Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 21 – SENSITIVITY
SENSITIVITY is a quality that many people prefer to hide, wanting to appear strong, indifferent and independent. However, it is precisely when we reveal our SENSITIVITY that the other person’s tender feelings are aroused. When we reveal our sensitivity, other people tend to feel empowered and important. Then they are more likely to want to reach out to nurture, and soothe, and please us.
You may now have INCENTIVE, INTENTION, PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE, inner ARCHITECT, PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER, COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE, CREATIVITY, SENSUALITY, full SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, good COMMUNICATION, PRACTICE building relationships skills, a healthy balance between TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY. However, if your SENSITIVITY is suppressed, hidden, denied or lacking due to too much self interest, all the other qualities will soon have less significance.
Today’s question is: Do you consistently express your SENSITIVITY when your business associates, friends, family or loved ones express their needs, desires or intentions – and – those are different from your own expectations and needs?
- Are you able to disagree or even feel emotionally wounded and at the same time empathize with the emotions of another?
- How often are you thoughtful about what another person may want, need or intend even when that person has difficulty expressing it or asking for it?
- Do you show sympathy, compassion, kindliness and warmth toward those you say you care about?
Ask yourself NOW: How consistently and openly do I express my SENSITIVITY so that other people around me feel emotionally safe, acknowledged, understood and appreciated?
SENSITIVITY is often viewed as insecurity, weakness and emotional instability. When I was young, on several occasions when I would rightfully express my concern about someone else’s hurtful words or actions, they would respond by telling me “You’re too sensitive.” Has anyone ever told YOU that you are too sensitive? What they really mean is that you are sensitive and they don’t want to be bothered with attempting to understand your feelings and make changes in their own behaviors.
SENSITIVITY for the plight and struggles of others is important. But even more essential is to develop SENSITIVITY to your own emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual needs and longings.
Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring. Every quality is important, to some degree. It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.
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Warmly,
Dr. Erica
January 25th, 2013 at 3:21 am
Good question Erica!
I’m thinking a while on this and know that I’m sensitive to people and care. What I think I may come across to other people is that I have a hard shell, but sensitive inside.
I wonder if people see me that way? Maybe it’s that living most of my life in NYC and coming off a bit hard, but I know inside I’m quite sensitive.
I have to continue thinking about this one…off to my journal!
Donna
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
January 25th, 2013 at 9:35 pm
Donna,
Being married as long as you have been – and enjoying your time together – reveals that you must be sensitive and caring. If you don’t immediately show it out in the world that may be a good thing. Many people have not done their own inner work and don’t want to face themselves so they blame, put down and take advantage of others to make themselves feel important. Self care is not the same as being insensitive.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 21 – SENSITIVITY
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January 25th, 2013 at 6:10 am
Hi Erica, I remember my Grandma having a talk to me when I was in my early 20s. She said “you know Julieanne, you are very sensitive, and you want to try and overcome that, otherwise, you’ll get hurt easily. You want to stop worrying about what other people think.”
My grandma knew me better than anyone, so yes, I am sensitive. But, you mean sensitive towards the way other people are feeling, don’t you? And, you’re wanting to know if we express our sensitivity? I probably don’t, I try to hide it.
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
January 25th, 2013 at 9:32 pm
Julieanne,
When you are sensitive, people may tell you not to be so sensitive because you will be hurt. But they neglect to tell you that you will also feel incredible joy and pleasure. And when you are sensitive you are gift to others. Sometimes it is good to not reveal just how sensitive you are because there are people who see that as weakness and may exploit you as a result. But being sensitive toward the needs of others is a good thing – and we need more of it in the world.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 21 – SENSITIVITY
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January 27th, 2013 at 4:55 am
I am working on showing my emotions more often. But I am so thankfull that actions and body language express so much if we are really watching the other person. My husband and I have been married for almost 31 years, and I have never seen him cry. Not even when his father died in 2004 (first close loved one to die) or his mother in 2007. Not even when our son died in 2009. But I know how much he cares, and how much the loss has affected him. And every once in a while our kids will say or do something that tells me they feel loved by us. Sensitivity is so important, and I will keep working on showing it more often.
Willena
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
January 27th, 2013 at 2:40 pm
Willena,
How much we reveal our sensitivity has a lot to do with the culture we were raised in. Canadians, I believe, are often taught to be tough – the weather is cold, the challenges may be strong – and men are often taught to not show sensitive emotions or even sensitive actions. Instead of pushing another person to change, to undue a lifetime of conditioning, it behooves us to be sensitive to the needs and style of the other person – and to our own needs.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 23 – RECEPTIVITY
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February 12th, 2013 at 9:25 pm
Hi Dr. Erica,
like you I have been called too sensitive in my childhood and also in my adult life.
Brene Brown has made me more aware of the strength in being vulnerable through and I am in the process of being more and more accepting of my own sensitivity.
Thank you so much for your insightful post!
Love and Light
Yorinda
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
February 13th, 2013 at 12:39 am
Yorinda,
Our society seems to have things backward. We favor “rational logic” which so often misses the whole point, all the nuances and flavors of the moment. But sensitivity is what helps us to grow and flourish and become all we can be in life.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 30 – FLOW
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