Creating Loving Relationships – What Question Do You Ask?

Creating Love Question

Creating Love Question

Each of us has a unique personality style, based upon many factors. We have a genetic code, a family of origin, a social and economic culture in which we were raised, and our education – to name just a few of the many factors that affect our personality and view of the world. So, if we have had so many different influences upon our thinking process, why is it that we expect our partners and friends to just understand us? Why don’t we realize that their minds are filled with thoughts and memories, emotional triggers and mental images? And – we have no idea what is going on in someone else’s mind at any given moment – unless we ask and find out.

What questions do you ask other people, either directly and out loud or indirectly and in your own mind? Do you tend to ask, and expect to get the answer, about what the other person can do to help you and make your life more comfortable? Of do you often ask what You can do to make the other person’s life easier? Whichever of these questions you ask will have a profound effect upon the outcome of your interactions.

When you ask how you can help another person, you start to pay attention and learn how the other person thinks and feels and behaves. You learn how you can alter your own thoughts and behaviors to accommodate the requests. It is important to not forget yourself but to also reveal your own needs and desires – without demand. That type of caring communication leads to greater and greater communication, understanding and empathy. And, if the other person just cannot reciprocate after you have listened and cared and given your best, then you have a new decision to make based upon greater and greater clarity.

However, if you are like so many of us, asking what you can get and receive from another person or how they can help you to get what you want, then you are missing out on a key piece of building relationships. Each time you ask what another person can do for you, your focus is on YOU – not on the other person. It becomes much more about how YOU think, how YOU feel and how the other person is affecting YOUR behavior. In thinking about you, the learning process is stifled. You have given up an opportunity to learn life lessons from another person’s perspective. You have given up a chance to strengthen your own loving nature.

What you focus on grows and builds. If you focus on yourself and your needs, your needs and desires just continue to grow. When you focus on the needs and desires of others, your own needs take a back seat and your are able to see more clearly. Yes, there are some people who will thrive on your giving and have difficulty reciprocating. But if you have been giving value to all the people in your life, your good will be returned to you, maybe not from this person but from many others.

Which question do you ask most often? Please share in the comments below and if you like, please spread the word to others to start asking the right question.

Heal Through Love NOW. DON’T WAIT.


Talk to Me I can help you get where you want to go.
Get the life-changing HEALING THROUGH LOVE or LOVE TOUCH HEAL Seminars. Special discounted pricing won’t last. Get it now before it’s taken down.

Here’s to living your life in love




Dr. Erica

Are YOU Giving the Most Love YOU Can Give – to YOU?

As we approach the most significant day of our lifetimes, 12/21/12, it is a time to reflect upon our life and decide if we are making the contribution we want to make. A precious friend of mine died, just a few weeks ago – right before Thanksgiving. We sat together at college graduation with our futures looming bright in front of us. Her passing has spurred me on to an even greater and stronger commitment to be my best, do my best and fearlessly give my love and share my accumulated wisdom with others.

And just this morning I received a letter addressed to me, in a familiar handwriting, my handwriting, written to me from me a year ago at a Women’s Prosperity Network event. I wrote such loving and uplifting words to myself and it felt wonderful to know that somebody thought that highly of me. Doesn’t matter at all that that person was me. Do yourself a favor and write a letter to YOU, seal it, and don’t open it until next year in December.

  • Are YOU being the best YOU that you know you can be?
  • Are YOU giving the most LOVE you know you can give?
  • Are YOU giving the most LOVE you can give TO YOU?
  • Are YOU willing to feel your fears and insecurities and just do it anyway?
  • Are YOU ready to think and become greater than your grandest vision of yourself?

And just this morning I received a letter addressed to me, in a familiar handwriting, my handwriting, written to me from me a year ago at a Women’s Prosperity Network event. I wrote such loving and uplifting words to myself and it felt wonderful to know that somebody thought that highly of me. Doesn’t matter at all that that person was me.

Do yourself a favor. Write a loving, appreciative, complimentary recommendation letter to YOU. Seal it. Don’t open it until next year on 12/21/13.

Watch this inspirational video to finish 2012 with a resounding YES to all the questions above. YOU and I and EVERYONE WE MEET have the potential to change lives and to change the world. It begins with a vision, trusting that it is possible, seeing the results of small actions, and continuing to take more and more small actions.

Make this coming year, 2013, the year you can truly say




Create Healing and Love in YOUR Life NOW!

What Are YOU Waiting For?



Dr. Erica

Let All Your Senses Speak – As You Heal

Listen to the Wisdom of Your Body

As humans, we experience the world through our five senses. Although each sense responds to stimuli in its own way, the brain is the common factor which organizes and interprets the sensations we experience. People born without one of the senses who later develop that sensual capacity may have great difficulty interpreting what they perceive. For example, people born blind and later able to see will have difficulty knowing what they are actually seeing. Our eyes play tricks on us when we watch a magician’s slight of hand. A person who has been blind may not be able to differentiate foreground from background, edges from lines, or fragments of perception into whole and complete images.

What happens to us when one of our senses no longer functions as it should? It has been observed that as men age they tend to lose their capacity to hear sounds in the higher range of their long term partner or wife’s voice. Imagine how frustrating that can be for the woman. A mother, and often both parents’ hearing can be acutely attuned to the sound of their infant or child in the other room or even at a large distance. Continue reading

It’s a Sensational World

It is truly a sensational world.  We know the world, we live in the world, and we love or hate the world we live in, because of our sensational experiences.  When we take the time to watch the sun rise, to gaze at the moon, to observe the grass and trees and flowers, we are pleasing our sense of sight.  If we choose instead to focus on the imperfections in our living environment (dust, dirt, cluttered small space, leakages, something not working properly), we may actually be supressing the sense of sensuality in our vision.  If we are upset by our environment and tend to look away so as not to see it, what else might we be avoiding seeing?

If we are often praised and acknowledged, if we often receive letters, emails and texts with loving words, our sense of hearing is pleased.  If we take the time to listen to our favorite music or the sounds of birds chirping or dogs barking, our ears feel open and receptive.  But if we often feel criticized and judged, if we do not readily hear or receive loving and kind words, our hearing response may actually be suppressed.

What about our taste buds?  If we restrict our intake of food to a certain routine of low fat, low sugar, low sodium foods, we may be able to lose or maintain our weight but what are we doing to our sense of being alive, of enjoying the moments in our precious life?  In our society, now, those who eat freely are often judged and even criticized by the ones who are carefully restricting their food intake.  But how joyful it is to eat delicious, savery foods.  Every culture has used food for family gatherings and all sorts of celebrations.  Our sense of taste brings us pleasure when other aspects of life may be difficult, unsatisfying and even scary.

Did you know that our body retains the strongest memory in our sense of smell.  If we smell something reminiscent of our favorite relative’s pumpkin pie or roast beef or oven baked bread, just thinking about that smell can bring us into a state of pleasant reverie and relaxation.  Conversely, rape victims can be all too conscious of the body odors during that traumatic event.

Have you ever been really upset about something, but after you shared your feelings with someone else you started to feel better?  Have you ever been upset and you put on some music, sang along, and felt better?  Our voice, when used in an open and clear way, can help our entire body to heal.  What we say is connected to what we are thinking and what we are feeling in our body.

Finally, our sense of touch may be even more powerful than all the other senses.  Our entire body is covered with skin.  Our body is a hologram and any part that is touched will affect our entire body.  Have you ever been upset and someone put a caring hand upon your shoulder or wrapped their arms around you with a big loving hug?  Touch can actually cause certain genes to express that may have been dormant and not expressing.

Take some time today to explore the world with each of your senses.  Imagine for a moment that each one of your senses is the only one you have.  How keen might that sense become?

In my It’s a Sensational World Kindle Book I provide lots of  interesting discoveries about the senses and many exercises for you to explore and enjoy your sensational life.

Struggling in any way? Let me help you bring back the joy.  Schedule a coaching or counseling session now.  What are you waiting for?


Dr. Erica



With My Teacher, Ilana Rubenfeld, in Ashland Oregon

A Moment with My Teacher Ilana Rubenfeld

As a Spiritual Relationship Healing Expert, Licensed Psychotherapist and Coach, I rarely talk about the beautiful and profound bodymind work I learned many years ago.  This gentle, healing, empathic listening work has set the framework and the foundation for my counseling with clients and for the way I live my life.


Recently I spent a glorious week in a town that feels like days gone by – Ashland Oregon.  This small town is surrounded by mountains looming in the distance, people dressed in simple clothing and Birkenstock type sandals with hairstyles reminiscent of Woodstock in the 1960’s.  I traveled from the southeast to the northwest corner of the U.S. for a very special conference, the International Association of Rubenfeld Synergists, being held in the town where my teacher and mentor has been living for about 10 years.


Transported from the heart of Greenwich Village in New York City, Ilana Rubenfeld is as feisty as ever in her new, much more laid back environment.  Back to her love for music, she has found a home in this idyllic town working with and supporting a group of dedicated and highly skilled young musicians.


At a time when women were not given opportunities in the music world, Ilana was a skilled orchestra conductor.  But she developed pain in her back and shoulders which led to her life’s work and the creation of a whole new method of healing.  Her favorite story is about her trips across town going from one session to another.  First she would see her Alexander teacher who would guide her to let go of tension she was holding in her body.  But then her emotions would rise and the teacher did not deal with that.  So, she would traipse across town to see Fritz Perls, the originator of Gestalt Therapy, to express, explore and handle her emotions.  She also studied with Moshe Feldenkrais who developed a method of awareness through movement exercises.


When people started asking Ilana to teach them how to do that “magic” that she did so well, she began a series of trainings in Gestalt Synergy which soon became known as The Rubenfeld Synergy Method.  Using gentle, respectful, listening touch, allowing emotions to emerge and long held body tensions to dissipate, she taught so many of us how to be present and aware with another person.  And her work led to the realization of a powerful set of principles which can be found in Ilana’s book The Listening Hand , in Healing Journeys: The Power of Rubenfeld Synergy (a series of chapters by certified practicing Synergists – my chapter is “Sexual Reawakening”), and my article and others at (Learn the Principles)(Relaxation Techniques)


I had the privilege of graduating from her 4th and largest training intensive that took place over several summers at Dowling College in Long Island.  Now, after many, many years of training hundreds of students, Ilana has gradually let go of the helm as she watched her “baby” begin to develop in the arms of the next Training Directors, Joe Weldon and Noel Wight.  At this point, the 17th Training has reached completion and the work continues to grow and expand.


What a world this would be if each of us could receive this type of listening touch and be fully present with each other through our life issues and transitions.  Ilana’s elegant and magical work has been the foundation of my life’s work helping individuals and couples heal their bodies and their relationships through love.  And in that room what I share with my clients is more than talking, more than empathy, more than gentle touch.  We have a meeting of our souls, we meet each other at the contact boundary between life as we know it and that other realm.


What a treat it was for me and for my fellow synergists to enjoy delicious food and superb music in the home of our beloved teacher, Ilana, and to share in the experience of life as she lives it in Ashland Oregon.  And, to top off an incredible week, I was in one of the best places in the world to view the solar eclipse that occurred on Sunday evening, May 20, 2012.  The trajectory headed toward Medford, Oregon, the exact direction I was heading in a taxi to the airport with my friend and fellow Synergist, Judy Swallow, who happened to have a pair of special Eclipse glasses (which resembled 3-D glasses).


Ask me more about the Rubenfeld Synergy Method.  I would love to tell you how you can experience a session with me or one of my many well trained colleagues throughout the U.S., Canada and some European countries.  This is an experience like no other.  Your body will know what it is like to be unencumbered, relaxed and aligned.  Your mind will know what it is like to be at peace.


Schedule a private session at


Here’s to living your dreams.




Dr. Erica

Be You – Everyone Else is Taken

That is the greatest gift you can offer to yourself and to anyone else.  We are all born into this world as unique individuals.  Every one of us has strengths and weaknesses, appealing personality traits and difficult ones, and different areas of high self-esteem and low self-esteem.  And we all have our own unique experiences as we grow and develop and live our lives.




When we can easily do something, we often assume that it is also easy for everybody else to do.  But the truth is, we are all different.  What I find easy and effortless may be a huge impediment for another person.  For example, I like to write.  For me, writing comes easily and when I get into a writing frame of mind the words just flow.  However, many people find writing so difficult that they won’t even attempt to comment on another person’s blog post, let alone write their own blogs.

If you’re not sure what your individual strengths are, I recommend that you pick up this important Kindle Book, Be Who You Are – The Greatest Gift of All.  In this book, you have a unique opportunity to examine all the types of activities you like to do, hate to do or feel neutral about.  You will also focus on your early childhood experiences and teachings that led you onto your current path.


It doesn’t do anyone any good if you play small, underplaying your own strengths and exaggerating your weaknesses.   It doesn’t help anyone for you to try to please them, not ruffle their feathers, so that they will like you.  It doesn’t help YOU to underestimate your own capabilities.


Do whatever you can to strip away the protective layers of  defense that may have helped you to survive your youth but no longer support you in your current life.  If you have dreams and goals but get caught up in doing “the right thing” according to someone else’s standard, then you are blocking your chance to actually live your dreams.  If you are purposely hiding something about yourself that you think others will disapprove of, then you may be hurting that one person who could heal by hearing about YOUR experiences.


Here are a few questions to get you started on the path to acknowledging, accepting, appreciating and applauding who YOU are.

  • Who are you?
  • Who have you been told you are?
  • What do you love and appreciate about yourself?
  • What traits, qualities or behaviors do you wish you could change?
  • What activities do you love being involved in?
  • What activities do you find difficult and challenging?
  • What stimulates your passion and creativity?
  • Who are you?

Please share your thoughts and comments with me here on my blog or take a moment to leave a review at  YOU, in your own unique style, have something magnificent to offer.  Just Be Who You Are and allow others to learn from you more about who they are.


Contact me if you would like some help to peel away the layers of doubt and let your true self shine.


Here’s to being Who You Are and living the life of your dreams.




Dr. Erica

Do you love your life?

David Attenborough – Wonderful World - BBC

David Attenborough – Wonderful World - BBC


Life is beautiful.  Life is wonderful.  Life is amazing. Life is a wonder.  Life is what you believe it is.  Is YOUR life magnificent?

Love is all around.  Love exists for every living being.  Love is everywhere.  Love emanates from within you.  Do YOU love life?

Health is our natural state of being.  Healing is possible in every moment.  Our capacity for healing is infinite.  Are YOU healing and healthy now?

Are you bothered by the storms of life?  Do you let natural occurrences get you down?  Are you afraid to let yourself be free?

ANSWER THIS QUESTION FIRST:  Who am I now, in this moment?



“I AM ….”

If you are not struck by the wondrous awe of being alive, as YOU, in this body, in these circumstances, at this time, NOW, then please contact me for a quick boost of inspiration and love.  Maybe all you need is someone to listen, understand and help you to see your own magnificence.

Do you know how magnificent you are?  Please share your own greatness in a comment below.  Or schedule a healing session at


Dr. Erica


9 Ways to Heal All Your Relationships

Time Does Not Heal

Image via Wikipedia

Do you believe that if you focus on just 9 areas of your life you can actually  heal all of your relationships?  Does that seem too good to be true? Is that really possible?  Not only is it possible, it is the Only way to truly heal your relationships.

Remember the saying “Time heals all wounds”?  The truth is, time heals wounds that have been scraped and cleaned, with old debris and diseased tissue removed.  If some of the unhealthy tissue remains as the wound closes over, the disease process smolders and continues beneath the surface.  Our capacity for love and ability to create truly loving relationships is not that different.

As I often say, the solution to all relationship problems is simple.  However, the process is not easy.  It does require effort.  It does take time.  It also takes focused attention in the right way.  And it requires letting go of what no longer serves you.

Creating loving relationships IS totally possible for every one of us.  What differentiates those who do and those who don’t is actually the very same qualities or skills needed to create success in any area of life.

Successful relationship creators do what others won’t do in order to eventually have what others won’t have!

Are YOU ready to become a successful relationship creator? Discover the 9 areas of focus for relationship healing and get started NOW.

To your relationship success.


Dr. Erica

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Let Go and Let Love

Love, a simple 4 letter word, has the power to dissolve problems, dissipate conflict and deliver happiness and joy.  Do you know what it would be like for you to “let go and let love”?  My colleague and friend, John Gaydon, used those words in a comment about my previous blog post.  I kept repeating those words to let them sink into my subconscious.

I love my body

My Ankle is Lovingly Protected

It was Thursday morning, a warm sunny day in January 2012.   I was playing my favorite sport, tennis, after a 9 month hiatus due to injuries.  And then, in a second, the tennis was over.  I stepped on a stray tennis ball (from the other court on which the pro was teaching a group clinic).  Totally out of control, I saw my left ankle bend completely sideways and then I heard a LOUD crack.  Nobody else heard the crack and when I sat down and removed my sneaker and sock, my foot looked okay.  It was not swollen and nothing appeared out of the ordinary.  My friend actually suggested I just walk it off and continue playing.

But I love my body too much to take a chance like that.  Luckily I had an ace bandage with me to wrap around the injured ankle.  A tennis pro saw me and found a frozen bag of peas for me to use as an ice bag temporarily.  I was able to drive so I chose to drive to my health club, sit in the jacuzzi, sauna and steam, stay calm, shower, and then call the doctor.  Luckily, he was available and I drove to his office, one hour away from my home.  The x rays revealed 2 torn ligaments and the best treatment was to put my left leg in a cast.  I chose the color purple which made me smile.  In fact, I continued smiling all the way home.

I chose to look at all the ways in which luck prevailed.  I was lucky that I was able to drive.  I was lucky that I could relax and shower at the health club.  I was lucky the doctor was available and could examine my ankle.  I was lucky to have a cast that would protect my ankle and enable it to heal naturally.  I was lucky that a few friends called and sounded truly concerned.  And I was lucky that I could attend a powerful event, You Can Succeed, the following.

Love prevailed.  I love my life.  I love my body.  What made me most happy is that an injury occurred but it was handled swiftly and in the most appropriate manner to insure speedy recovery.

  • Are YOU happy and in love with your life, your health, your finances and your relationships?
  • Are you holding on to something or someone familiar when you know you desire something else?
  • What would it be like for you to follow your passion no matter what?
  • Would you be able to let go of your present comforts and let love lead the way for you?

So I know I cannot play tennis for at least 6 weeks.  Yet I know that tennis will be there when my ankle heals and I believe it will be even stronger than before because I will be putting concentrated effort into exercising it properly.  And now I can focus more fully on launching my Complete Relationship System which is scheduled to launch in just a few short weeks.

Please listen to a very special interview I had with David Riklan, founder of the very popular community site about what is included in my Complete Relationship System.

Remember to let go and let love.

Schedule a coaching or counseling appointment at


Dr. Erica