Healing Through Words
Remember that old saying “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me.” Well, I believe that somebody got that all wrong. Sticks and stones can break your bones, but bones will heal and sometimes become even stronger. Words can harm for an entire lifetime, even after years of intensive counseling, therapy, self-reflection, and supportive love. And words can literally make or break a business. The right words can bring you love, success and everything you want in life; the wrong words can destroy everything you’ve taken years to build in just one moment.
What are these words that can cause a lifetime of emotional pain, insecurity, low self-esteem, inability to fully express oneself, self-doubt and sometimes even self-destructive habitis and actions? Words spoken with the intention to label, demean, criticize, insult, shame and humiliate another person can create long lasting effects. Especially for growing children whose brains are first developing, hurtful words can take on meanings above and beyond the original intent. Children often interpret the words of an adult as “truth,” “the way it is.” Children, being egocentic, tend to believe the problems are all caused because they are not good enough, they are lacking and they are therefore unworthy.
The right words, spoken at the right moment, have the potential to heal even a lifetime of negative self-talk and memories of the hurtful words of others. Healing words are spoken with kindness, gentleness, compassion, and concern for the effect upon oneself and others. Healing words validate, encourage, respect, value, acknowledge, affirm and show appreciation for oneself and for others.
What are your words revealing about the way you think, feel and respond to others? What effect are other people’s words having upon your own sense of confidence, well being and self-respect? What words would you use, right now, to describe yourself, your life, your clients and customers, and the people with whom you are most intimate?
July 26th, 2010 at 6:29 pm
Good post about “words” and their power to harm, or to do good. Words are really just an extension of your thinking and your thoughts. ie. “thinking out loud”. And just like an email sent in haste, you can’t take words back. I have an antique postcard from the 1930′s on display that says “Write your letter while angry if you must, but mail it tomorrow.” Same applies today.
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 27th, 2010 at 1:31 am
I love your quote and I will remember that “Write your letter while angry if you must, but mail it tomorrow.” To apply that to words, I would say “Think angry words (even say them out loud to yourself in private), but wait until tomorrow to say those words out loud to someone else.
Erica
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July 27th, 2010 at 12:01 am
Thank you for that article.
Yes, I do agree that words are powerful. Therefore I objected to some of the things people said to my children. I was told they need to toughen up.
I think that old saying was just a way of saying, what you say doesn’t effect me, like a shield.
Love and Light
from
Yorinda
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 27th, 2010 at 1:29 am
That shows what a caring and insightful mother you are and have been. Your children are fortunate. Instead of toughening up, they need discernment, ability to recognize what is not appropriate and to be able to either confront it, walk away or find support elsewhere.
Erica
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July 27th, 2010 at 3:04 am
Such a powerful post! I am so guilty of speaking sometimes without realizing the impact my words can have on others. Thanks so much for this reminder. This week, I am making it my goal to use that filter between my brain and my mouth. Yes, I do have one. LOL
Debbie Stevens recently posted..Diamond in the Rough
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 2:22 am
Debbie,
There is also such a thing as being too cautious. It is also sometimes good to just express what you truly feel, even if it doesn’t bring optimum results. The main thing is to not unnecessarily wound another person if that can be prevented.
Erica
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July 27th, 2010 at 7:55 am
Erica,
I have always thought that ‘sticks and stones’ rhyme was wrong. I can remember as a child being more hurt by what people said about me than anything else. Children really do take things to heart!
Thanks for this post, like Debbie I will try to put my brain into gear before I say anything I regret in future!
Sue
Sue Collier recently posted..Email Marketing – The Money Is NOT In The List!!
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 2:23 am
As adults, we like to believe we don’t really care what others think and say about us – but we still do, and we still get affected. So it is helpful to be aware of that.
Erica
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July 27th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
brilliant post erica… my grandmother used to say the saying differently: “Sticks and stones will break my bones and words will ALWAYS hurt me.” Isn’t that wild? I didn’t “get it” as a kid, but she knew the power of language. i agree–we can spend years building a relationship, and damage it in mere seconds with poorly spoken and hurtful words.
i have mentors in business that tell me how incredible i am and assure me i will succeed, and while i believe it now, it helped me tremendously in the beginning as i ramped up my biz. i now do the same for my own downline.
thanks erica!
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July 27th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Erica
Wow what a post, this reminds me of a scripture that says “our words are like a two-edged sword.”
Nations have risen up and nations have been brought down by the spoken word. Words are Powerful!
I’ve been working hard over the past few years to THINK before I speak because one of two things will happen. I will raise somebody up with worlds of love and encouragement or bring somebody down with lack, doubt and disbelieve.
Heavy topic, but a GOOD one!
Debby
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 2:25 am
Debby, With words of lack, doubt and disbelief, we not only bring down other people but we also bring down our self. My goal is to speak and be more and more uplifting and optimistic, and when I slip, I plan to get right back up again.
Erica
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July 27th, 2010 at 11:27 pm
Erica,
What an awesome post! Being aware of how this affects people is huge. It took many years of personal growth learning to release the feelings I had held onto from my childhood.
So many of our programs and perceptions are formed before we have the tools necessary to negate them. Thanks for bringing this topic to light. It can never be heard too often.
Val
Val Wilcox recently posted..What’s Your Focus
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 2:26 am
Val,
I agree. We need to be reminded often that we make a difference and that our words can be more powerful than we imagine.
Erica
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July 30th, 2010 at 4:35 am
Your right Erica, Sticks and Stones hurt along with words. I remembered being hit as a child by my mother but her words were more powerful and still stick in my mind more then those slaps.I do forgive, but I will never forget
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
July 30th, 2010 at 11:17 pm
Barbara, Thanks for reinforcing this. Words have inspired nations both positively (think of Ghandi) and negatively (think of Hitler and other charismatic dictators).
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August 2nd, 2010 at 6:26 am
Thank you Erica for this post. What it triggered in me is a reflection on the critical self talk which rambles on in my mind and dis-empowers creative action. This week I will let my creativity reign free and observe where that takes me. There is such a yearning from deep within my soul to break free of old conditioning.
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Aline, By writing freely that your soul “yearns to break free of old conditioning” and that you plan to “let my creativity reign free,” just know it is already happening. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Warmly,
Erica
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August 4th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
Yes Erica words are actually a reflection of you and who you’re being. If you just focus on positive thoughts your words can not hlep but be in the same tone. It all starts with how you feel about yourself.
Michael
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 10:38 pm
Michael, Thanks for the reminder. I have been listening to so much positive thinking online that I can’t help but keep these positive thougts in my mind. It keeps moving me forward.
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