Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 7 – PATIENCE
Relationships do not immediately reach a deep level of understanding, comfort and safety to be yourself. Even if it appears that way at first, the closeness is merely an illusion. Over time, as you express your needs and wants and listen to the other person’s requests and demands, gradually you can reach a mutual understanding, a sense that you can let down and be yourself.
You may have a solid INCENTIVE, a real good INTENTION, PRESENT MOMENT awareness, a powerful DRIVE, the skill to be a relationship ARCHITECT and you may have finally been willing to SURRENDER to love.
Today’s question is: Do you have the PATIENCE that it takes to allow love to grow? Are you willing to study about relationships, learn what the other person wants and needs, discover and express your own needs, and allow the relationship to naturally evolve?
PATIENCE requires time. allowing whatever time is needed instead of attempting to rush the process of building a relationship. If your goal is to improve the health of your body, it may take quite a while before you are finally eating healthy food, exercising regularly, getting adequate rest and sleep and maintianing a positive outlook. If your goal is to build a successful business, you need to take steps and give the process time to unfold. And if your goal is to improve your relationships, it is essential to realize that time can be a great friend.
- Do you have the fortitude to persevere when your relationship struggles seem insurmountable?
- Can you tolerate and endure circumstances and interactions that are unloving and even hostile on the way to building a relationship?
- Do you have the unflappable, unswerving stamina to persist until the end, to not give up and not give in to impatience?
PATIENCE is a virtue and those who have it can achieve great things in all areas of their life. However, it is important to apply all those other qualities. It is not only YOUR drive and incentive and being in the present moment but also the other person’s drive and willingness and patience that will ultimately allow your relationship to thrive.
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Warmly,
Dr. Erica
January 11th, 2013 at 6:44 pm
Dr. Erica,
Finally the “Patience” coem alive… thanks for writing this serie… it is very revealing and interesting to read al what you have to say and what you learn along the line of work you do and put the experience into great use for all of us to be better human beings.
Patience is essentila and as you stated in the first paragraph… unless anyone have patience to overcome what is there to overcome and learn about each others… there is no way a great relationship can be achieved.
I have a different experience that I like to share here with you and hope you do not mind… Patience is very, very important to have and to understand .. but I found out something else that patience could not conquer, not yet anyway.
What I am talking about is that when two people get to know each otehrs and they go through all what you suggested… including having lots of patience… I discovered that having lots of patience lead to devastation since it can go for ever with people who take advance of teh so called “Patience” and once the otehr person cannot take it any more.. things can get really bad.
Hope this helps in some ways.
Thanks again.
nickc
nick catricala recently posted..Lost Direction
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
January 11th, 2013 at 9:51 pm
Nick,
You have really pointed out something important, that patience can wear thin. You can have so much patience that you are tolerating qualities and treatment that bring you down, deplete your energy and cause undue emotional strain and pain. However, if you have first developed all the previous qualities in your relationship including your intention and being in the present moment and being the architect of your relationship, then you will not just have blind patience. You will actively be striving to improve your relationship and create what you want. You will also then be able to know when you are not being met halfway and it may be time to sever the ties.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 8 – COMMITMENT
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
January 11th, 2013 at 9:57 pm
Nick,
After responding to your really important comment, I have added a caveat to my post. Patience alone will not help a relationship to thrive. Both people need to have at least some of the other qualities mentioned.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 8 – COMMITMENT
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nick catricala Reply:
January 12th, 2013 at 9:39 am
Dr. Erica, thanks for sharing …. I am glad you read teh comment and you found it important… and thanks for adding the last part ” You will also then be able to know when you are not being met halfway and it may be time to sever the ties.” I wanted to add all this in myway of saying things, but it was your blog so I left it out… You are very open to accept and share… so you did not miss it and I am very glad you added because it is very, very importnat.. and the only person who know how important it is… is the person who exausted the patience… not once but many, many a times… (me:-) and by adding “Patience alone will not help a relationship to thrive. Both people need to have at least some of the other qualities mentioned.” complete it in some ways… I am certain that if we chat in person about this, much more will come out alive and perhaps we can write a book about it.. but I am certain this is more then enough for this purpose and so we let it go as it is.
Many thanks for being YOU and for supporting otehrs along the hard pathway of life… hope you receive benefits as well…
All the best.
nickc
nick catricala recently posted..Lost Direction
January 15th, 2013 at 3:16 pm
Hi Dr. Erica,
you are providing a great exploration on what is needed for a relationship to not only survive but also thrive.
Being patient with others requires being patient with ourselves, even when we realize that we are impatient with ourselves and others.
I am so glad that you also said that both people have to have the qualities.
Maybe when we develop more of the qualities in ourselves we see them in others?
Thank you for your insights.
Love and Light
Yorinda
Yorinda recently posted..Imagine if we would choose to Believe
[Reply]
Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
January 15th, 2013 at 6:42 pm
Yorinda,
It is not so much that we start seeing those qualities in another person but more likely that we make it easier for the other person to exhibit those qualities. We become an example that they can emulate and learn from. A tense person can calm down around someone calming and an impatient person can become more patient. We really do affect and influence each other.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 11 – PASSION
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January 17th, 2013 at 1:18 am
Secret 7: Have an exit strategy. We all go into relationships hoping we’ll find what we’re looking for-mostly happiness. Sometimes we inadvertently cause our relationship or marriage to end. My advice to you is simple in this regard. Have an exit strategy in advance: a way to exit with dignity and grace. The experts suggest that each of you should have your own financial identity. Then, if your companion or spouse decides to leave, you are financially prepared to support yourself.
Robt G. Collier recently posted..No last blog posts to return.
[Reply]
Dr. Goodstone Reply:
January 17th, 2013 at 11:30 pm
Robert,
I would not like to describe it as an exit strategy but rather it is important for each person to be somewhat autonomous, to have their own income, to be able to survive on their own. However, if you have an exit strategy firmly in place it can be too easy to just flee whan the going gets tough – which it often does. Many relationships have been on the brink of destruction and because one or both did NOT have an exit strategy they were forced to face the issues, hang in there, and create something better over time.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Goodstone recently posted..Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 13 – CREATIVITY
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