Ho’oponopono for Creating Joyful and Lasting Love
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This week I was reminded of Ho’oponopono, a powerful yet very simple Hawaiin process for clearing limited beliefs, unproductive programming, and emotional upsets stored in memory. In a beautifully written blog post, Yorinda Wanner introduces this powerful work with 2 very special and unique videos. One video shows Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len teaching the 4 part process as an Inner Child Meditation in such a gentle and profound way. The other video provides images and music to enhance the process. Yorinda offers her own interpretation and simplified understanding. She also references the book, Zero Limits, by Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len which explains the process of Ho’oponopono in greater detail.
I would like to apply this 4 step process to healing and enhancing love in your most intimate relationships. Here are the 4 short and easy to remember statements.
- I am sorry.
- Please forgive me.
- I love you.
- Thank you.
Simple, right? Well, not quite so simple. There is a certain way to approach using these 4 statements and the approach, attitude and repetition is what creates the powerful and enduring effect of the Ho’oponopono process.
Dr. Len uses the following sequence in his video for you to speak to and connect with your own subconscious mind, your own inner child, the one who holds all the memories, the one who “holds the mortgage” on your emotional life.
Watch Dr. Len’s video about Ho’oponopono Inner Child Meditation
Imagine now that you are treating your most intimate partner as if he or she is your own inner child, needing to hear from YOU these words of acknowledgement:
- thanking him or her just for existing and for being part of you now
- declaring your sincere and absolute enduring and unending love
- expressing that you are truly sorry for the pain the other person feels
- asking for forgiveness for any way you may have added to the hurt and pain
- repeating many times: “I love you.”
Try this process with your most intimate partner – or – face yourself in a mirror and repeat the process directly with yourself as if YOU were your own most significant lover.
“For the first time in creation I am acknowledging your presence in me.” Dr. Len is talking about the presence of your own subconscious mind within you being acknowledged by your own conscious mind. But what if you are acknowledging the presence of your loved one inside of you?
Follow that acknowledgement by saying: “I love you.” Acknowledge all the hurts and pain that are stored within the mind (the subconscious mind) of your loved one and sincerely say “I’m sorry. Please forgive me for all the accumulated memories that you experience as sorrow, as grieving, as pain.”
“You’re talking to this other person, acknowledging your own responsibility and all of the woes that the other person has that you have created, accepted and accumulated and that you would like to have it undone. Always ask the other person for permission. Please allow me to stroke the top of your head with love and concern.”
Now say to the other person “I love you. Please forgive me for all of the accumulated woes that you now have stored in you. I am sorry.” You can teach this “child,” this person, how to do clear their thoughts and memories. But if you have not been acknowledging, accepting and loving this person or really caring for him or her, the other person will not be able to let go of the stored memories.
Stroking this person’s head, say “I love you. Thank you for being part of me. And I’m sorry if I have been neglectful, if I have not taken good care of you. I’m sorry.”
Ask the other person for permission, if it is okay to hug him or her gently. “Please allow me to hug you. Thank you for being part of me. I love you. And I’m sorry for all accumulated memories that you experience as pain and suffering. Please, please forgive me.”
Ask the other person to give you his or her hand. Ask: “Please give me your hand so I can stroke it gently.” Reach for the hand. Grasp it gently. Gently stroking it, say: “Thank you for being part of me. A part I have not paid much attention to. And I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.”
Imagine providing such loving, accepting, caring, gentle, acknowledging words and actions for your intimate partner. With tender loving intimate concern, just think how our relationships could blossom and thrive.
If this process seems to hokey or too mechanistic for you, then try imagining this in your mind, expressing those thoughts and feelings toward your partner – even if you don’t’ actually say the words out loud. Imagine truly feeling sorry when you partner is suffering, rather than being a bit annoyed, impatient or condescending.
Please share your thoughts and reactions to using these powerful words and tender actions with someone you love.
Here’s to creating joyful and loving relationships in your life.
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Warmly,
Dr. Erica
December 21st, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Thank you for sharing this, Dr. Erica! Actually, it does sound a little hokey to me, but I understand the intent and accept the concepts as totally valid.
Thanks, too, to Yorinda for the original post.
Alan
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
December 21st, 2012 at 5:46 pm
Alan,
This is the type of exercise I will use in a couples workshop, not something that the average couple would be comfortable doing together. But imagine if each of us felt that the other was truly concerned about our past hurts and helping to soothe us with whatever bother us now.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 22nd, 2012 at 6:43 am
Dr Erica, Not sure hokey is the proper term I would use when presented with this. I am skeptical, but interested and intrigued. I get what you are saying about trying to understand the other persons suffering and offering your support and understanding as opposed to being irked or impatient with them. Embracing their pain and trying to understand and help them works much better.
Thank you Dr Erica and Yorinda!
Lynn
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
December 22nd, 2012 at 2:42 pm
Lynn,
Everyone feels so much more receptive when they feel we truly understand their struggles and difficulties – without judging and criticizing – but with true warmth and acceptance. Thanks for sharing your understanding and insights.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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Yorinda Reply:
December 27th, 2012 at 11:16 pm
Understanding someone else’s suffering when we are in an argument while our own feelings are activated takes a lot of practice.
Marci Shimoff shared in a call how she and her sister had been not talking to each other because of some conflict in the past. She met her sister again at a family gathering.
Since she found the tension too much Marci sat in the car and repeated the four sentences over and over for about 20 minutes.
After that she found a different perspective and went back inside.
Her sister asked her to help her with something as if nothing had happened.
Other family members asked if they had a talk because they noticed the drastic shift in energy.
May this story shows the power of using this technique.
Love and Light
Yorinda
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
December 28th, 2012 at 12:02 am
Yorinda,
Thanks for sharing that wonderful example of using the 4 statements.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 22nd, 2012 at 6:58 pm
I love the idea of facing myself in the mirror and forgiving myself for the pain I have inflicted upon myself. That is so very profound. We tend to beat ourselves up for the things we did, things we didn’t do or the things we think we have no control over. Powerful.
And, saying I love you a couple of times wouldn’t hurt either!
Thanks, Erica,
RICK
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
December 23rd, 2012 at 12:05 am
Rick,
It’s also really powerful to say those words to a partner, but not so easy for most of us to do. But it is beautiful to do it.
Warmly,
Erica
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December 23rd, 2012 at 2:46 am
Sometimes that which makes us most vulnerable can sound the most “hoakey”. But there is no substitute for treating ourselves and others with love, grace, and respect. Thanks for sharing this, Dr. Erica!
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
December 23rd, 2012 at 4:34 am
Steve,
What an eloquent answer. Thanks for all the wisdom you contribute to all of us.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 23rd, 2012 at 2:48 am
Hi Dr. Erica:
The four statements that you presented are indeed powerful. They are critical for having intimate relationships with others (especially our spouses).
Thanks!
Kevin
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
December 23rd, 2012 at 4:35 am
Kevin,
Why is it so difficult to share intimate with the person who is supposed to be our “intimate partner?” That’s why we need to begin with our own self.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 23rd, 2012 at 3:43 am
I love this article and they way it helps us readers identify. I feel like the daily edification of others has made me stronger in my relationships. I mean just celebrating people now vs when they are gone.
We all can learn from that one video which is powerful and understanding. It gave me hope not just for myself yet others. The more things are shared like this the better our communication with our loved ones will be.
Thanks Dr. Erica.
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
December 23rd, 2012 at 4:37 am
William,
So many people are suffering and then they suppress it when they get into a relationship. But a relationship needs to be a place to fully express those parts of ourselves that have been hurt and violated and feeling insecure. Love is not just for when everyone is on their top game.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 23rd, 2012 at 11:28 am
I think that telling someone you love them, showing them that you do, thanking them for being in your life, and also apologize for any hurts you may have caused are all great to use in relationships. You are correct, people should be comfortable in their relationships to express their feelings, which even includes admitting their wrongs.
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
December 23rd, 2012 at 7:43 pm
Nile,
You are so right. It is more important to share with someone the wrongs you have created as opposed to complaining of the wrongs you perceive that the other has done to you. There is truly an art of creating happy and fulfilling relationships.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 23rd, 2012 at 2:37 pm
I’m much bigger on actions than words. Actions are proof, words can be shallow, but the four phrases should be a part of our foundation.
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
Thank you.
I hear this a lot from my kids.
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
December 23rd, 2012 at 7:44 pm
Steven,
How wonderful to apply those concepts to being with your children. And if they can learn those 4 words from a very early age – wow – they truly have a head start in creating loving relationships.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 23rd, 2012 at 7:11 pm
Hello Dr Erica,
Thank you for sharing this great videos and Yourinda’s post with these links.
I amusing this technique for myself and others and the transformation is deep and immediate.
Taking the responsibility of what we attract and create in the outer world is already.
The 4 mantras are powerful one the set up is done in the right way and the goal is clear to the client (or to us if we are the ones to use the tool)
Thank you for sharing this wonderful insights and thank you for sharing the power of this resource, I love it!
Best wishes,
Patricia
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
December 23rd, 2012 at 7:46 pm
Patricia,
It is so much easier for us to blame the outer world and the people closest to us. And it is so much kinder and more loving to take responsibility and provide empathy and love for others.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 23rd, 2012 at 8:04 pm
Hi Dr. Erica,
you have transformed Dr. Len’s method into a very loving version to use in relationships.
What I like about using this method for healing my Inner Child is that when I do the work ‘in here’ the ‘out there’ changes to.
Taking responsibility for what is shown to us by what is happening and cleansing/clearing it within ourselves to me is the most important ‘work’ we can do.
Thank you for sharing your insights about this and for mentioning my post.
Love and Light!
Yorinda
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
December 24th, 2012 at 12:54 am
Yorinda,
You have been doing such powerful work. So many people are afraid to face their own self. It is so much easier to avoid facing yourself and blame others. But it is life transforming to face your own demons, to heal and then to live freely as your very best self.
Thank you for writing such a powerful post.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 23rd, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Dr. Erica,
sometime I do o not get teh chance to come to your blog and read the great indepth articles that you take great time to research and write for all of us to benefit.
Baxk in 2000 I was in Hawaii for 5 months and stay at a friend farm.. what a wonderful spititual place that was.. it was aboy 2000 feet above see levela nd from there I was driving down to the beacjh every day and up to the mountain a few other times and that is when I discovered “Ho’oponopono”…. a friend who was in Hawaii for over 20 years knew a palce where people would go for relaxation and yes, to experience Ho’oponopono first hand..
What you wrote, reminded me of the wonderful feeling received, the deep, deep healing that would take place and overall.. I can say that was heaven on earth for me…
You added the 4 steps.. as
•I am sorry.
•Please forgive me.
•I love you.
•Thank you.
What else can I say.. I love to thank you very much for bringing back memories and I love to thank you for adding teh 4 steps that complete the healing at any level or time.
All the best in all you do to help otehrs live a better life.
Marry Christmas to youa nd yoru family if you celebrate it and if not… just enjoy the great amd happy feeling that I send your way
nickc
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
December 24th, 2012 at 12:56 am
Nick,
What a surprise that you spent 5 months in Hawaii and that you experienced this amazing Ho’oponopono. When I was in Hawaii I experienced a massage inside a sauna, which was wonderful, but there was no dialogue.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 23rd, 2012 at 10:17 pm
Hi Dr. Erica,
Thank you for sharing Yorinda’s links. This is a unique method to help us deal with our unconscious beliefs. The inner child is simply the grand total of our subconscious. I suppose it is a matter of us making up our minds and giving ourselves permission for forgiveness.
I’ve heard of this method before using the 4 steps, and honestly I cannot recall.
Thank you,
Raena Lynn
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
December 24th, 2012 at 12:58 am
Raena,
The most important aspect is not the 4 steps but the attitude of complete empathy, love, forgiveness, taking responsibility and being present. Any relationship could certainly benefit from this.
Warmly,
Dr.Erica
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December 24th, 2012 at 12:00 am
I love the simplicity of the concept (I won’t even attempt to pronounce it, let alone type it), and yet as you point out it’s something that we can easily get wrong. Thank you for sharing the videos.
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
December 24th, 2012 at 1:00 am
Sarah,
Just remember the goal is to access your own inner strength by acknowledging the pain and hurt and disappointments in your life, forgiving yourself and others for being less than you need or expect, and sharing loving concern openly.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 24th, 2012 at 1:39 am
Ho’opnonopono is one of the many valuable lessons that one can learn from Huna and the ancient hawaaians. There is a vast lore of magic and manifesting that runs deep and is worth a study.
Kim
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
December 24th, 2012 at 1:47 am
Kim,
Yes, Ho’oponopono is extremely powerful. It may appear simplistic and even hokey, but if we truly follow these 4 simple steps with our own inner child and in relationship with our problems and with others, life can truly be more wonderful.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 28th, 2012 at 12:46 am
Hello Dr. Erica, I feel we all sometimes in our life take the 4 statements you mentioned for granted. Not saying them enough at the right time, or saying them at random when its meaningless can both have negative effects. Thanks so much for sharing this post, I received value from reading it.
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
December 28th, 2012 at 5:31 am
Carol,
It is so wonderful to tell the people you care about, the ones you are close to, just how much they mean to you. It is also wonderful to let them know that you understand their struggles and their pain. And that you want to help to ease their mind. How comforting is that?
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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December 28th, 2012 at 8:21 am
Hi Dr Erica, if I did some of those things to my partner, he might freak out a little. Not that we are not loving, it’s just that we don’t go to that extent. I DO love your way of discussing it though, and know that you would be a wonderful “couples coach”.
Wishing you a VERY Happy New Year. REgards from Julieanne
Julieanne van Zyl recently posted..Your own Daily Marketing Coach
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
December 28th, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Julieanne,
I agree with you. My husband would not easily do an exercise like the one suggested unless it was in a formal counseling session. Somehow, in a workshop, counseling or coaching session we may be willing to do something that ordinarily would seem too strange.
Thanks for your input.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..Ho’oponopono for Creating Joyful and Lasting Love
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December 29th, 2012 at 10:10 pm
Dr. Erica,
I go to Unity Church and was taught this at a class that they had. I did it and must say it is very powerful. Forgiving is very powerful. Hate and Anger just hurts the person feeling it and thinking it.
Great technique and great article and great reference to Yorinda.
Have a great 2013!!!
~ Jupiter Jim
p.s. please delete the following after reading: Dr. Erica, you do NOT need to have two spam checks 1. The Captcha Code and 2. the “Confirm you are not a spammer” checkbox. Bots Can NOT check the box so that’s all you need and everybody HATES those captcha code things. Just sayin’
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
December 30th, 2012 at 1:51 am
Jupiter Jim,
I just upgraded and must have activated 2 anti-spam programs. I also hate those captchas. So hopefully I can delete the annoying program.
Erica
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December 29th, 2012 at 10:12 pm
Hi Dr Erica,
This is an intriguing post. I would like to think I say those things as soon as I have done something wrong. I am quite an emotional person and I can’t function knowing that someone id hurt by my actions.
When I was a teenager if I had had an argument with my mum, I would not really understand why should would be unable to go about her day because of what had gone on.
Now that I am an adult I totally understand and I feel the same way. Funny how things change and because I am aware of this I am dedicated to showing my children how not to behave and act and to understand the feelings of others much more so.
Thanks for sharing, sorry I got a bit deep there lol…sometimes I just type.
Thanks for a great post,
Beth
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
December 30th, 2012 at 1:46 am
Beth,
I love what you wrote. You shared openly and honestly. That’s what I most enjoy about blogging – reading other people’s real responses.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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