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AUTONOMY is a quality not much talked about in relationships.  The focus is often about self-awareness, communication, empathy, shared activity and developing a “we” mentality.  Daniel Pink, in his ground breaking book Drive which focuses on motivation in business, reveals that an important quality needed is a sense of autonomy.  Most of us cannot follow someone else’s agenda  – a boss, a parent, a friend or a spouse – without eventually losing desire, passion and motivation.

If you have an INCENTIVE, INTENTION,  PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE,  inner ARCHITECT,  PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER,  COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE,  CREATIVITY,  SENSUALITY, full SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION,  good COMMUNICATION, you PRACTICE building relationships skills and you live with constant TOGETHERNESS, your relationship may start to lose its magic and good feelings if each of you cannot maintain your own sense of AUTONOMY.

Today’s question is:  Are you able to maintain your own sense of AUTONOMY in your job, your career, your friendships, your family and your most intimate relationship?

• Are you able to operate independently at your job, in your career and in your most intimate relationship?
• How self-sufficient would you be if you could not rely upon your boss, your colleagues, your friends, your family or your intimate partner?
• Do you allow someone else to set the standards, provide the requirements or deadlines, and decide what they believe is best for you?

Ask yourself NOW: Am I able to express my own AUTONOMY in the most important relationships and activities in my life?

AUTONOMY involves self-regulation, self-discipline, self-government and the ability to act independently even within a close relationship.  Many people can feel and express their sense of AUTONOMY when they are single or solo preneurs, when they know they have to handle everythng on their own.  However, when they become an employee or a boss, cohabiting or married, or get involved with someone who promises to take care of them, they may gradually get lost in the relationship, giving away their sense of power and self-control.as they start to rely upon others and start needing the approval and assistance of others to feel okay and to succeed. The key to long term happiness and relationship success is a healthy balance between TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY.

Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring.  Every quality is important, to some degree.  It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.

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Love in the Blizzard of Life. A Romantic Love Story stepping into the blizzard of life.  Available at Amazon.com

Warmly,

Dr. Erica