Untying The Knot

Many marriages start with high hopes, passion and dreams of a fulfilling life together. But so many people are unprepared emotionally and financially for the struggles, frustrations and disappointments that inevitably follow when the honeymoon period ends. Continue reading

Is YOUR Oxytocin Level Keeping YOU Faithful?

Are you monogamous, content and satisfied being involved with only one partner?  Or do you have an eye for other men or other women, a desire to stray or a habit of cheating?  Consider having your Oxytocin levels checked.  Studies on animals, prairie voles, have revealed the potent effect of this hormone but now a new study (cited in vitals.nbcnews.com) reveals that oxytocin may increase pair bonding in humans.

“Oxytocin keeps attached men away from hot women


 By MyHealthNewsDaily Staff

“The “love hormone” oxytocin may help maintain romantic relationships by prompting men to keep their distance from attractive women, a new study from Germany suggests.


In the study, men in monogamous relationships who were given an oxytocin nasal spray stayed about four to six inches farther away from an attractive, woman they didn’t know, compared with men in monogamous relationships who received a placebo.


The oxytocin spray had no effect on the distance that single men chose to keep between themselves and the attractive woman.


The results suggest the hormone promotes fidelity in humans, said study researcher Dr. René Hurle­mann, of the University of Bonn. The findings agree with previous research conducted on prairie voles, which suggested the hormone plays a role in pair-bonding.


In humans, oxytocin has been found to promote bonding between parents and children, increase trust, and reduce conflict between couples. And earlier this year, a study found that couples with high levels of oxytocin in the early stages of a relationship were more likely to be together six months later than couples with lower levels of the hormone.


But until now, there has been no evidence that a dose of oxytocin given after a couple gets together contributes to the maintenance of the relationship, the researchers said.


The study involved 57 heterosexual males, about half of whom were in monogamous relationships. After receiving either a dose of oxytocin or placebo, participants were introduced to a female experimenter who they later described as “attractive.”


During the encounter, the experimenter moved towards or away from the men, and they were asked to indicate when she was at an “ideal distance” away, as well as when she moved to a distance that felt “slightly uncomfortable.”


The effect of oxytocin on the attached men was the same regardless of whether the female experimenter maintained eye contact, or averted her gaze. Oxytocin also had no effect on the men’s attitude toward the female experimenter — whether men received the oxytocin or the placebo, they rated her as being equally attractive.


In a separate experiment, the researchers found oxytocin had no effect on the distance men kept between themselves and a male experimenter.


Future studies are needed to determine exactly how oxytocin might act on the brain to affect behavior, the researchers said.”


The study was published in The Journal of Neuroscience


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The Divorce Myth – Redate Your Mate Before Too Late

Recently I read a wonderful article in Boomer Plugged In, an online magazine for and about baby boomers. But this article applies to everyone, at any age. Many of the couples I see in counseling or that I meet at events and elsewhere are struggling to stay connected. Often each one feels secretly that they somehow got the raw end of the deal and that there is probably somebody out there much more suited to their emotional, physical and romantic needs. Shela Dean corroborates what I have been saying for a long time. Love heals. But we have to focus our love in the right direction.

Here is an excerpt from this article with a unique twist about marriage and divorce.


The Divorce Myth by Guest Blogger Shela Dean

The findings of a 2002 study by the Institute for American Values showed that (1) divorce does not typically make adults happier than staying in an unhappy marriage, and (b) 66% of unhappily married adults who avoided divorce were happily married five years later whether the marriage was of middling quality or had serious problems. Only 20% had divorced and happily remarried in the same time period. In short, you’re more likely to end up happily married to the spouse you have than if you divorce.

Read more   Divorce Myths

Infidelity –

Cheating Creates a Dark Cloud of Insecurity

Cheating Creates a Dark Cloud of Insecurity

Beginning in September 2008, I have written hundreds of articles at ezinearticles.com, examiner.com, selfgrowth.com and many other sites. Ezinearticles.com has a special feature that has recently gotten my attention. Every month I receive stats on which 3 articles have received the most views and the most clicks on my web site.

Just to explain further, my article topics are diverse, ranging from healing your body, healthy diet and nutrition, creating loving relationships, success, best counseling practices, healthy aging and many other topics related to health and/or relationships. However, one specific article seems to always be at the very top. The leading online marketers continually remind us to learn from our market, to let our market tell us what they want. So, I am finally listening.

The article that has received the most views of all the articles I have written is entitled: Healing Your Relationship After Cheating is Discovered.

Cheating and infidelity are not my favorite topics to focus on, to research or to talk about. But I must admit, especially since the advent of social media and particularly Facebook, cheating has entered the forefront of my clients’ presenting complaints. One partner has somehow discovered the other person’s indiscretion, flirtation and emotional or sexual connection with the potential for an extra-marital or extra-relationship affair.

Have YOU experienced infidelity in any of your relationships, past or present? Were the suspicions of your partner or yourself accurate? In your opinion, what factors do you believe might have precipitated the indiscretion and cheating behavior?

In my next post, I’ll talk about what I believe are some of the factors leaving the door open to the possibility of cheating.

You can read more of my articles at ezinearticles.com.
Why Do People Cheat In Relationships?

Love, Sex or Money – Which One Do You Really Want?

If you are struggling with some relationship concerns, infidelity, cheating or other issues, get my free Relationship Success report or schedule an appointment.


Dr. Erica