Are you or someone you know struggling with dating, finding men who seem to be “the one” and then disappoint you within a few weeks or months? Maybe you have been blindly opening your heart and believing that the other person feels the same way. Maybe you just don’t know what to look for, what to expect and what to walk away from.
Have you ever met someone who keeps telling you how wonderful they are, how caring and loving they are, and how much they give to others? Sometimes their story is compelling, their words sound sincere, your mind accepts their promise and your gut tells you “No.” You may even feel guilty (he or she is doing so much or needs your business so badly), inadequate (you are being convinced that you will never succeed without this) or foolish (you’re missing a once in a lifetime opportunity) for not jumping at the current offer.
This often happens in business dealings. The seller spots you as a potential buyer and lays it on thick, trying to convince you to trust and buy his or her products and services. It also happens in relationships. A man or woman wanting a relationship spots you as a potential friend, lover or spouse and lays it on thick, trying to convince you to like, love, or become a committed partner for him or her.
The businessman or businesswoman may barrage you with phone calls, emails, and pressure to close the deal. The one wanting a relationship may barrage you with text messages, emails, phone calls, gifts, and pressure to schedule dates and make a commitment. When this happens, if you are like most of us, your instinct is to run away, to get as far away as you can so you can once again think clearly about what You want and need – not what They want you to do.
I do not want to “convince” anyone to do business with me, to be my friend, to like me or to love me. What I seek in my life is true contact and connection with others. I want to get to know someone gradually over time, discover together what fits and what doesn’t fit, and create a caring relationship that is mutually beneficial.
In business, I want a mutual exchange of best practices, personal and business experiences, products, services and trainings based upon real communication and knowing what each of us is struggling with at the moment. In a relationship, I want an intimate exchange of likes and dislikes, personal interests and experiences, and possibly shared connections with others who might suit each of our specific needs at the moment.
In other words, I want to live my life as a consultant, providing my best business practices and products, my educated perspective and wisdom, my personal views and experiences, and deeply shared connections with people who are also consultants to me. I cannot possibly know everything and do everything on my own. I need help in so many different ways. And so does everyone else.
Imagine doing business with a consultant who shares his or her best products and services and also freely shares about products and services offered by others that may be a specific benefit to you. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who shares his or her authentic self, freely offering to help in whatever way he or she can – and – totally allowing you to decide for yourself what You want to do.
If you are seeking that “one” special business partner, lover or friend, then become a consultant rather than attempting to sell yourself or your products upfront. Offer value to others, share what you know, allow yourself to be seen as a step above others because you care and share and don’t even attempt to sell. Stop selling and start consulting – really listen, show that you care and provide value.
Give the other person breathing room and an opportunity to discover what you have to offer after you have helped them to somewhat solve their problems. Insure that the other person feels understood, respected, valued and appreciated by you before you ask what you want and expect something in return. Become viewed as “the one” who is the solution to someone else’s problems and you will no longer have to sell them what you are offering. They will eagerly seek you out.
And if you are seeking love, stop seeking and stop selling yourself. Become a caring consultant and love will find you.
My Healing Through Love Seminar Series will get you started on the path to love.
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Thanks for stopping by. I look forward to connecting with you again. Please share your thoughts and reactions in the comments below.
Here’s to living your life in love.
Love is truly a DELICATE DANCE OF LOVE
- Some us us view love as synonymous with our sexual passion. When we have the “hots” for someone, we view it as love. If and when that passion wanes, we feel that we no longer love and we seek someone else to stir that passion within us again.
- Some of us view love as a commitment, a decision to support, value, share with and be with another person indefinitely, regardless of how happy or unhappy we may feel at times.
- Some of us view love as a source of happiness, a place to feel as if we are on vacation. If and when it no longer feels good, we are out of there, on to the next, seeking a new place to feel happy.
I have a view of love that seems to be quite different from many of the people I meet and work with. Many people choose passion and happiness over long term commitment.
I chose love and commitment – no matter what – and I have certainly been tested more than most. My marriage has been, for me, a testing ground for my own ability to love, to create healing through love, to be and become love. Not an easy choice and I have often forsaken momentary happiness for the ongoing struggle to overcome adversity and bring forth the love. At this point the love is prominent and we have overcome some really difficult problems that many, many people would not stick around to deal with.
Right before writing this post I checked out my Pinterest site and repinned the wonderful quote below from one of my favorite actors who is no longer with us, Paul Newman. He and his life partner, Joanne Woodward, shared a solid marriage for many years. I had the privilege of meeting his wife in a Pilates class when I lived in Westport, Connecticut about a decade ago. She has a sweet, unassuming and friendly disposition But she is no pushover. In a talk show interview during his prime, I remember him describing his wife as follows, “Why would I want a hamburger if I have a steak?” And she managed to remain a “steak” for him for the rest of his life.
Here is Paul Newman’s letter to his wife on their wedding day:
“ Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the Art of Marriage, the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon; it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding rooms for things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.”
Schedule an appointment, even just one session, to create love now.
Are you dating your clients, prospective clients, friends, family members and lovers? Well you may not call it dating, but you can certainly benefit by approaching ALL relationships the way an experienced dater might approach new acquaintances. Ask yourself the following questions and be as truthful as you can be.
- meet a new person and immediately tell them about the wonderful product, service or personal qualities you have to offer?
- see every person you meet as a prospective buyer of your product and services or a potential lover or long term relationship?
- assume that what you have to offer is so great that the other person needs it even if you have to do a lot of convincing?
- make sure you have told other people everything you feel they need to hear even if you haven’t listened and learned about them?
- gently or aggressively criticize or intimidate another person for not realizing they need to change something or do what you say?
In other words, are you verbally spamming people? Do you expect others to instantly recognize your value, eagerly buy your products or services, and willingly develop an ongoing and mutually beneficial relationship with you? Marketing statistics reveal that people need to see a product, service or advertisement between 7 and 12 times before they are ready to get involved and make a purchase. That same phenomenon works in building relationships, creating lasting love, filling a seminar, and getting rich.
Study the art of dating and apply it regularly to every relationship in your life, even with your long term intimate partner and close family members.
- Be aware of your own appearance and be well groomed
- Make plans and keep them. Know where you are going and have some idea of how long it will take
- Make sure the other person has agreed in advance to the plans and adjust as necessary
- Greet the other person with pleasant and if possible, complimentary words
- Be aware of your own and the other person’s facial and body expressions
- Ask questions, listen, be genuinely interested and build rapport without pressure and expectation and without taking it personally
- Engage in conversation, not monologue, realizing that building rapport requires give and take, talking and listening
- Respect the other person as if he or she is a well known celebrity
- Develop patience. People require hearing or seeing something at least 7 -12 times before being willing to do something different or hear something differently or get involved in a new opportunity. Some people will respond quickly. Others may take much longer. Learn to let go of your own preconceived ideas and expectations. Relax and share and be open to discovery
Are you ready to start dating your clients, prospective clients, friends, family members and lovers?
Need some guidance, encouragement or a compassionate ear? Schedule a session with me at DrEricaWellness.com
Listen to a very special interview with David Riklan, founder of SelfGrowth.com