Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 19 – TOGETHERNESS
TOGETHERNESS, spending quality time together, with a friend, a business associate, a family member or an intimate partner can help you to develop so many of the qualities talked about in these blogs. But each of us has our own style of closeness. Some of us want, desire and long for continual physical closeness while others prefer to have more private, alone time. This can become a conflict if each person in the relationship has a different concept of how much TOGETHERNESS is best.
If you both have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION, PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE, inner ARCHITECT, PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER, COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE, CREATIVITY, SENSUALITY, full SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, good COMMUNICATION and you PRACTICE building relationships skills, but one of you requires distance and the other insists on continual TOGETHERNESS, the relationship may require really using those developed skills to get past the inevitable conflict.
Today’s question is: How much TOGETHERNESS do you like, need and require in your personal and business relationships?
- How often do you need to speak with, spend time physically together, and plan activities with another person to feel loved and content?
- Do you feel that you need another person to go with you to restaurants, movies or any other places you desire to go?
- Do you get very attached, expect others to be devoted to you, and do you become angry, jealous and possessive over another person’s activities and friendships?
Ask yourself NOW: Am I willing to adapt to the another person’s need for TOGETHERNESS or distance or can I negotiate cleanly for the amount of TOGETHERNESS that serves us both?
TOGETHERNESS is an essential part of developing an ongoing relationship. Too much separateness, too much distance, often leads to creating connections, emotional ties and even physical contact with someone else.
Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring. Every quality is important, to some degree. It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.
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Warmly,
Dr. Erica
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:20 am
Togetherness to me encompasses not only the good times, but the hard ones too.
In my relationship, I found that when faced with a sick parent, a problem with one of our kids, or just facing life’s curve balls, my husband and I bond closer.
We may have a difference of opinion, but can talk things through. We respect each others opinions. And most importantly reach a compromise.
Sometimes we feel dysfunctional because we do everything together!
Donna
Donna Merrill recently posted..The Voice Of Freedom – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
January 23rd, 2013 at 11:08 pm
January 23rd, 2013 at 11:08 pm
Donna,
The problem with doing everything together is that you can become so dependent that you are lost if the other person is not there. But most people create problems by demanding their own way, not communicating often and cleanly, and not accepting and appreciating each other. Seems that the two of you have a wonderful relationship. So, as they say: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 19 – TOGETHERNESS
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January 23rd, 2013 at 9:32 am
What a great question to ask others Dr. Erica. Honestly I realize that I require different things for different relationships. From my partner I need some private alone time each day. He is not always understanding of that nor does he require the same thing. For my business partner ships and friendships I do not require that kind of one on one alone time. I just need to be able to connect with them every once in awhile and catch up. Interesting when I think about it. Thanks for making me think this morning.
Gen recently posted..How Long Does It Take To Find Your Purpose? About 5 Minutes.
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
January 23rd, 2013 at 11:56 pm
Gen,
You are so right. Each relationship has its own rhythm and its own requirements. Of course with friends and business associates that you are not living with and not seeing every day, your needs may appear to be different. But if you were pushed into a situation where you had to be with them every day, you might find the same need for alone time surfaces.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 19 – TOGETHERNESS
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January 23rd, 2013 at 5:53 pm
Hi Erica
We all need contact in our lives whether that is a physical contact or just conversation. Because I work with my husband, having conversations and planning together is important but we also make time to discuss the ordinary everyday things that couples talk about.
When you feel comfortable with someone, you can spend time apart and know that the feelings you have for each other are still there.
Kerris
Kerris Torkington recently posted..Motivated by a Tortured Mind – a Book Review
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
January 23rd, 2013 at 11:59 pm
Kerris,
It is interesting to me how many of my online friends work together with their spouses. In some ways that is so much easier because you are both on the same page about tasks and what you are trying to accomplish. However, you can have different approaches and conflicts if your communication is not clear and frequent. Everyone can tolerate a different amount of space. What you are talking about is a strong sense of trust, knowing your partner cares about you even when you are not together.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 19 – TOGETHERNESS
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January 23rd, 2013 at 11:46 pm
Thanks,
That is good to hear. I know we are not co-dependent, But I try to keep up with his end of the work load, and he tries to understand mine. I feel normal now!
Donna
Donna Merrill recently posted..Things Go Wrong
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
January 23rd, 2013 at 11:53 pm
Donna,
Just realize, the way society is nowadays, you are not normal – because a high percentage (it was more than 50%) of marriages still end in divorce. Also, a large percentage of those couples who stay together are not happy or lead secret lives to maintain their self-esteem and passion. But “normal” is not necessarily the best way to be – and often not the happiest.
Warmly,
Erica
Dr. Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 19 – TOGETHERNESS
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January 26th, 2013 at 3:38 pm
I like your article Dr Erica.
Ask yourself NOW: Am I willing to adapt to the another person’s need for TOGETHERNESS or distance or can I negotiate cleanly for the amount of TOGETHERNESS that serves us both?
Yes I alwais adapt myself to the person i am having some relationship. I am a gemini so is very easy.
Jose Palomino recently posted..How do I make money?
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
January 27th, 2013 at 2:01 pm
Jose,
While it is important to adapt to another person’s style, it is also essential to know your own needs and your own limits. Ideally, it is a dance and a balance between two caring individuals.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 23 – RECEPTIVITY
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