question is:  If you have developed all the required relationship skills to some degree and you continue to practice, how close would you honestly say you are to having a true sense of MASTERY over creating and sustaining love in your most significant relationships?

  • Are you a leader helping others to overcome resistance and learn how to love?
  • Do others naturally turn to you as a mentor, teacher, confidant and expert on creating satisfying love relationships?
  • Can you tolerate differences, wait patiently, understand and accept what you receive, retain your passion and use your creative impulses to bring out the greatest love possible in all of your most significant relationships?

Ask yourself NOW: Have I developed MASTERY over creating, building and sustaining loving relationships?

In his book about motivation in business, Daniel Pink explains that our goal is to develop MASTERY.   But that can be a slippery slope.  It does not usually happen quickly.  It is fraught with obstacles, problems and sometimes requires true grit and persistence to get past the difficulties.  MASTERY, according to Pink, is a goal that cannot ever be reached.  But when we strive for MASTERY, we can create a relationship more beautiful than we could have imagined with love boomeranging back to us the more we give.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 18 – PRACTICE

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

When we are learning a new skill, learning a new process at work, or attempting to develop a new habit pattern, it is essential for us to PRACTICE what we have just learned.  And we need to PRACTICE consistently over a period of time to maintain our skills and achieve the best results.  Creating fulfilling relationships also requires PRACTICE of those personality styles and emotional traits that do not come easily to us.

Do YOU consistently PRACTICE the habit patterns and communication skills, in business and in your personal relationships, that you know will enhance your self-expression, personal interactions, trust and intimacy with others?

You may have developed and expressed a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, full SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION,  and good COMMUNICATION. But unless you PRACTICE what you have discovered, learned and developed, any one of these aspects will slowly dissipate and lose its influence.

Today’s question is:  How consistently and with how much sincerity and intensity do you PRACTICE the thoughts, behaviors and attitudes that you know will enhance your potential for creating joyful and satisfying relationships?

  • How consistently and carefully do you  exercise and PRACTICE your COMMUNICATION, COMPASSION AND CREATIVITY processes?
  • Do you often observe yourself and others and then prepare and rehearse the skills you have acquired in relationship building?
  • Have you created a method, a system, and a routine that enables you and others to perform in a manner that enhances your relationships?

Ask yourself NOW: Am I willing to take the time needed to PRACTICE and improve my relationship building skills?

PRACTICE makes perfect.  PRACTICE is often the least talked about relationship building skill.  Many of us want to believe that learning is a one time experience – “My partner has learned….” and therefore “I expect….”  What we forget is that even with the best of intentions, it takes around 28-30 days of constant repetition for a new habit to develop.  And then it takes a lot more Practice for that new skill to remain a reliable habit.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 11 – PASSION

Love in the Blizzard of Life

 

PASSION is at the heart of all creative endeavors.  Without PASSION, an artist’s work  would not and could not reach the soul of the viewer.  Without PASSION in a relationship, the quality of interactions become dull and lifeless with a sense of going through the motions and the thought: “Is that all there is?”

You may have INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE, your inner ARCHITECT ability to SURRENDER,  PATIENCE, COMMITMENT, TRUST and DISCERNMENT.  But without PASSION, your relationship will remain lifeless, uninspiring, even boring and dull.  And over time, you will lose interest or become resentful.

Today’s question is:  Does PASSION fill your heart and drive you to create wonder and excitement in your relationship or have your interactions become predictable, boring and unsatisfying in some way?

 

  • Do you crave and hunger for attention, communication, acknowledgement an d love from another person?
  • Does your relationship trigger you to get angry, sad, have emotional outbursts and desire for deeper and more frequent contact?
  • Does your body ache and your mind hunger to improve your relationship, to open the other person’s hear

Ask yourself NOW: How strong is my PASSION to do what it takes to build, preserve and improve my relationships?

PASSION is the doorway to creative expression, emotional expansion, intellectual wisdom and sensual, sexual as well as purely romantic love.  With enduring PASSION you feel as if you can conquer the world together, in business or in life.  Without PASSION, life can seem to have no purpose, you can feel as if you have no mission and have lost your dream.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 10 – DISCERNMENT

Love in the Blizzard of Life

DISCERNMENT could be the most important quality, and so often overlooked, in most relationships.  A man meets a beautiful woman and believes what she tells him without discerning what is actually happening compared to what is being said.  A woman meets a man who claims to be successful and blames his ex for causing the breakup.  The woman needs to pay attention and discern from his words and attitudes and behaviors how his style of relating may have been the true cause of his previous breakup.

By now you have realized you have the INCENTIVE and INTENTION, in the PRESENT MOMENT, with DRIVE and your inner ARCHITECT.    You are able to SURRENDER,  you have PATIENCE and a strong COMMITMENT and you TRUST that your relationship has a solid foundation and will last.  At this point it is wise to step back, remain calm and neutral, and evaluate the state of your relationship now.  The important quality here is DISCERNMENT.

Today’s question is:  Are you able to judge with sensitivity and neutrality the level of your own or the other person’s consistent use of the qualities required to sustain a loving relationship?

  • Can you select those qualities in yourself and in the other person that are enhancing or destroying your relationship?
  • Are you shrewd and skillful enough to discriminate between inner motivation and outer appearance?
  • Do you have the acumen and sensitivity to recognize a deficiency in any of these qualities in yourself or the other person?

Ask yourself NOW:  Have I developed a high enough level of DISCERNMENT to recognize which course of action is best for the health and well being of the relationship, the other person and myself?

DISCERNMENT requires an acute sensitivity to the nuances of thoughts, attitudes, body language, words, behaviors, and actions of both people in a relationship.  Without DISCERNMENT we can eventually feel blindsided if the other person has been harboring thoughts and feelings that we have not noticed or realized.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

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