Most of us dream and think:  If only … then …. Often the unspoken assumption is “If I attain this … then I won’t have to worry about money, about competition, about working hard, about being lonely….”  However, once we do attain our dream, if we do, we may find that we actually become more concerned about money and how to handle it, more aware of the competition, actually working longer and harder, and being alone even more often.

Please watch my video and let me know what you think.  Post a comment or share this with your friends.

Beware What You Wish For – You Might Get It!

Warmly,

Dr. Erica Goodstone

I have discovered that when I allow others into my life, into my sphere of influence, into my projects — yes, for awhile I may have to slow down, change direction and not see the results I want.  But other people add so much richness, they provide another dimension, a different perspective.  Sometimes they motivate me when I feel like giving up or they become a role model for me to follow.

Please enjoy this brief movie about the power of pullling togther as a team.  Pulling together is essential for ALL relationships – family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances and most of all, with our most intimate partners.  Love is not enough if we are not pulling together as a team and helping each other fly in the direction of our dreams.

http://www.pullingtogethermovie.com/?cm_mmc=Responsys-_-MO-_-8.30.10-_-PUTGmovie

Please share your thoughts and responses about pulling together.

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

The relationships I am talking about are not only our most intimate relationships but every relationship we are involved with.  For example, your relationship with your boss.  Are you willing to do whatever the job calls for and more, without guarantee of recognition, recompense or even acknowledgement?  Are you willing to love and acknowledge and appreciate your friend, your child, your parent, your partner or your spouse – NO MATTER WHAT – no matter how angry, sad, self-centered, unfair, difficult or demanding they are?

Watch this new movie from Simple Truths.com.  Practice the 100-0 RULE for a full 30 days and see what happens.  Imagine living that way, day in and day out, taking full responsibility for every one of your interactions with every single relationship?  Please watch this simple movie and share your comments below.

 http://www.100-0principle.com/?cm_mmc=Responsys-_-TU-_-08.24.10-_-HUZOmovie

Would you like to learn how to implement the 100-0 Rule to transform your relationhips?  Sign up for the upcoming AMP Up Your Relationship Teleseminar. 

Ask a question at http://www.ASKDrE.com 

Listen to the introduction replay at http://www.ASKDrE.com/reply.php.

Every beginning is exciting, invigorating, even thrilling.  Every beginning brings hope and energy, focused attention, special meaning and desire to overcome any form of adversity.  Every beginning offers the hope that this time you will succeed, you will achieve your goals and live your dreams. 

Beginnings are usually wonderful.   Our body is pumped up with hormones, naturally produced drugs that keep our energy high and our mood elevated.  No need for stimulating drugs when we are high on love for a new person, new place or new activity. 

But beginnings are just that, beginnings.  The energetic high, the hope, the thrill, the excitement, the wonder and the focused attention usually do not last.  Reality, real life, sets in.  While in the throes of our own excitement, we may have overlooked some important red flags.  As the hormone highs diminish, we are left with the hard work of real life – studying, working, sometimes tedious drudgery, difficult communication, delays, frustrations, challenges, and lots of unmet needs. 

The best time to step back and evaluate where you are going is NOT when your energy begins to wane and your excitement has diminished.  The best time to evaluate, take stock, and set your goals is before you even begin.  Once you begin, once the hormones are flowing, your cerebral cortex (the part of your brain that controls your conscious thought) can be temporarily incapable of making accurate evaluations.  

 “Love is blind” is not just a saying.  Love can truly interfere with rational decision making.  AMP Up Your Relationship, a special 3 module teleseminar series, begins with some very real facts about what happens to your body in the throes of “falling in love,” and why it is so difficult to make wise choices in this beginning phase.  For this special teleseminar series, as a Healing Through Love Mentor I have joined forces with a Divorce Mediator.  As we take you through the stages of relationships, you will view your own choices and your current relationship in a new way.  This small shift in your perception and attitude can produce huge and lasting changes in your relationship and your life. 

Get more information and listen to the replay of the introductory call at http://www.ASKDrE.com/replay.php   

Dr. Erica

Author of Love Me, Touch Me, Heal Me: The Path to Physical, Emotional, Sexual and Spiritual Reawakening

Find the love consciousness in your own heart

I believe there is only one power in this world – LOVE.  Negative emotions, evil thoughts, and even demonic actions are actually merely the absence of love.  Where love exists, there is little room for anything else.

Love consciousness.  That is the love I am talking about, not the kind of self-centered, demanding, eye- for-an-eye type of love.  Love consciousness allows us to see beyond the immediate appearance in front of us.  Our partner or colleague or child may be raging or viciously insulting us, but if we have the strength of love in our heart, we can actually see past the hostile words to the hurting, suffering child within this raging person.

I am not suggesting that we need to remain in any situation that may be emotionally, physically or even spiritually harmful to us.  But when we truly develop love consciousness, it becomes difficult to hate and much easier to forgive.  And forgiveness is what heals our own heart and allows us to move forward in our life with love.

Love consciousness involves three components: 

*  recognizing that love consciousness is the one true power

*  de-personalizing every thought, word or action of our own or others

*  nothingizing, making little to nothing out of blocks, delays and negative experiences

Imagine yourself living in this state of love consciousness.  How might you respond to your partner’s anger, your child’s disobedience, your boss’ unfair demands, your own procrastination and non-productive actions, your own perceived failures, and anything else in your life if you truly beieved that love is that powerful? 

What do YOU believe about love?  Do YOU believe that love conquers all, that love overcomes fear, anger and any negative emotions, and that love is truly the one power?

If you’ve been struggling in any phase of your relationships, please join us in a powerful teleseminar series that will truly AMP Up Your Relationships, teach you how to create lasting love, and reassure you at the same time. 

Ask a question now at http://www.ASKDrE.com. 

Listen to the replay and sign up now (only a few spots left) for this powerful teleseminar series introduction at http://www.ASKDrE.com/replay.php. 

Please share your thoughts and comments below about your own definition, experience and personal sense of love and love consciousness.

Dr. Erica

Love Yourself Now

Seems so simple, doesn’t it?  Just love yourself.  Don’t we all love our own self, the one person we are closest to and can never get away from?  Isn’t that silly to think that there are people who actually don’t love their own self?

Truth is, many of us, perhaps most of us, do not show as much kindness, consideration, attention and love for our own self as we do for other people, for our pets, and even for objects.  We often deny our true feelings in the effort to please someone else or to take care of something.  And then we hold on to resentments, sometimes indefinitely.

This past Saturday evening, I was an invited guest on a local radio show, Renew Your Life with Dr. Lisa Palmer, which airs on Saturdays at 6 PM ET, 1470 AM South Florida .  On the show, we were discussing love and what it takes to feel loved and to freely give love.  We realized that many of us have not developed or acknowledged our own philosophy of love.  Many of us have been following the dictates and directions of others (parents, siblings, media…).

What happens then when we get into relationships?  We often begin with a great deal of outward display of love which gradually dissipates as the other person becomes more real to us, and our judgements of “the way it should be” take over.  And when the other person does not respond as we expect or want, we have our own unique knee jerk reactions that can dampen and even destroy love.

Here is a good question to ask yourself, in any situation (taken from the book Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsh),   ”What would love do now?”  And you’re probably thinking, “If I was more loving, what would I do for this other person.”  But actually, the question is asking “What would love do now – FOR YOURSELF!”  In any given moment, in any circumstance, how would you behave, what would you think and feel, and how would you respond – IF YOU LOVED YOURSELF AND KNEW YOU WERE LOVED?

Think of how easy it would be to deflect negative comments and to stand strong in the face of setbacks, criticism and loss.  Keep these words in mind as you go through the next few days, “What would love do now — for myself” or reword it slightly by asking, “How would I respond … if I knew I was loved?”

Dr. Erica

Author of :  Love Me, Touch Me, Heal Me: The Path to Physical, Emotional, Sexual and Spiritual Reawakening

Are your relationships happy, productive and all that you want them to be?  Are you able to freely express yourself, share your innermost thoughts, and truly enjoy daily activities with your friends, family, children and most intimate partner?  Do your interactions run smoothly or do you keep running into seeminly insurmountable obstacles?

What is the state of your current intimate relationship? Are you joyously in love and thriving? Are you seeking desperately to meet someone who doesn’t seem to materialize? Are you suffering in an unhappy and unloving connection? Or are you on the verge of breaking up, separation, or divorce?

Relationships, especially with our most intimate partners, can be difficult, frustrating, and disappointing. We meet someone who lights up our life, kindles the fire within us, and then we get intimately involved. Soon afterward, weeks, months or perhaps a few years, the fire seems to die down, we take a good look at who this other person is, and perhaps we don’t like what we see.

It doesn’t have to be like that. Relationships are actually a work in progress. But the easy part seems to be at the very beginning, in the heat of desire and lust and craving, when we see our partner with rose colored vision. We love what we see and we downplay what we don’t want to see.

The second easy part of a relationship happens after two people have been together for a very long time. If their relationship endures despite many hardships, seemingly insurmountable conflicts, betrayals, infidelities, hurts, painful experiences, and even abuse, and the couple has managed to improve their communication and rekindle the romantic love, then there is a peaceful sense of comfort, ease and undying love.

But what happens in the middle phase, the time between the very beginning and the later years? This is where the term “long-suffering” wife or husband comes into play. Every relationship inevitably must face some deeply painful and trying times where suffering is all that seems to exist.

What does it take to persevere, to overcome, and to rise above the difficult and trying times? What does it take for a relationship to survive the test of time – and thrive – with love continuing to grow and deepen?

Research in economics and business teaches us what it takes to maintain motivation and drive on the way to success. Relationships work the same way. They require motivation and drive to succeed. The questions are:

* How do we elicit that drive and motivation and desire from our partner of many years?

* How do we maintain that drive and motivation within our own self?

The simple solution, but not very easy to accomplish, is to create a sense of flow in all your relationships. This takes maintaining a purpose for your relationship, having the ability to persevere through tough times and the skill to deal with problems as they arise.

My colleague, Dr. Elinor Robin, Divorce Mediator, and myself, Healing Through Love Mentor, have discovered some ground breaking research in the fields of economics and business that we are applying to the art of creating successful relationships.  We have discovered a “secret formula” for creating, sustaining and even ending relationships with drive, motivation and a sense of inner satisfaction.

Please join us as we reveal, for the very first time, this totally new approach to understanding and creating successful realtionships. Join us on this exciting FREE TELESEMINAR on Tuesday, August 10th.  Click the link below.

http://www.ASKDrE.com.  Ask a question and you will brought to a page with the call-in details.  This is a first time event YOU do not want to miss!

Researchers at Stony Brook University reported that brain images of people in love, desiring love from a partner who resently rejected them, resemble brain images of cocaine addicts craving cocaine.  We have heard it said that love is sometimes an addiction.  This current research seems to validate that statement.

What parts of the brain show the greatest effect? In this research study, viewing a photo of their former girlfriend or boyfriend actually stimulated the following brain sections:

*  Ventral tegmental area in mid-brain – controls motivation and reward.

*  Nucleus accumbens & prefrontal cortex – linked to cravings and addiction

*  Insular cortex & anterior cingulate – affects physical pain and suffering

” The researchers said that these brain images also explain why extreme emotions and behaviors can be hard to control and may lead to stalking, homicide, suicide or depression.”  According to Arthur Aron, professor of social and health psychology at Stony Brook, “Extreme behaviors are associated with any intense desire.”

“Research has found that people intensely in love often feel that if only the other person loved them in return, life would be perfect. Given what people will do for wealth or power … it is not surprising when people feel such an important central desire is being thwarted, they will do extreme things.”

Researchers conclude that time is the best healer.  Over time, the link to the part of the brain associated with attachment becomes less active over time.  http://www.aolhealth.com/2010/07/23/researchers-identify-why-breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/?icid=main|htmlws-main-n|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolhealth.com%2F2010%2F0

If you, or someone you know, is caught in this type of painful breakup, be gentle, compassionate and continue to encourage this person to keep away from their object of desire, if possible.  Over time, their intense craving and desire will begin to dissipate.

What are these words that can cause a lifetime of emotional pain, insecurity, low self-esteem, inability to fully express oneself, self-doubt and sometimes even self-destructive habitis and actions?  Words spoken with the intention to label, demean, criticize, insult, shame and humiliate another person can create long lasting effects.  Especially for growing children whose brains are first developing, hurtful words can take on meanings above and beyond the original intent.  Children often interpret the words of an adult as “truth,” “the way it is.” Children, being egocentic, tend to believe the problems are all caused because they are not good enough, they are lacking and they are therefore unworthy.

The right words, spoken at the right moment, have the potential to heal even a lifetime of negative self-talk and memories of the hurtful words of others.  Healing words are spoken with kindness, gentleness, compassion, and concern for the effect upon oneself and others.  Healing words validate, encourage, respect, value, acknowledge, affirm and show appreciation for oneself and for others.

What are your words revealing about the way you think, feel and respond to others?  What effect are other people’s words having upon your own sense of confidence, well being and self-respect?  What words would you use, right now, to describe yourself, your life, your clients and customers, and the people with whom you are most intimate?

* “On average, more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country every day.”

* “The health-related costs of intimate partner violence exceed $5.8 billion each year. Of that amount, nearly $4.1 billion are for direct medical and mental health care services, and nearly $1.8 billion are for the indirect costs of lost productivity or wages.”

* “Nearly three out of four (74%) of Americans personally know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence.”

* “Between 600,000 and 6 million women are victims of domestic violence each year, and between 100,000 and 6 million men, depending on the type of survey used to obtain the data.”

* “One in four women (25%) has experienced domestic violence in her lifetime.”

If your interest has been perked, please click on this link to ask your most important question and get information about a special interview I will be conducting on Thursday, July 22, with THE expert in the area of domestic abuse and violence treatment training, Dr. Debra Wingfield. Click here now to ask your question: http://www.ASKDrDebraW.com .

Would YOU easily recognize the signs and symptoms of family dysfunction that may be the precursor to, or the result of, domestic violence? Would you know what to say, what to do and how to handle the situation if you knew a friend or family nmember was involved in an abusive and possibly dangerous relationship?

Do you know the 8 most important question therapists should ask during every intake or initial history session? Do you know the most important questions friends and family members should ask their loved ones to find out if abuse is, in fact, occurring? Do you know what a dysfunctional and potentially violent family does that may be different from a non-violent, more highly functional family? These are important questions to ask and find the answers to. The life you save may actually be your own or someone you really care about.

My colleague and fellow trainee in an online mentoring program, Dr. Debra Wingfield, has created a Domestic Violence Virtual Treatment Training to help practitioners in the helping professions to understand, treat and handle the problems that are part of the domestic violence syndrome affecting so many families.

Ask Dr. Wingfield your questions directly and listen for the answers she provides in a powerful teleseminar in which she is interviewed by Dr. Erica Goodstone. Go to http://www.ASKDrDebraW.com  to ask your question.