Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 20 – AUTONOMY
AUTONOMY is a quality not much talked about in relationships. The focus is often about self-awareness, communication, empathy, shared activity and developing a “we” mentality. Daniel Pink, in his ground breaking book Drive which focuses on motivation in business, reveals that an important quality needed is a sense of autonomy. Most of us cannot follow someone else’s agenda – a boss, a parent, a friend or a spouse – without eventually losing desire, passion and motivation.
If you have an INCENTIVE, INTENTION, PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE, inner ARCHITECT, PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER, COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE, CREATIVITY, SENSUALITY, full SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, good COMMUNICATION, you PRACTICE building relationships skills and you live with constant TOGETHERNESS, your relationship may start to lose its magic and good feelings if each of you cannot maintain your own sense of AUTONOMY.
Today’s question is: Are you able to maintain your own sense of AUTONOMY in your job, your career, your friendships, your family and your most intimate relationship?
- Are you able to operate independently at your job, in your career and in your most intimate relationship?
- How self-sufficient would you be if you could not rely upon your boss, your colleagues, your friends, your family or your intimate partner?
- Do you allow someone else to set the standards, provide the requirements or deadlines, and decide what they believe is best for you?
Ask yourself NOW: Am I able to express my own AUTONOMY in the most important relationships and activities in my life?
AUTONOMY involves self-regulation, self-discipline, self-government and the ability to act independently even within a close relationship. Many people can feel and express their sense of AUTONOMY when they are single or solo preneurs, when they know they have to handle everythng on their own. However, when they become an employee or a boss, cohabiting or married, or get involved with someone who promises to take care of them, they may gradually get lost in the relationship, giving away their sense of power and self-control.as they start to rely upon others and start needing the approval and assistance of others to feel okay and to succeed. The key to long term happiness and relationship success is a healthy balance between TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY.
Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring. Every quality is important, to some degree. It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.
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Warmly,
Dr. Erica













January 24th, 2013 at 5:05 pm
Hi Dr.Erica,
thank you for shining a light on this important, but, as you say, not much talked about aspect of relationships.
Having grown up a ‘loner’ with isolated from people, I am used to being independent and this caused frictions in my relationships.
Finding a way of being interdependent with togetherness and autonomy is where it is at.
Thanks again for raising awareness about this!
Love and Light
Yorinda
Yorinda recently posted..Imagine if we would choose to Believe
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
January 24th, 2013 at 6:44 pm
Yorinda,
I also tend to be more of a loner and independent. You are right – a balance between that independence and allowing others to feel needed and valued is the key to relationship success.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 20 – AUTONOMY
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January 27th, 2013 at 4:25 am
When our oldest child was a baby, I used to take her everywhere I went… even into the store with me if my husband stayed in the car. He told me it looked as if I were insecure without my baby in tow. I don’t know if he was right about that, but he has always been so good about encouraging me to follow my own interests and pursuits. We are truly “we”, but at the same time two autonomous individuals. And I like that!
Willena
Willena Flewelling recently posted..Make a Decision and Act on it
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