Stop the dating cycle and finally get a commitment

Are you or someone you know struggling with dating, finding men who seem to be “the one” and then disappoint you within a few weeks or months? Maybe you have been blindly opening your heart and believing that the other person feels the same way. Maybe you just don’t know what to look for, what to expect and what to walk away from.

Your Love Location Map

 

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Untying The Knot

Many marriages start with high hopes, passion and dreams of a fulfilling life together. But so many people are unprepared emotionally and financially for the struggles, frustrations and disappointments that inevitably follow when the honeymoon period ends. Continue reading

Creating Loving Relationships – What Question Do You Ask?

Creating Love Question

Creating Love Question

Each of us has a unique personality style, based upon many factors. We have a genetic code, a family of origin, a social and economic culture in which we were raised, and our education – to name just a few of the many factors that affect our personality and view of the world. So, if we have had so many different influences upon our thinking process, why is it that we expect our partners and friends to just understand us? Why don’t we realize that their minds are filled with thoughts and memories, emotional triggers and mental images? And – we have no idea what is going on in someone else’s mind at any given moment – unless we ask and find out.

What questions do you ask other people, either directly and out loud or indirectly and in your own mind? Do you tend to ask, and expect to get the answer, about what the other person can do to help you and make your life more comfortable? Of do you often ask what You can do to make the other person’s life easier? Whichever of these questions you ask will have a profound effect upon the outcome of your interactions.

When you ask how you can help another person, you start to pay attention and learn how the other person thinks and feels and behaves. You learn how you can alter your own thoughts and behaviors to accommodate the requests. It is important to not forget yourself but to also reveal your own needs and desires – without demand. That type of caring communication leads to greater and greater communication, understanding and empathy. And, if the other person just cannot reciprocate after you have listened and cared and given your best, then you have a new decision to make based upon greater and greater clarity.

However, if you are like so many of us, asking what you can get and receive from another person or how they can help you to get what you want, then you are missing out on a key piece of building relationships. Each time you ask what another person can do for you, your focus is on YOU – not on the other person. It becomes much more about how YOU think, how YOU feel and how the other person is affecting YOUR behavior. In thinking about you, the learning process is stifled. You have given up an opportunity to learn life lessons from another person’s perspective. You have given up a chance to strengthen your own loving nature.

What you focus on grows and builds. If you focus on yourself and your needs, your needs and desires just continue to grow. When you focus on the needs and desires of others, your own needs take a back seat and your are able to see more clearly. Yes, there are some people who will thrive on your giving and have difficulty reciprocating. But if you have been giving value to all the people in your life, your good will be returned to you, maybe not from this person but from many others.

Which question do you ask most often? Please share in the comments below and if you like, please spread the word to others to start asking the right question.

Heal Through Love NOW. DON’T WAIT.

 

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Here’s to living your life in love

 

Warmly,

 

Dr. Erica

Love is Ending – Divorce is Near

Thinking About Divorce and Don't Know How?

Thinking About Divorce and Don’t Know How?

 

Spring is here.  Love is in the air.  Romance is blooming.  Couples are meeting, smiling, holding hands and loving each other.

 

Unless … they feel as if they’ve had enough, they’re angry, they’re bored, they’ve lost interest, they feel betrayed, or they just want a change.  Divorce is not my favorite topic.  When I work with couples, my goal is always to help them re-evaluate the relationship, strengthen their own inner love, and share that love with each other.  Very often, a minor shift in attitude and perspective can help two people get back to feeling the love they once felt for each other.  And sometimes, one or both partners have given up and have decided to end the marriage.

A while back, I wrote a blog to help you think about how you really feel and some of the choices available to you.  Separation or Divorce – Which is Right for YOU?

 

This week I received a link to an article that offers some of the nitty gritty facts you might need to know, all in one place, to help you decide how to proceed if you are seriously considering separation and divorce.  20 of the Best Blogs to Read before Filing for Divorce

 

However, before you leap into the unknown and regret your decision, please consider spending a few sessions in counseling.  You have invested time, money, love and your commitment to share your life with this one other person.  Isn’t your relationship and your investment worth spending a little more time to get clear about what you both feel, what you both need, and how to proceed in the best way possible?

Heal Through Love NOWDON’T WAIT.

 

Talk to Me

 

Warmly,

 

Dr. Erica

 

 

Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 30 – FLOW

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

I have discovered, for myself, that taking on a challenge gets my psychic and physical energy flowing and aligned. In other words, it puts me into the FLOW.  After 30 days of writing blog posts daily, I want to leave you with the most important aspect of any activity in your life.  If you are operating within this system, everything else seems to fall into place.  When you are in the FLOW, life is beautiful, every moment is an adventure to cherish, and every person is a symbol of God’s love.

Young children naturally function within the FLOW of their everyday activities.  When they get involved in an activity, they are totally present until something distracts them and then they become totally involved in a new activity.  When we are in the FLOW, time moves slowly and we are not impatient.  When we are in the FLOW of love, we are happy to allow the love to build, we enjoy the nuances of our shared experience and we express all those other wonderful qualities I have been talking about for 29 days.  When we are in relationship FLOW, each of us feels accepted, understood, appreciated, acknowledged, trusted and desired.  There is no craving or longing for something outside the relationship because we are able to express our full self and feel all of our feelings.

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY, FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE, and EMPATHY may be flourishing.  You may know the PURPOSE for your relationship and your life MISSION. You may even have a sense of MASTERY of your relationships and your life.  If you have developed all of the above skills to an adequate (not perfect) level, then you will easily and often find yourself living in the FLOW, loving your life and loving your relationships.

Today’s question is:  How often and how easily do you find yourself living and loving in the FLOW?

  • Are you able to roll with the punches, take the path of least resistance, and enjoy drifting along within your relationships?
  • Can you set the course, ask for what you want, encourage others to express their needs and then creatively rise above the tide?
  • When you feel a surge of fear, discomfort, emotional uncertainty, disappointment even boredom, can you stay the course, ride the wave, and continue to more forward within your relationships?

Ask yourself NOW: Can I stay in the FLOW when I encounter the ups and downs and ins and outs of loving relationships in my life?

Being in the FLOW is what allows works of art to be created.  Being in the FLOW leads to marriage, business development, and success at all levels of human being.  Relationships are a work of art in progress.  The instrument through which we create this masterpiece is LOVE.   With interest, determination, study and practice we CAN develop all the necessary skills and emotional overtones to build exquisite relationships filled with love.  Are YOU ready to develop MASTERY and get into the FLOW?

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

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Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 29 – MASTERY

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

Mastery is the goal of every action and activity we engage in.  A newborn baby has not developed mastery over even the basic life skills such as eating and eliminating wastes.  Imagine living life in our society without mastery over basic bodily functions and habits.  Most of us would agree that we would have difficulty being productive and social.  However, when it comes to our relationships many of us do not think it is necessary to develop mastery.  We may think erronesously – “This is who I am, take it or leave it.”

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY, FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE, and EMPATHY may be flourishing.  You may know the PURPOSE for your relationship and how this meshes with your life MISSION. Now is the time to focus on developing MASTERY of your relationships and your life.

Today’s question is:  If you have developed all the required relationship skills to some degree and you continue to practice, how close would you honestly say you are to having a true sense of MASTERY over creating and sustaining love in your most significant relationships?

  • Are you a leader helping others to overcome resistance and learn how to love?
  • Do others naturally turn to you as a mentor, teacher, confidant and expert on creating satisfying love relationships?
  • Can you tolerate differences, wait patiently, understand and accept what you receive, retain your passion and use your creative impulses to bring out the greatest love possible in all of your most significant relationships?

Ask yourself NOW: Have I developed MASTERY over creating, building and sustaining loving relationships?

In his book about motivation in business, Daniel Pink explains that our goal is to develop MASTERY.   But that can be a slippery slope.  It does not usually happen quickly.  It is fraught with obstacles, problems and sometimes requires true grit and persistence to get past the difficulties.  MASTERY, according to Pink, is a goal that cannot ever be reached.  But when we strive for MASTERY, we can create a relationship more beautiful than we could have imagined with love boomeranging back to us the more we give.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 25 – ACCEPTANCE

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

ACCEPTANCE  is the quality most us are seeking to receive and longing to feel in all of our relationships.  The opposite, rejection or dismissal, can be the most painful and self-demeaning experiences in our lives.  When we feel put down, ignored, invalidated or unnoticed, our world as we know it can collapse.  It doesn’t matter if we are the most intelligent, most attractive, most talented, best performing athlete, highest paid speaker, most accurate scientist, or most sensitive lover, our sense of ACCEPTANCE can greatly influence the way we view our self, our life, and our actual performance.

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY and FORGIVENESS are readily apparent.  But are you able to allow full ACCEPTANCE of your relationship exactly the way it is at the current moment without feeling the pressure to deny, suppress or change something immediately.

Today’s question is:  How strong is your emotional capacity for full and unswerving ACCEPTANCE of the current reality in your business, professional, and personal relationships?

  • Are you able to receive the gifts that others are willing and able to give, even if they fall far short of your desires and expectations?
  • Can you tolerate differences of opinion, lifestyle, values, behaviors and attitudes and even acquiesce in support of another person’s agenda?
  • Can you freely recognize, acknowledge, and approve of others even when their beliefs and actions directly conflict with your own?

Ask yourself NOW: How easily and readily can I allow ACCEPTANCE to overrule my need to be right, my desire to make changes, and my fear that I am losing control in a relationship?

ACCEPTANCE may be the glue that holds a relationship together.  After many years of shared space at home or in a work environment, ACCEPTANCE of each others temperament, needs, and style of behaving can lessen the stress and expand the love.  Love and ACCEPTANCE is the honey that soothes old wounds, bridges gaps in communication, and feeds the process of bonding in any relationship.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

Love in the Blizzard of LIfe – Day 24 – FORGIVENESS

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

FORGIVENESS is not a one-time event.  When we get involved in a relationship, any relationship which involves closeness, shared activities, and dual responsibility, our emotions will sometimes be aroused and not in the way we want and expect.  When the other person upsets us, treats us unfairly, fails to keep promises and commitments, or blindsides us in some reprehensible way, to maintain the relationship we will have to practice FORGIVENESS.

The New Testament of the bible states that we need to forgive “70X7.”  It does not tell us to forgive once and then walk away.  It does not tell us to forgive and expect the other person to instantly discontinue their wayward activities.  No, the bible reminds us to keep forgiving and even to “turn the other cheek.”  We are also told that “the meek shall inherit the earth.”

Does this mean that we owe it to other people to become a perpetual doormat?  No.  There is a deeper meaning to FORGIVENESS.  What I like to use as a metaphor is a person who is a Black Belt in Karate or a master at Tai Chi or some other martial art.  When a student reaches a high level of mastery in a fighting sport, that person knows how to instantly kill another person.  Knowing that bring a powerful responsibility.  A martial arts master will not seek a fight, will not provoke a fight, and will willingly turn the other cheek and forgive 70X7.  However, if the danger or provocation by the other becomes too great, the master may just point a finger with total clarity and intensity of focus, and the other person will either go flying or will be struck dead.

So here you are.  You have established your INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING and RECEPTIVITY are strong.  But what happens when another person does you wrong, hurts you, disappoints you, abuses you or betrays your trust and love?

Today’s question is:  How strong is your willingness to allow FORGIVENESS to rule in all situations in your life – maybe not in the exact moment of emotional devastation – but as you develop greater understanding and wisdom?

  • Are you able to readily forgive another person for wrongdoing without holding on to blame and criticism, judgement and ruthless distancing?
  • Can you absolve yourself or someone else from guilt and blame, showing mercy and tolerance, even if  the remorse and regret is not as strong as expected?
  • Do you understand, pardon, feel compassion and even pity for the other person, knowing that if someone feels loved they do not need to hurt others?

Ask yourself NOW: How easily and readily am I able to practice FORGIVENESS of myself first and then all others with whom I am in even a momentary relationship?

FORGIVENESS  is powerful.  It frees up our energy, allowing our mind to focus on what we choose in the present moment.  Without FORGIVENESS, our mind loops back over and over ruminating about someone or something that has not pleased us.  And then our emotions kick in and we feel upset, disgruntled, frustrated, angry and whatever else gets stirred up in our consciousness.  As we allow FORGIVENESS to enter our consciousness, we are instantly soothing our body, relaxing our thinking process and bringing our mind, mind and spirit into balanced equilibrium.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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