Stop the dating cycle and finally get a commitment

Are you or someone you know struggling with dating, finding men who seem to be “the one” and then disappoint you within a few weeks or months? Maybe you have been blindly opening your heart and believing that the other person feels the same way. Maybe you just don’t know what to look for, what to expect and what to walk away from.

Your Love Location Map

 

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Untying The Knot

Many marriages start with high hopes, passion and dreams of a fulfilling life together. But so many people are unprepared emotionally and financially for the struggles, frustrations and disappointments that inevitably follow when the honeymoon period ends. Continue reading

Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 26 – EMPATHY

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

EMPATHY  seems to be so much like sensitivity and understanding, yet it is a slightly different quality.  When we are sensitive, we are aware of our own emotions, bodily sensations and how we are interpreting a given event or response from someone else.  When we are sensitive we also recognize that someone else’s response may be different from our own.  When we understand how we and the other person are thinking and feelings, we can more easily choose how we want to respond.  But without empathy, it can become an intellectual process.  Without empathy, we may feel bothered, annoyed or even indifferent to someone else’s needs and desires.

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY, FORGIVENESS and ACCEPTANCE may be apparent.  But do you have EMPATHY for yourself in your own struggles and for another person whose struggles may be different from your own?

Today’s question is:  How much EMPATHY are you able to feel for others when they express emotions that make you uncomfortable or that you feel are exaggerated and unnecessary?

  • Are you able to actually imagine and visualize what it must feel like to be another person, to live with their mindset and values?
  • Can you identify with another person, tune in and actually feel similar emotions, without losing your own sense of self?
  • Can you freely respond with compassion, interest, and understanding when you do not live up to your own expectations or when someone you are close to disappoints, hurts or even betrays you?

Ask yourself NOW: How easily and readily can I share EMPATHY with myself and others when life throws a curve ball and I am not feeling strong and centered?

Research about what qualities are essential in a therapeutic relationship has indicated time and again that the most essential quality is EMPATHY.  It is not the specific method or even the level of expertise and skill that can help to uplift and transform another person’s mindset.  The one quality that helps a person to change is EMPATHY.  Everybody wants to be loved and accepted and acknowledged for being exactly the way we are.  Nobody wants to be expected to change to please another person. If we feel pressured and expected to change, the most natural thing to do is to adamantly resist. But when someone seems to know us at a really deep level, when someone seems to really “get who we are,” and when we feel understood, accepted, cared for and acknowledged, then we may be willing to let down our guard and make those small changes that are needed.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

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Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 23 – RECEPTIVITY

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

RECEPTIVITY, an open mind, open heart and open arms toward us, cannot help but bring a smile to our face and a warm feeling spreading through our body.  We thrive on someone else’s RECEPTIVITY to us, to our ideas, to our suggestions, to our expressed and unexpressed needs and desires.   Often, we expect the other person – in business, in family, in friendship and in our most intimate relationship – to be receptive, caring, demonstrating acceptance, and being friendly and approachable to us.  But do we reciprocate?

You may be clear about your INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE your relationships skills, you are able to balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY  and UNDERSTANDING are strong. But can you allow your RECEPTIVITY to surpass your resistance, judgement, blame, emotional upsets and resentments that occur when life hits you some curve balls?

Today’s question is:  How strong is your RECEPTIVITY to another person’s different perspective, opposing needs and desires, and alternative ways of handling and altering plans and activities that directly affect you?

  • Are you accessible, approachable, open, friendly and readily interested in the people with whom you have business and personal relationships?
  • Can you avoid expressing hostility, judgement, anger, frustration and disdain when another person directly opposes what YOU think is the correct and best way to do something?
  • Do you remain calm and centered, caring and attentive toward yourself and another person, in the face of that person’s anger, argumentativeness, lack of empathy, intimidation and aggression?

Ask yourself NOW: How much RECEPTIVITY am I able to exhibit before I start to resist, judge, blame, withdraw and indicate my displeasure at another person’s attitudes and actions that differ from what I want and expect?

RECEPTIVITY is one of the qualities that we all love in babies, young children and in starry eyed lovers.  They respond openly with all of their senses.  They smile and laugh, giggle and reach out to touch, and are totally accepting of the present moment and the person who is presently the object of their attention and affection.  However, as a baby grows up and as two lovers spend more time together, they may gradually lose that spontaneous RECEPTIVITY.  Concerns and issues of daily living, unmet needs, and inappropriate expectations can cause a once receptive person to become guarded, self-protective, distrustful and resistant.  The goal is to develop Beginner’s Mind, to become like a child again or a lover of life, and to embrace life with a full dose of RECEPTIVITY daily.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 22 – UNDERSTANDING

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

UNDERSTANDING surpasses many qualities in life.  With a deep UNDERSTANDING of the complexities of a situation, the different meaning attributed to the same circumstances by the different people involved, we can overcome even the most seemingly impossible difficulties.

I remember a story about a Black preacher sharing a TV appearance with a staunch Ku Klux Klan member and by the end of the show they were shaking hands and liking each other.  The preacher had such a profound and comprehensive understanding that surpassed the lower level of prejudice between them.  Today I attended the Florida Marriage and Family Therapy State Conference.  A chaplain serving in the U.S. military shared a story about his response as a  “trained soldier” to his daughter’s unwillingness to do what he asked her to do.   That situation required a profound understanding by his wife about the way he had been taught to respond as a soldier. In his words he said.  “First I insist.  Then I assist.”  In other words, he asks once and if the person does not do what was asked, he forces the issue because his goal is to protect that person.  With ongoing and open communication, he and his wife and his child were able to “understand” each other and return to love.

So in your life, you may now have INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, full SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION,  good COMMUNICATION, PRACTICE building relationships skills, a healthy balance between TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY  and SENSITIVITY when you feel at least some of the above qualities in the other person.  But what happens when their response seems to be “crazy” or coming from left field.  How much UNDERSTANDING can you apply to the situation at hand?

Today’s question is:  Do you have a deep and comprehensive UNDERSTANDING about the way YOU think and feel, the way OTHERS think and respond, the way the WORLD words and the way RELATIONSHIPS develop?

  • Are you able to fully embrace a completely different point of view, perspective or style of handling situations with your spouse, business associate or others?
  • Can you remain kind, supportive, considerate, empathic and even indulgent when another person’s response does not yet make sense to you?
  • How perceptive, aware, thoughtful, kind and compassionate are you in situations and relationships that are difficult to comprehend, interpret or settle harmoniously?

Ask yourself NOW: How much informed, reasoned and studied UNDERSTANDING do you bring to the complex, confusing, upsetting and disharmonious situations and relationships in your life?

When I took the EST Training with Werner Erhard many, many years ago, he used to say repeatedly:  “Understanding is the booby prize.”  In his way of thinking, UNDERSTANDING is an intellectual activity and bypasses the emotions.  In my experience over a few decades with thousands of clients, without UNDERSTANDING there is often lots of emotion, lots of expressed negative emotion, and lots of resistance and emotional pain.  With deep and respectful and abiding UNDERSTANDING, forgiveness becomes possible, love surpasses self-interest, and relationships can flourish.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 21 – SENSITIVITY

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

SENSITIVITY  is a quality that many people prefer to hide, wanting to appear strong, indifferent and independent. However, it is precisely when we reveal our SENSITIVITY that the other person’s tender feelings are aroused.  When we reveal our sensitivity, other people tend to feel empowered and important. Then they are more likely to want to reach out to nurture, and soothe, and please us.

You may now have INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, full SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION,  good COMMUNICATION, PRACTICE building relationships skills, a healthy balance between TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMYHowever, if your SENSITIVITY is suppressed, hidden, denied or lacking due to too much self interest, all the other qualities will soon have less significance.

Today’s question is:  Do you consistently express your SENSITIVITY when your business associates, friends, family or loved ones express their needs, desires or intentions – and – those are different from your own expectations and needs?

  • Are you able to disagree or even feel emotionally wounded and at the same time empathize with the emotions of another?
  • How often are you thoughtful about what another person may want, need or intend even when that person has difficulty expressing it or asking for it?
  • Do you show sympathy, compassion, kindliness and warmth toward those you say you care about?

Ask yourself NOW:  How consistently and openly do I express my SENSITIVITY so that other people around me feel emotionally safe, acknowledged, understood and appreciated?

SENSITIVITY is often viewed as insecurity, weakness and emotional instability.  When I was young, on several occasions when I would rightfully express my concern about someone else’s hurtful words or actions, they would respond by telling me “You’re too sensitive.”  Has anyone ever told YOU that you are too sensitive?  What they really mean is that you are sensitive and they don’t want to be bothered with attempting to understand your feelings and make changes in their own behaviors.

SENSITIVITY for the plight and struggles of others is important.  But even more essential is to develop SENSITIVITY to your own emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual needs and longings.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of LIfe – Day 16 – COMPASSION

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

COMPASSION may be the most important human quality.  We can actually feel COMPASSION toward another person even if they are brutally hurting us emotionally and even physically.  If you look at a little baby, you will notice that they are pure love.  They respond to smiles with open eyes and big broad giggly smiles.  They react to negative energy with fear and contraction and crying.  Watch that little innocent baby grow up.  If he or she has received good enough parenting with lots of love and affection, that person will be able to share love with others as an adult.  However, if that child is neglected, abused, rejected  abandoned and does not have the guidance, support and love of at least one other person in life, it is not surprising for that person to hurt others without feeling remorse.

Do YOU regularly feel COMPASSION for your most intimate partner, for your colleagues, bosses and employees, your neighbors, your friends and family members and even for strangers you have never met?

So you have an INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, and full SEXUAL EXPRESSION.  Then, as long as your partner is also sharing all these wonderful attitudes and enabling you to freely express your sexuality, you will be fine.  But what happens when your partner or other people in your life are not behaving well, are not sharing their love and passion, desire and creativity with you?  What happens when you have finally healed your emotional baggage and the other people are laying their stuff upon you?

Today’s question is:  Can you feel COMPASSION for the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual struggles of the people in your life, even and especially when they are witholding their love from you?

  • When you are not getting what you want and things are not going well, are you able to remain kindhearted and benevolent toward others  in your life?
  • Do sympathize when others are suffering and are you able to imagine being in their shoes so that you can help them to discover a different way to respond?
  • Can you continue to express concern, consideration and loving support even, and especially, when others are emotionally off-center, defensive or shut down?

Ask yourself NOW: Do I allow myself to recognize the emotional pain and suffering of other people when they behaving badly, expressing the opposite of love, and attempting to hurt me in some way?

COMPASSION  occurs most easily when we have exercised the muscles of our emotional heart.  When we have personally suffered and now recognize our own unique value and the special worth of every single person, then we do not have to get triggered by their emotional upsets. Most of the time, the emotions of others have very little to do with us and the present moment.  Something right now has triggered a thought, a memory or an emotion about something from the past.  If we can remain calm and loving and share true compassion, we can bring the other person back into the present moment. 

When we stop feeling compassion, we have temporarily lost our realization of just how powerful we are.  Power does not come from externally controlling anyone or anything.  Power comes from recognizing our own internal strength and our role as a reminder to others of just how powerful they are.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 15 – SEXUAL EXPRESSION

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

All living beings have a sexual nature that is expressed differently for each species and even among different members of the same species.  This is especially true for humans.  The way we express our sexuality is a metaphor for the way we are living our life and it reveals to us our deepest natural desires.  When our sexual hormones are flowing, we strive to connect with others who match our particular concepts of what is attractive and appealing.  As we develop a long term relationship with one person, even if that person made us hot and jealous and possessive in the early days, the excitement tends to dissipate and we start to look at this very real person in front of us.  Often we are not as thrilled as we once were, especially other people we are not that close to appear to have more exciting and sexy qualities.

Can SEXUAL EXPRESSION continue to thrive in a long term intimate relationship with one and the same person for many years?

You may have had your ups and downs and have managed to maintain a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE,ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY, even  SENSUALITY your body may interfere with your mind’s good intentions and basic values.  However, if your SEXUAL EXPRESSION is not authentic, truly expressing your deepest longing and desires, then there is a part of you that you are witholding from your relationship and your life.

Today’s question is:  Can you reveal your most intimate and personal SEXUAL EXPRESSION with a long term partner with whom you share your daily life troubles, successes, fears and joys?

  •  Is your mind flooded with imaginary scenes of bliss with your partner?
  • Are you fantasizing about other men or women while viewing your current partner as a friend or like a family member?
  • Do you find yourself most attracted to someone of a different nationality, age group, socioeconomic level, or value system, in other words, someone who does not really match your background, training, values or your level of life success?

Ask yourself NOW: Do I allow my authentic and natural SEXUAL EXPRESSION to reveal itself in my most intimate relationship or is there something I have been afraid to express and reveal?

SEXUAL EXPRESSION is often overlooked, denied, suppressed, and undervalued in an intimate relationship as the bonding, connection and interdependence grows.  When each partner feels as if they are fully expressing their sexuality, the sexual connection becomes a small and seemingly insignifcant part of the relationship.  However, when one or both partners feel as if they are suppressing something, if they feel drawn to others outside the relationship, if they are feeling emotionally stifled, then it may be time to seek counseling, specifically sexual counseling, for this very basic and important aspect of an intimate relationship.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

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