Love Yourself Now
Love Yourself Now
Truth is, many of us, perhaps most of us, do not show as much kindness, consideration, attention and love for our own self as we do for other people, for our pets, and even for objects. We often deny our true feelings in the effort to please someone else or to take care of something. And then we hold on to resentments, sometimes indefinitely.
This past Saturday evening, I was an invited guest on a local radio show, Renew Your Life with Dr. Lisa Palmer, which airs on Saturdays at 6 PM ET, 1470 AM South Florida . On the show, we were discussing love and what it takes to feel loved and to freely give love. We realized that many of us have not developed or acknowledged our own philosophy of love. Many of us have been following the dictates and directions of others (parents, siblings, media…).
What happens then when we get into relationships? We often begin with a great deal of outward display of love which gradually dissipates as the other person becomes more real to us, and our judgements of “the way it should be” take over. And when the other person does not respond as we expect or want, we have our own unique knee jerk reactions that can dampen and even destroy love.
Here is a good question to ask yourself, in any situation (taken from the book Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsh), ”What would love do now?” And you’re probably thinking, “If I was more loving, what would I do for this other person.” But actually, the question is asking “What would love do now – FOR YOURSELF!” In any given moment, in any circumstance, how would you behave, what would you think and feel, and how would you respond – IF YOU LOVED YOURSELF AND KNEW YOU WERE LOVED?
Think of how easy it would be to deflect negative comments and to stand strong in the face of setbacks, criticism and loss. Keep these words in mind as you go through the next few days, “What would love do now — for myself” or reword it slightly by asking, “How would I respond … if I knew I was loved?”
Dr. Erica
Author of : Love Me, Touch Me, Heal Me: The Path to Physical, Emotional, Sexual and Spiritual Reawakening
August 9th, 2010 at 7:19 pm
Erica,
Loving oneself has to happen before you can truly love someone else. Knowing yourself and accepting who you are opens the door to sharing with others.
I love reading Conversations With God. Very thought provoking. Thanks,
Val
Val Wilcox recently posted..The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living
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August 9th, 2010 at 7:22 pm
Val, That is so true. When we love our self, we also forgive our self for our weaknesses, flaws and inadequacies – which also allows us to forgive others and to give them the leeway to be more fully themselves in our presence.
Warmly, Erica
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August 9th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Hi Erica,
thank you for your food for thought post.
Loving ourselves first is the foundation to a relationship.
To keep focused on the positive aspects of ourselves and the other person after the initial falling in love can be a challenge.
Love the question!
Love and Joy
from
Yorinda
Yorinda recently posted..Active Listening
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Yorinda,
You are so right. We need to keep focusing on the positive aspect, so easy to neglect when we start being annoyed by little things, upset by differences and what seems unfair and unloving, and when the stresses of life pile up. Imagine if we could just keep loving, and keep loving.
Warmly,
Erica
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August 9th, 2010 at 9:28 pm
Hi Erica,
It always puzzles me why it is so difficult for us to love ourselves and how poorly we treat ourselves at times — we would never think of treating others the way that we treat ourselves. So I totally agree with you, that our key to loving others lies in loving ourselves.
Debbie Stevens recently posted..Every Setback is Temporary
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August 9th, 2010 at 9:52 pm
And one way to show that love to our self is to say encouraging, soothing and loving words to ourself and to focus on thinking loving thoughts toward our self.
Warmly,
Erica
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August 10th, 2010 at 2:40 am
thanks you for this gentle and important reminder dr. erica. i have heard that only when we truly love ourselves FIRST, will others then love us for who we are.
part of my daily affirmation is “I am magnificent! I am pure, positive love!” immediately, i feel great.
thanks dr. erica, you rock!
Melissa McCloud recently posted..MLM And “The Bachelorette”
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:51 am
What a great daily affirmation. When we remember to love our self, we are much less likely to get upset by small stuff or to become defensive. And when we feel good about our own self, that allows others to see the good in us. It really works.
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August 10th, 2010 at 7:57 am
Hi Erica,
Another very thought provoking post. I’ve seen the destructiveness brought about by loved ones that have not held themselves in high regard and it’s very upsetting for all involved. How does someone believe that anyone else can love them when they can’t or won’t love themselves?
So I learned that lesson, and whilst I try to learn and improve everyday, I’m grateful for who and what I am. When comfortable in one’s own skin, it really does make life a whole lot easier.
Thanks again.
Regards,
Andrew
Andrew Sayers recently posted..Rolling with the punches pt 2
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Andrew, You have explained it so clearly, “When comfortable in one’s own skin, it really does make life a whole lot easier.” When you are clear about your likes, dislikes, goals, desires and needs, it makes it so much easier for those around you to either comply or back away. The grey area gets eliminated.
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August 10th, 2010 at 1:09 pm
Erica, I in these sunset years see in me a wonderful love that astounds me. I marvel at the complex body I have and look my Creator with thank and gratitude. As my Mentor Les Brown remind me “we all are born Unique but most of us will die copies.” GOD doesn’t make any JUNK. This post is valuable to us and the many who need to understand that they are special and loved. Thanks for this wonderful reminder.
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August 10th, 2010 at 1:49 pm
Nelson, I love listening to Les Brown – what an incredible mentor you chose. And what a great statement “we all are born Unique but most of us will die copies.” My version of your next statement is “God don’t make No Mistakes.” Thanks for your warm comments.
Erica
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August 10th, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Being the mom of seven kids I’ve learned that IF I didn’t put myself first ( I remember those early morning hours) my whole day wouldn’t just fall apart. Loving yourself (myself) is the first step to success and happiness in life!
Thanks for sharing Dr. Erica!
Debby Beachy
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Debby, You have brought up another very important area – loving yourself first, even with your own children. Just as they say in an airplane to “put your own oxygen mask on first before you help someone else,” if you do not take care of yourself first, then how can you possibly be there for anyone else. Thanks for sharing.
Erica
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August 10th, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Erica – You really made me stop and think on this one:) hmmm – I struggle with this still even at my age. I have spent so many years worrying about what other people think of me and “doing what is expected” of me – I don’t take time and reflect on myself. Thank you for the wonderful insight.
Glyna Humm recently posted..Negativity – What Is It Good For
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 4:46 am
Glyna,
Now is the time to focus on yourself. NOW is the time. It’s amazing how everyone around you seems to care more when you show how much you care for and love yourself. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.
Warmly with a big hug,
Erica
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August 11th, 2010 at 1:03 am
Erica,
Your message can never be overstated. As a perfectionist, it has been an ongoing battle to love and accept myself, warts and all. I’m going to take your question, “What would love do now” and carry it with me. Thanks for the beautiful reminder:)
Darlene Davis recently posted..Branding You- Inc
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August 11th, 2010 at 4:48 am
Darlene, We all need that reminder so often. It is so easy to berate ourselves when we don’t live up to our own stringent expectations. I am certainly prone to that and I am now careful to say loving and comforting words to myself, especially when in difficult situations.
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August 14th, 2010 at 3:55 am
Erica,
Great post on love, thanks so much. Of course, it’s another one of those “simple but not easy” solutions. It’s definitely part of my practice, though a challenging one, to ask “what would love do/say/think/feel?” Toughest in L.A. traffic, must be honest.
Adam
Dr. Adam Sheck recently posted..Relationship Recipe
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 14th, 2010 at 7:50 pm
Adam, Remember, the question is: What would love do for YOU? In that case, in traffic where you are getting frustrated, maybe the most loving thing for yourself is to vent your anger – at least inside your car with the windows closed. A new way to view that.
Erica
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August 14th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
If I knew I was loved, that power of knowing, would stand behind me and I would stand tall. If I knew I loved myself with that same confidence… boy I would probably feel I could conquer the world.Love is powerful. Love you Erica..
Lesly recently posted..Water Smarts
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 14th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
Love certainly is powerful – and so is fear and anxiety and supression. I guess the choice is which one to savor and to expand upon. What we focus on and pay attention to increases and expands. Love you.
Erica
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August 14th, 2010 at 6:27 pm
Thanks Erica. It all starts with us and how we feel about ourselves. It’s interesting you noted Conversations with God. These books are my favorites and they turned my life around. For the first time I developed and understanding of something I’ve always felt deep inside me.
Thanks again,
Michael
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 14th, 2010 at 7:53 pm
Once you are aware of that feeling deep inside and you follow your own inner guidance, you can become a true force to be reckoned with in the outside world – which you abviously have become.
Thanks Michael
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August 14th, 2010 at 6:59 pm
Thanks Dr. Erica,
Loving myself was something I had to learn many years ago..I was reading the book, “I’m Okay, You Okay”…it helped alot. Sometimes we have baggage that we don’t even realize we have.
I am very happy today.
I just hope one of my grandsons will reach the time that he loves himself.
rebecca
Rebecca Russell recently posted..WHERE TRADTION MEETS INOVATIONpart one
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 15th, 2010 at 4:15 am
Rebecca, All you can do is be there for your grandson and show him all the love you can. But we don’t have control over anyone else’s consciousness. Be happy that you have developed self-love.
Erica
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August 22nd, 2010 at 8:11 pm
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August 24th, 2010 at 2:59 am
Erica,
Wow!! This is such a cool focus to have in our lives. We agree, we cannot love if we do not love ourselves.
We saw a quote once that said “Love starts on the inside”. How true.
Thanks,
~ Pat and Lorna
http://TheCoolestCouple.com
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 24th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
Thanks for commenting. So simple but so important.
Erica
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May 12th, 2011 at 8:42 am
Hi Erica,
just read your article the second time and enjoyed it maybe even more than the first time.
I love that question: ” what would love do . . . for myself?”
I learned from the Abraham-Hicks teachings that “nothing is more important than feeling good”
When we take care of that first then everything we give to others is given freely.
Thanks again!
Love and Joy
Yorinda
Yorinda recently posted..How to Install Love
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Dr. Erica Goodstone Reply:
May 13th, 2011 at 4:35 am
Yorinda,
So true. Once we love and accept and truly understand our own self, we have so much more to give to others and others are more naturally attracted to us. We no longer “need” so much from others.
Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..It’s Time ALL Women Heat About Pelvic Organ Prolapse by Guest Blogger Sherrie J Palm
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