Stop the dating cycle and finally get a commitment

Are you or someone you know struggling with dating, finding men who seem to be “the one” and then disappoint you within a few weeks or months? Maybe you have been blindly opening your heart and believing that the other person feels the same way. Maybe you just don’t know what to look for, what to expect and what to walk away from.

Your Love Location Map

 

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Love is Ending – Divorce is Near

Thinking About Divorce and Don't Know How?

Thinking About Divorce and Don’t Know How?

 

Spring is here.  Love is in the air.  Romance is blooming.  Couples are meeting, smiling, holding hands and loving each other.

 

Unless … they feel as if they’ve had enough, they’re angry, they’re bored, they’ve lost interest, they feel betrayed, or they just want a change.  Divorce is not my favorite topic.  When I work with couples, my goal is always to help them re-evaluate the relationship, strengthen their own inner love, and share that love with each other.  Very often, a minor shift in attitude and perspective can help two people get back to feeling the love they once felt for each other.  And sometimes, one or both partners have given up and have decided to end the marriage.

A while back, I wrote a blog to help you think about how you really feel and some of the choices available to you.  Separation or Divorce – Which is Right for YOU?

 

This week I received a link to an article that offers some of the nitty gritty facts you might need to know, all in one place, to help you decide how to proceed if you are seriously considering separation and divorce.  20 of the Best Blogs to Read before Filing for Divorce

 

However, before you leap into the unknown and regret your decision, please consider spending a few sessions in counseling.  You have invested time, money, love and your commitment to share your life with this one other person.  Isn’t your relationship and your investment worth spending a little more time to get clear about what you both feel, what you both need, and how to proceed in the best way possible?

Heal Through Love NOWDON’T WAIT.

 

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Warmly,

 

Dr. Erica

 

 

5 Essential Ways to be YOU

Be Who You Are

Be Who You Are

 

The greatest gift you have to offer to the ones you love and to everyone you meet is YOU. We are all unique and special. What I share with you can literally change your life. And what you share with me can calm my fears, clarify my life purpose or bring to me a sense that I am not alone. We can help others to see the world and their life circumstances in a new light if we reveal what is true for us. But when we hide, withhold, or fear the reactions of others, we deprive others from the benefit of our wisdom and we deprive our self of the opportunity to feel valued and special.

 

How much of YOU have you been hiding from the world and maybe even hiding from yourself? Do you freely express exactly what you are thinking and feeling regardless of the reactions and responses of others? Do you tell yourself the truth about what is happening in your life at any given moment?
If you are like the vast majority of us, you are probably more likely to be truthful when you feel good about a situation and untruthful when you feel upset. For example, if you finished a project and received lots of praise, you probably would enjoy talking about the project and what you had to do to complete it. However, if you feel criticized and judged, you may feel a need to defend yourself and to blame somebody or something, including yourself.

 

Being authentic involves being able to step back from any situation, no matter how difficult and emotionally painful, and express your true thoughts and feelings about it. The only way we can make positive changes is if we acknowledge what is actually happening. And this works for projects, for relationships and for our own personal well-being.


1. Know yourself

Thousands of years ago, the famous Greek philosopher Socrates, taught his students that the most important learning is to “Know thy self.” And most of us think we do know our own self, after all we wake up, spend the day together, and sleep together every night. We certainly must know something about this person called “I.” But something happens in our developing years, words are heard, behaviors are seen, and body language is expressed by our caretakers and others who claim to love us. We look to be accepted so we adjust our thoughts and actions to receive the acceptance from outside and also from inside our own mind. But no matter how well we behave and how many positive thoughts we think, we cannot ignore our emotions, we cannot ignore what we truly feel. Start paying attention to the sensations in your body, the warning signs that something does not feel right, does not feel safe, is not aligned with your authentic needs and desires.


2. Acknowledge yourself

Do you know how magnificent you are? If you are like many of us, when you are praised and complimented you may actually think to yourself “That’s nice but it’s no big deal. Anyone can do this.” And when you are criticized you probably begin to think about yourself “You idiot. Everyone else can do this or do it better, so why can’t you.” Start keeping track of what you are doing well and how you are affecting the world in a positive way. Learn from negative situations and keep reminding yourself of all the good that you do and that you are.


3. Accept yourself

Is there something about yourself that you have been unable to accept? Now is the time to stop judging, to tell the truth to yourself, and face your fear that you are not good enough or that something is wrong with you. Seek help from a qualified professional or a caring friend. Sometimes you need input from outside of yourself because your mind is sending you messages in a negative feedback loop, telling you what is wrong with you. Someone else can remind you that you are not those thoughts and that you are okay.


4. Appreciate yourself

Do you show appreciation to yourself every day? When you accomplish something, do you wait for someone else to acknowledge you or do you give yourself the praise you deserve? Do you buy yourself gifts or does it only feel good when it comes from someone else? Do you take yourself out to a special restaurant, movie, theater or other activity or do you only treat yourself when you are with someone else? Look in the mirror and send love to the person looking back at you. Befriend yourself. Love yourself. Appreciate yourself.

 

5. Share yourself

Even in your most open moments you may still be hiding some private part of yourself. What would it feel like to freely say exactly what you are thinking and feeling in any given moment with any other person? Imagine the effect you can have on another person as you openly share yourself. We all want to “fit in,” feel accepted and safe. That’s why so many of us tend to put on a false front without revealing our internal emotional state. When someone shares their truth without worrying how the rest of us will respond, that person gives the rest of us permission. Be the leader. Lead by example. Open your heart and share who you are. Some people may not like it and may resist your authenticity. Do it anyway.

Every one of us arrives on this planet as a precious and unique being. As infants we don’t worry about what anybody else thinks. When we are hungry we will do whatever we can to get mommy or daddy to feed us. When we have digested our food and are ready to let it go, we do not refrain from expressing our natural urges. We smile when we feel safe and we cringe in fear or cry and scream when we are bothered. Babies are authentic. So are animals.
Being authentic is our natural way of being. And then life takes over. People, circumstances, education and our own mental images and interpretations collaborate to stop us from being our magnificent self. Today is the day to express your true self and to choose to connect with people who allow you to freely be yourself. Share your special gift, YOU, with the world around you.

JOIN the RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLE+

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Be authentic in all your relationships.

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 28 – MISSION

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

Each of us has a MISSION, a goal and intention for our life, that provides for us a sense of value, well-being and importance.  When you know your life MISSION, then it becomes so easy to focus and create your heart’s desire in any area of your life.  All of your energy will be aligned toward achieving and attaining your desired goals.  Life seems to have no intrinsic meaning.  Each of us is born.  Each of us will die.  The meaning we give to our life is determined by us.  We decide upon that meaning.  We choose our own personal MISSION.

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY, FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE, and EMPATHY may be flourishing.  You may know the PURPOSE for your relationship.  But does this relationship support your life MISSION and the legacy you want to leave for those who follow you?

Today’s question is:  Have you determined your own unique life MISSION and have you been living in accordance with what it will take to fulfill your MISSION?

  • Are your current activities and the people you spend time with supportive and aligned with your life MISSION?
  • Do you have an underlying desire to pursue something or someone completely different from your current direction?
  • Are your emotions calm and serene, balanced and at peace, because you KNOW you are following the path that stirs your passion and calls you to take action?

Ask yourself NOW: Have I discovered and am I living according to my own chosen life MISSION?

When the purpose for your business and personal relationships is aligned with your grander vision of your life’s MISSION, all the required tasks and sacrifices, education and stumbling blocks, emotional pain and intermittent struggle, will not deter you from seeking to reach your goals.  When you know your MISSION and are determined to leave your legacy, the universe seems to open its portals and success naturally pursues you.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 26 – EMPATHY

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

EMPATHY  seems to be so much like sensitivity and understanding, yet it is a slightly different quality.  When we are sensitive, we are aware of our own emotions, bodily sensations and how we are interpreting a given event or response from someone else.  When we are sensitive we also recognize that someone else’s response may be different from our own.  When we understand how we and the other person are thinking and feelings, we can more easily choose how we want to respond.  But without empathy, it can become an intellectual process.  Without empathy, we may feel bothered, annoyed or even indifferent to someone else’s needs and desires.

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY, FORGIVENESS and ACCEPTANCE may be apparent.  But do you have EMPATHY for yourself in your own struggles and for another person whose struggles may be different from your own?

Today’s question is:  How much EMPATHY are you able to feel for others when they express emotions that make you uncomfortable or that you feel are exaggerated and unnecessary?

  • Are you able to actually imagine and visualize what it must feel like to be another person, to live with their mindset and values?
  • Can you identify with another person, tune in and actually feel similar emotions, without losing your own sense of self?
  • Can you freely respond with compassion, interest, and understanding when you do not live up to your own expectations or when someone you are close to disappoints, hurts or even betrays you?

Ask yourself NOW: How easily and readily can I share EMPATHY with myself and others when life throws a curve ball and I am not feeling strong and centered?

Research about what qualities are essential in a therapeutic relationship has indicated time and again that the most essential quality is EMPATHY.  It is not the specific method or even the level of expertise and skill that can help to uplift and transform another person’s mindset.  The one quality that helps a person to change is EMPATHY.  Everybody wants to be loved and accepted and acknowledged for being exactly the way we are.  Nobody wants to be expected to change to please another person. If we feel pressured and expected to change, the most natural thing to do is to adamantly resist. But when someone seems to know us at a really deep level, when someone seems to really “get who we are,” and when we feel understood, accepted, cared for and acknowledged, then we may be willing to let down our guard and make those small changes that are needed.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 25 – ACCEPTANCE

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

ACCEPTANCE  is the quality most us are seeking to receive and longing to feel in all of our relationships.  The opposite, rejection or dismissal, can be the most painful and self-demeaning experiences in our lives.  When we feel put down, ignored, invalidated or unnoticed, our world as we know it can collapse.  It doesn’t matter if we are the most intelligent, most attractive, most talented, best performing athlete, highest paid speaker, most accurate scientist, or most sensitive lover, our sense of ACCEPTANCE can greatly influence the way we view our self, our life, and our actual performance.

You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY and FORGIVENESS are readily apparent.  But are you able to allow full ACCEPTANCE of your relationship exactly the way it is at the current moment without feeling the pressure to deny, suppress or change something immediately.

Today’s question is:  How strong is your emotional capacity for full and unswerving ACCEPTANCE of the current reality in your business, professional, and personal relationships?

  • Are you able to receive the gifts that others are willing and able to give, even if they fall far short of your desires and expectations?
  • Can you tolerate differences of opinion, lifestyle, values, behaviors and attitudes and even acquiesce in support of another person’s agenda?
  • Can you freely recognize, acknowledge, and approve of others even when their beliefs and actions directly conflict with your own?

Ask yourself NOW: How easily and readily can I allow ACCEPTANCE to overrule my need to be right, my desire to make changes, and my fear that I am losing control in a relationship?

ACCEPTANCE may be the glue that holds a relationship together.  After many years of shared space at home or in a work environment, ACCEPTANCE of each others temperament, needs, and style of behaving can lessen the stress and expand the love.  Love and ACCEPTANCE is the honey that soothes old wounds, bridges gaps in communication, and feeds the process of bonding in any relationship.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

Love in the Blizzard of LIfe – Day 24 – FORGIVENESS

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

FORGIVENESS is not a one-time event.  When we get involved in a relationship, any relationship which involves closeness, shared activities, and dual responsibility, our emotions will sometimes be aroused and not in the way we want and expect.  When the other person upsets us, treats us unfairly, fails to keep promises and commitments, or blindsides us in some reprehensible way, to maintain the relationship we will have to practice FORGIVENESS.

The New Testament of the bible states that we need to forgive “70X7.”  It does not tell us to forgive once and then walk away.  It does not tell us to forgive and expect the other person to instantly discontinue their wayward activities.  No, the bible reminds us to keep forgiving and even to “turn the other cheek.”  We are also told that “the meek shall inherit the earth.”

Does this mean that we owe it to other people to become a perpetual doormat?  No.  There is a deeper meaning to FORGIVENESS.  What I like to use as a metaphor is a person who is a Black Belt in Karate or a master at Tai Chi or some other martial art.  When a student reaches a high level of mastery in a fighting sport, that person knows how to instantly kill another person.  Knowing that bring a powerful responsibility.  A martial arts master will not seek a fight, will not provoke a fight, and will willingly turn the other cheek and forgive 70X7.  However, if the danger or provocation by the other becomes too great, the master may just point a finger with total clarity and intensity of focus, and the other person will either go flying or will be struck dead.

So here you are.  You have established your INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING and RECEPTIVITY are strong.  But what happens when another person does you wrong, hurts you, disappoints you, abuses you or betrays your trust and love?

Today’s question is:  How strong is your willingness to allow FORGIVENESS to rule in all situations in your life – maybe not in the exact moment of emotional devastation – but as you develop greater understanding and wisdom?

  • Are you able to readily forgive another person for wrongdoing without holding on to blame and criticism, judgement and ruthless distancing?
  • Can you absolve yourself or someone else from guilt and blame, showing mercy and tolerance, even if  the remorse and regret is not as strong as expected?
  • Do you understand, pardon, feel compassion and even pity for the other person, knowing that if someone feels loved they do not need to hurt others?

Ask yourself NOW: How easily and readily am I able to practice FORGIVENESS of myself first and then all others with whom I am in even a momentary relationship?

FORGIVENESS  is powerful.  It frees up our energy, allowing our mind to focus on what we choose in the present moment.  Without FORGIVENESS, our mind loops back over and over ruminating about someone or something that has not pleased us.  And then our emotions kick in and we feel upset, disgruntled, frustrated, angry and whatever else gets stirred up in our consciousness.  As we allow FORGIVENESS to enter our consciousness, we are instantly soothing our body, relaxing our thinking process and bringing our mind, mind and spirit into balanced equilibrium.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 23 – RECEPTIVITY

Love in the Blizzard of Life - Creativity

RECEPTIVITY, an open mind, open heart and open arms toward us, cannot help but bring a smile to our face and a warm feeling spreading through our body.  We thrive on someone else’s RECEPTIVITY to us, to our ideas, to our suggestions, to our expressed and unexpressed needs and desires.   Often, we expect the other person – in business, in family, in friendship and in our most intimate relationship – to be receptive, caring, demonstrating acceptance, and being friendly and approachable to us.  But do we reciprocate?

You may be clear about your INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and  COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE your relationships skills, you are able to balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY,  your SENSITIVITY  and UNDERSTANDING are strong. But can you allow your RECEPTIVITY to surpass your resistance, judgement, blame, emotional upsets and resentments that occur when life hits you some curve balls?

Today’s question is:  How strong is your RECEPTIVITY to another person’s different perspective, opposing needs and desires, and alternative ways of handling and altering plans and activities that directly affect you?

  • Are you accessible, approachable, open, friendly and readily interested in the people with whom you have business and personal relationships?
  • Can you avoid expressing hostility, judgement, anger, frustration and disdain when another person directly opposes what YOU think is the correct and best way to do something?
  • Do you remain calm and centered, caring and attentive toward yourself and another person, in the face of that person’s anger, argumentativeness, lack of empathy, intimidation and aggression?

Ask yourself NOW: How much RECEPTIVITY am I able to exhibit before I start to resist, judge, blame, withdraw and indicate my displeasure at another person’s attitudes and actions that differ from what I want and expect?

RECEPTIVITY is one of the qualities that we all love in babies, young children and in starry eyed lovers.  They respond openly with all of their senses.  They smile and laugh, giggle and reach out to touch, and are totally accepting of the present moment and the person who is presently the object of their attention and affection.  However, as a baby grows up and as two lovers spend more time together, they may gradually lose that spontaneous RECEPTIVITY.  Concerns and issues of daily living, unmet needs, and inappropriate expectations can cause a once receptive person to become guarded, self-protective, distrustful and resistant.  The goal is to develop Beginner’s Mind, to become like a child again or a lover of life, and to embrace life with a full dose of RECEPTIVITY daily.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

PLEASE JOIN MY RELATIONSHIP HEALING MASTERMIND COMMUNITY AT GOOGLEPLUS.

Find a Healing Book or Kindle Book

Schedule an appointment DrEricaWellness.com

Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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