One Moment in Time

One Moment in Time

Birds on OceanHave you ever experienced a precious moment, or series of moments, when you felt pure and sweet love for another person – a moment captured in your memory but gone from sight forever?  Several years ago I wrote a poignant poem about a love of years gone by, someone who filled my heart with joy and helped me to live in the moment.  When we were together there was no past and no future, only the present moment. His face lit up when I came into view and I could sit quietly in his presence, just waiting and feeling totally content. Continue reading

Creating Loving Relationships – What Question Do You Ask?

Creating Love Question

Creating Love Question

Each of us has a unique personality style, based upon many factors. We have a genetic code, a family of origin, a social and economic culture in which we were raised, and our education – to name just a few of the many factors that affect our personality and view of the world. So, if we have had so many different influences upon our thinking process, why is it that we expect our partners and friends to just understand us? Why don’t we realize that their minds are filled with thoughts and memories, emotional triggers and mental images? And – we have no idea what is going on in someone else’s mind at any given moment – unless we ask and find out.

What questions do you ask other people, either directly and out loud or indirectly and in your own mind? Do you tend to ask, and expect to get the answer, about what the other person can do to help you and make your life more comfortable? Of do you often ask what You can do to make the other person’s life easier? Whichever of these questions you ask will have a profound effect upon the outcome of your interactions.

When you ask how you can help another person, you start to pay attention and learn how the other person thinks and feels and behaves. You learn how you can alter your own thoughts and behaviors to accommodate the requests. It is important to not forget yourself but to also reveal your own needs and desires – without demand. That type of caring communication leads to greater and greater communication, understanding and empathy. And, if the other person just cannot reciprocate after you have listened and cared and given your best, then you have a new decision to make based upon greater and greater clarity.

However, if you are like so many of us, asking what you can get and receive from another person or how they can help you to get what you want, then you are missing out on a key piece of building relationships. Each time you ask what another person can do for you, your focus is on YOU – not on the other person. It becomes much more about how YOU think, how YOU feel and how the other person is affecting YOUR behavior. In thinking about you, the learning process is stifled. You have given up an opportunity to learn life lessons from another person’s perspective. You have given up a chance to strengthen your own loving nature.

What you focus on grows and builds. If you focus on yourself and your needs, your needs and desires just continue to grow. When you focus on the needs and desires of others, your own needs take a back seat and your are able to see more clearly. Yes, there are some people who will thrive on your giving and have difficulty reciprocating. But if you have been giving value to all the people in your life, your good will be returned to you, maybe not from this person but from many others.

Which question do you ask most often? Please share in the comments below and if you like, please spread the word to others to start asking the right question.

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Warmly,

 

Dr. Erica

Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 30 – FLOW

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

I have discovered, for myself, that taking on a challenge gets my psychic and physical energy flowing and aligned. In other words, it puts me into the FLOW.  After 30 days of writing blog posts daily, I want to leave you with the most important aspect of any activity in your life.  If you are operating within this system, everything else seems to fall into place.  When you are in the FLOW, life is beautiful, every moment is an adventure to cherish, and every person is a symbol of God’s love.

Young children naturally function within the FLOW of their everyday activities.  When they get involved in an activity, they are totally present until something distracts them and then they become totally involved in a new activity.  When we are in the FLOW, time moves slowly and we are not impatient.  When we are in the FLOW of love, we are happy to allow the love to build, we enjoy the nuances of our shared experience and we express all those other wonderful qualities I have been talking about for 29 days.  When we are in relationship FLOW, each of us feels accepted, understood, appreciated, acknowledged, trusted and desired.  There is no craving or longing for something outside the relationship because we are able to express our full self and feel all of our feelings.

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY, FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE, and EMPATHY may be flourishing.  You may know the PURPOSE for your relationship and your life MISSION. You may even have a sense of MASTERY of your relationships and your life.  If you have developed all of the above skills to an adequate (not perfect) level, then you will easily and often find yourself living in the FLOW, loving your life and loving your relationships.

Today’s question is:  How often and how easily do you find yourself living and loving in the FLOW?

  • Are you able to roll with the punches, take the path of least resistance, and enjoy drifting along within your relationships?
  • Can you set the course, ask for what you want, encourage others to express their needs and then creatively rise above the tide?
  • When you feel a surge of fear, discomfort, emotional uncertainty, disappointment even boredom, can you stay the course, ride the wave, and continue to more forward within your relationships?

Ask yourself NOW: Can I stay in the FLOW when I encounter the ups and downs and ins and outs of loving relationships in my life?

Being in the FLOW is what allows works of art to be created.  Being in the FLOW leads to marriage, business development, and success at all levels of human being.  Relationships are a work of art in progress.  The instrument through which we create this masterpiece is LOVE.   With interest, determination, study and practice we CAN develop all the necessary skills and emotional overtones to build exquisite relationships filled with love.  Are YOU ready to develop MASTERY and get into the FLOW?

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

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Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 29 – MASTERY

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

Mastery is the goal of every action and activity we engage in.  A newborn baby has not developed mastery over even the basic life skills such as eating and eliminating wastes.  Imagine living life in our society without mastery over basic bodily functions and habits.  Most of us would agree that we would have difficulty being productive and social.  However, when it comes to our relationships many of us do not think it is necessary to develop mastery.  We may think erronesously – “This is who I am, take it or leave it.”

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY, FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE, and EMPATHY may be flourishing.  You may know the PURPOSE for your relationship and how this meshes with your life MISSION. Now is the time to focus on developing MASTERY of your relationships and your life.

Today’s question is:  If you have developed all the required relationship skills to some degree and you continue to practice, how close would you honestly say you are to having a true sense of MASTERY over creating and sustaining love in your most significant relationships?

  • Are you a leader helping others to overcome resistance and learn how to love?
  • Do others naturally turn to you as a mentor, teacher, confidant and expert on creating satisfying love relationships?
  • Can you tolerate differences, wait patiently, understand and accept what you receive, retain your passion and use your creative impulses to bring out the greatest love possible in all of your most significant relationships?

Ask yourself NOW: Have I developed MASTERY over creating, building and sustaining loving relationships?

In his book about motivation in business, Daniel Pink explains that our goal is to develop MASTERY.   But that can be a slippery slope.  It does not usually happen quickly.  It is fraught with obstacles, problems and sometimes requires true grit and persistence to get past the difficulties.  MASTERY, according to Pink, is a goal that cannot ever be reached.  But when we strive for MASTERY, we can create a relationship more beautiful than we could have imagined with love boomeranging back to us the more we give.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 26 – EMPATHY

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

EMPATHY  seems to be so much like sensitivity and understanding, yet it is a slightly different quality.  When we are sensitive, we are aware of our own emotions, bodily sensations and how we are interpreting a given event or response from someone else.  When we are sensitive we also recognize that someone else’s response may be different from our own.  When we understand how we and the other person are thinking and feelings, we can more easily choose how we want to respond.  But without empathy, it can become an intellectual process.  Without empathy, we may feel bothered, annoyed or even indifferent to someone else’s needs and desires.

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY, FORGIVENESS and ACCEPTANCE may be apparent.  But do you have EMPATHY for yourself in your own struggles and for another person whose struggles may be different from your own?

Today’s question is:  How much EMPATHY are you able to feel for others when they express emotions that make you uncomfortable or that you feel are exaggerated and unnecessary?

  • Are you able to actually imagine and visualize what it must feel like to be another person, to live with their mindset and values?
  • Can you identify with another person, tune in and actually feel similar emotions, without losing your own sense of self?
  • Can you freely respond with compassion, interest, and understanding when you do not live up to your own expectations or when someone you are close to disappoints, hurts or even betrays you?

Ask yourself NOW: How easily and readily can I share EMPATHY with myself and others when life throws a curve ball and I am not feeling strong and centered?

Research about what qualities are essential in a therapeutic relationship has indicated time and again that the most essential quality is EMPATHY.  It is not the specific method or even the level of expertise and skill that can help to uplift and transform another person’s mindset.  The one quality that helps a person to change is EMPATHY.  Everybody wants to be loved and accepted and acknowledged for being exactly the way we are.  Nobody wants to be expected to change to please another person. If we feel pressured and expected to change, the most natural thing to do is to adamantly resist. But when someone seems to know us at a really deep level, when someone seems to really “get who we are,” and when we feel understood, accepted, cared for and acknowledged, then we may be willing to let down our guard and make those small changes that are needed.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of LIfe – Day 24 – FORGIVENESS

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

FORGIVENESS is not a one-time event.  When we get involved in a relationship, any relationship which involves closeness, shared activities, and dual responsibility, our emotions will sometimes be aroused and not in the way we want and expect.  When the other person upsets us, treats us unfairly, fails to keep promises and commitments, or blindsides us in some reprehensible way, to maintain the relationship we will have to practice FORGIVENESS.

The New Testament of the bible states that we need to forgive “70X7.”  It does not tell us to forgive once and then walk away.  It does not tell us to forgive and expect the other person to instantly discontinue their wayward activities.  No, the bible reminds us to keep forgiving and even to “turn the other cheek.”  We are also told that “the meek shall inherit the earth.”

Does this mean that we owe it to other people to become a perpetual doormat?  No.  There is a deeper meaning to FORGIVENESS.  What I like to use as a metaphor is a person who is a Black Belt in Karate or a master at Tai Chi or some other martial art.  When a student reaches a high level of mastery in a fighting sport, that person knows how to instantly kill another person.  Knowing that bring a powerful responsibility.  A martial arts master will not seek a fight, will not provoke a fight, and will willingly turn the other cheek and forgive 70X7.  However, if the danger or provocation by the other becomes too great, the master may just point a finger with total clarity and intensity of focus, and the other person will either go flying or will be struck dead.

So here you are.  You have established your INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING and RECEPTIVITY are strong.  But what happens when another person does you wrong, hurts you, disappoints you, abuses you or betrays your trust and love?

Today’s question is:  How strong is your willingness to allow FORGIVENESS to rule in all situations in your life – maybe not in the exact moment of emotional devastation – but as you develop greater understanding and wisdom?

  • Are you able to readily forgive another person for wrongdoing without holding on to blame and criticism, judgement and ruthless distancing?
  • Can you absolve yourself or someone else from guilt and blame, showing mercy and tolerance, even if  the remorse and regret is not as strong as expected?
  • Do you understand, pardon, feel compassion and even pity for the other person, knowing that if someone feels loved they do not need to hurt others?

Ask yourself NOW: How easily and readily am I able to practice FORGIVENESS of myself first and then all others with whom I am in even a momentary relationship?

FORGIVENESS  is powerful.  It frees up our energy, allowing our mind to focus on what we choose in the present moment.  Without FORGIVENESS, our mind loops back over and over ruminating about someone or something that has not pleased us.  And then our emotions kick in and we feel upset, disgruntled, frustrated, angry and whatever else gets stirred up in our consciousness.  As we allow FORGIVENESS to enter our consciousness, we are instantly soothing our body, relaxing our thinking process and bringing our mind, mind and spirit into balanced equilibrium.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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