Gratitudes for 2013 and Manifesting Intentions for 2014

Read to the bottom of this blog post for a list of questions to ask yourself about your accomplishments, successes and gratitudes for 2013 and your manifesting intentions for 2014.

Are you dreaming big enough?

Relationship Healing Mastermind2013 was not a year of huge accomplishments.  In 2012 I had written hundreds of articles, a novel and had received some special accolades for my accomplishments.  But in 2013, my work was more behind the scenes.  I attended Number One Book System and Author 101 University Events and I spoke at You Can Succeed and Superstar Summit on the same stage as Les Brown. At these and many other events I connected with accomplished and aspiring authors, editors, publishers, publicists, speakers, best-selling authors, marketers and celebrities.  It was a year for hunkering down and learning the ropes of the way the world works and the miracle of proper marketing.  And this is the year that I created my new web site, DrEricaGoodstone.com as a central hub to showcase and promote my speaking events, books and seminars. Continue reading

5 Health Reasons for Touching and Cuddling Your Partner

Touching You, Touching Me

Touching You, Touching Me (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Touch is healing.  Touch reminds us to pay attention to our body.  When partners or parents and children touch and cuddle in a loving and caring way, each one feels more relaxed, secure and content in the moment.  And that warm, cuddly feeling carries over into all other aspects of life.  Research also shows that cuddling is good for our health.  Read this article and reach out to touch those you love and care about. Continue reading

How to Talk to Your Children When You Get Divorced – Guest Post

My web site and my life’s work are all about creating, healing and sustaining love for the rest of your life – and even beyond.  But there is an unfortunate fact that must be faced.  Some relationships are not meant to last.  Perhaps there was a purpose for the initial connection.  Maybe the attraction was intense and the romance was strong.  And then life events, experiences, other people, new attitudes and behaviors – something – interfered with the initial love feelings.  Sometimes two people, even those with the most honorable values and loving hearts eventually decide to split up.  If married, they may choose to divorce.  This brings a host of emotional ups and downs for the partners whose relationship is ending.  But for their children, innocent victims of the parents’ life choices, being caught in the middle of divorcing parents can be devastating and result in lifelong issues.

For this reason, I have chosen to post a guest blog about this important topic.

 

How to Talk to Your Children When You Get Divorced

“Getting through a divorce can be challenging, but it becomes even more strenuous when there are children involved. Although parents deal with plenty of emotional and mental turmoil in most cases, children often need additional comfort and guidance to properly deal with the emotions they are feeling. Knowing how to talk to your children when you get a divorce can help with coping, releasing emotions and getting to know how your kids truly feel about the situation.

Assess the Circumstances

If you talk to your children, you can help the...

If you talk to your children, you can help them to keep their lives together. If you talk to them skillfully, you can help them to build future dreams (Photo credit: symphony of love)

Before you can begin talking to your children about the divorce you are facing, it is absolutely necessary to assess the circumstances and the current family dynamic within the home. Whether you are amicably splitting from your spouse or if there has been physical and verbal abuse leading to the separation, it is important to note these circumstances before you sit down to speak to your children individually. Consider your children and their ages as well as their relationships with both you and your current spouse. Understanding the dynamic of all relationships within the home will help you create a plan that is right for your entire family.

Be Sure to Include Your Former Spouse

Although it may be challenging or nearly impossible, it is vital to include your spouse with your children and with the future planning for your current family. It is essential to have both parents available for support during the process, as it can often drag on for months or longer depending on when you have chosen to get divorced and the age of your children.

Talking openly and honestly with your spouse is key to coming up with talking points and to determine the best course of action when it comes time to tell the children. Consider everything you want to say to your children, and be sure to talk it over with your spouse before you begin speaking one on one or holding a family meeting.

Consider Your Children and Their Personalities

It is also important to consider each one of your children’s personalities individually. Each child in a family household is likely to react to the divorce differently, some acting out and others acting as if they are relieved to see the turmoil end. It is important to take note of how your children behaved during arguments and other issues you and your spouse may have experienced with one another in the past and/or in front of the children.

Talk One on One

Talking one on one with each of your children is highly recommended to avoid bombarding all of them at once with the information and news about the divorce. Speaking with your oldest child can help to ensure you are giving him a more mature, nuanced approach.

Be sure to inform each one of your children that the divorce is not a reflection of them or any behavior they may have exhibited. It is also important to reassure each one of your children one on one that you and your spouse still love them, and that this does not change the relationship they have with each of you.

Have a Family Sit-Down

Have a family sit-down with all of your children and your spouse. Hosting a family meeting can help clear the air and show your children the family unit as a whole is still available for the support they will need going forward. You and your spouse should know what you want to say and how you want to announce the divorce. Discuss ahead of time who will speak first and how the issue will be brought up to the kids.

Sitting down with the entire family is also a way for you to get your children more involved in the conversation rather than having them shut down emotionally. Some children may respond with apathy, others with rage or sadness. Preparing yourself for how your children may react can help you come up with various methods of diffusing the situation based on each one of your children’s personalities.

Although divorces are extremely emotionally painful, it is possible to navigate the minefield. The more openly you communicate with your children and how the divorce is affecting them during all stages of the process, the more likely you are to effectively help them cope during this traumatic time.”

Are you ready for that conversation?

Here’s to living your life in love and creating peaceful, wonderful relationships.

Warmly,

9f82

 

 

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The Top Ten Reasons Parents Get Divorced – Guest Post

Marriage can be the most wonderful life experience.  
Two people aligned with similar goals and dreams 
committed to spending a lifetime together. For some 
lucky couples, life together works better than either 
of their lives alone.  And then there are the majority 
of people who suffer in the state of marriage.  At 
least 50% choose to divorce and yet a large percentage 
of those who remain together are not creating marital 
bliss.  

When I received an email with a link to this 
article I thought this could be helpful and provide 
some insight for my readers who want to stay and 
build a beautiful, loving marriage.  Find out why 
people tend to divorce - and then do what it takes 
to prevent that from happening, if you can, and -
if staying married is more important to you than 
leaving.

The Top Ten Reasons Parents Get Divorced

Guest Post from Nanny.net


“Very few people get married with the intention of getting divorced. The U.S. Census Bureau and research think tanks such as the Barna Group have revealed some sobering statistics and findings on the subject, though. Overall, the divorce rate is almost at 50%. The news on the divorce front is not exactly good, but better news is that where children are involved the rate of divorce is 40% lower than those couples without children. Still the statistics can’t reflect the devastation that takes place for children of divorce.  parentsdivorce

There are several factors that affect the divorce rates. For example, the rates are considerably higher for young, low income families than they are older, college educated, middle class couples. Those who marry and have children right out of high school are at greater risk of divorce than couples who finish college, have decent wage jobs and wait until their mid to late twenties or older to wed. Professionals like Dr. William Doherty of the University of Minnesota have researched the issue of divorce, and have found interesting results. Time and again, papers citing reasons for divorce show similar causes. Parents give various explanations for ending their commitment to each other, and by default, their commitment to an intact family. Dr. Doherty maintains that, in most cases, the things that are pulling families apart can be dealt with and divorce may be prevented. Here are the most popular reasons for marriages ending in divorce.

  • Communication Issues – Many couples cite communication, or the lack of it, as a big factor in separation More women indicate this as a major influence than men. Parenting practices, money, religion and other important aspects of marriage are the concerns that need to be discussed, but often get ignored to the detriment of the relationship.
  • Incompatibility – This is often rooted in the non-communication issue. People will get married and only after time has passed realize that they don’t have as much in common as they originally believed. Over time, the issues that arise out of this lack of common ground cause the marriage to fail.
  • Financial Difficulty – The struggling economy has put a strain on most relationships, however some couples have additional stressors, such as one spouse being too free with money or keeping a very tight rein on the purse strings. When partners can’t agree on how the money should be handled, problems ensue.
  • Personal Problems – Everyone has personal issues of one sort or another that need to be dealt with for the good of the individual. Serious damage to the relationship can be caused when a spouse’s personal problems begin to spill over and affect the marriage negatively.
  • Lack of Attentiveness – A new baby, illness, work and other dynamics can play into the situation in which one or both partners feel that they’re being largely ignored. Unfortunately, too many couples fail to talk about the conflict or seek help. In each case, there are things that can be done and there is help available to mitigate the problem
  • Growing Apart – When people marry young and certain stressors hit the marriage, one spouse may grow in maturity at a faster rate than the other. Some people get married not realizing that their view of marriage is more akin to playing house than accepting the role of responsible adults. When one spouse comes to that reality before another, problems can often arise.
  • Intimacy Issues – Intimacy problems can have many root causes. A spouse with unresolved issues from the past could have intimacy issues. Illness may be a factor affecting intimacy, or intimacy may be lacking simply because a spouse has a fear of intimacy.
  • Addictions – Living with a spouse who is dealing with an addiction is very difficult, and the problems only escalate when treatment is not pursued. Drugs and alcohol can have devastating effects on family life. Other addictions such as gambling, shopping and pornography are just as capable of ripping a family apart at the seams.
  • Infidelity – Break-ups due to infidelity rank among the most difficult to deal with. When one partner chooses to go outside the marriage for intimacy, the impact strikes right to the core of the relationship. Trust is broken and the damage is often irreparable, with divorce sometimes feeling like the only feasible option.
  • Selfishness – This shows up in a variety of forms. It can take the form of never including the desires of the other person in decision making, or forcing every issue to be about one party while the other is ignored. Marriage is supposed to be a coming together of two people, but when one dominates the relationship to the near exclusion of the other’s thoughts and desires, cracks begin to form in the union.

It’s important to remember that with help, including counseling or therapy, most of the issues that lead to divorce can be overcome and many couples who seek help to preserve the marriage often come through the hard times with a relationship that’s stronger and more fulfilling than ever.”

 

Havine a relationship problem?  Don’t wait.  Contact Me Now.

Here’s to living your life in love.

Warmly,

9f82

 

5 Tips for Having a Successful Interfaith Marriage – Guest Post

religions

My goal and life purpose is to help men and women create loving relationships and heal the relationships they have already created.  One of the major aspects is understanding yourself – your needs, wants and desires.  The second essential aspect is understanding the other person – his or her needs, wants and desires.  This comes to the forefront when two people meet and fall in love with someone who was brought up to believe in, follow and practice a different faith.  Sometimes, one person does not have a very strong sense of bonding and belonging to their own faith and can easily adjust to a partner’s strong beliefs.  Sometimes, two people are trying to convince the other person to abandon lifelong beliefs and convert to remain in the relationship.

This guest post submitted by AupairJobs.com addresses the issue of interfaith marriage and explains simple ways for a couple to cope with differences, keep the loving spirit and thrive together as they build a family.

 

5 Tips for Having a Successful Interfaith Marriage

 

“With the divorce rate in America affecting around half of all marriages, it’s clear that building a successful, long-lasting union isn’t easy. When partners come from two different faiths, the challenges can be even more daunting. With love, respect and a healthy dose of compromise, however, interfaith marriages can be both successful and happy. If you’re in an interfaith marriage or relationship, here are some things to keep in mind:

Let Love Open the Lines of Communication

Interfaith unions are most successful when both spouses remain committed to facing the unique challenges that dual-faith marriages present with honesty and integrity. Although open communication about differences in faith should begin before marriage, it’s never too late to start the conversation. In A Non-Judgmental Guide to Interfaith Marriage, Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben encourages communication by reminding couples that “You won’t stop loving each other if you talk about your religion.” It’s important to remember that love is one human quality that practitioners of every religion value. If you’re nervous about talking to your spouse about faith, that’s OK. Tell him you’re nervous and that you’d like to talk about some serious matters, but you don’t know how or where to start. The more open you are, the better it will go for the both of you.

Learn About Each Other’s Faith

In the book Interfaith Families: Personal Stories of Jewish-Christian Intermarriage, Jane Kaplan stresses the importance about learning about your spouse’s religion as a way to develop mutual respect. Asking each other questions is not only a learning experience, but a way to determine the depth of commitment that each partner has to the faith. Bringing the extended family into the conversation may also be helpful, as long as everyone promises beforehand to treat each other with courtesy and respect. As always, open and honest questions are the best way to go.

Offer Education and Choices for Children

Any discussion about having and raising children should include a conversation about religion, particularly as it pertains to education. Couples need to decide how important it is to them that their children be educated in two religions, one faith, or none. Because the decision can influence the schools and childcare facilities that parents choose for their children, couples need to make clear choices early on in the marriage. Whatever choices you make, it’s critical for the well-being of your children that you and your spouse present a united front. A show of mutual respect is a valuable life lesson that will serve your children well as they grow into adulthood. Answer your child’s questions, encourage him and help him learn how to make his own decisions.

Keep Holiday Traditions

When discussing how involved each spouse wants to be in his or her chosen faith, holiday observances should be included in the conversation. For some people, religious observances are so linked to holidays that celebrating without them is unimaginable. Even people who say that religion isn’t important to them, for example, may still find it difficult to enjoy the holiday season without a Christmas tree or a menorah. Couples may discover that it’s enjoyable to include traditions from both sides of the family. It’s likely that the in-laws will appreciate the inclusion of family traditions as well.

Celebrate Your Differences

Author Naomi Schaefer Riley conducted a national survey of couples in interfaith marriages for her book ‘Til Faith Do Us Part. While findings from the survey did indicate a higher rate of conflict among interfaith couples — which isn’t surprising given the natural struggles such couples face — Riley also found that “marrying someone of another faith tended to improve one’s view of that faith.” A partner in an interfaith marriage herself, Riley encourages couples to take the challenges of a dual-faith partnership seriously, but also to celebrate the fact that they live in a country where they can marry anyone they wish despite their differences in faith.

When it comes to learning to navigate the pitfalls of an interfaith marriage, there are no hard and fast rules. Couples may feel less pressure and enjoy their marriage more by giving themselves permission to try a different approach if the situation warrants it. There’s nothing wrong with changing course midstream if a better solution shows up on the horizon. When it comes to a happy marriage, compromise is much more about finding mutual success than it is about one side admitting defeat.”

Discover how to live your life filled with loving relationships.

Please share your thoughts and feelings in a comment below.

Schedule an appointment to talk.  I would love to hear from you.

Warmly,

9f82

 

 

 

 

 

YOU Make a Difference – Don’t Ever Forget That

Your Actions Don’t Really Matter, Do They?

 

IntegrityMattersDo you sometimes think that your actions don’t matter, that perhaps you are just part of a group and you will hardly be noticed.  Yes, sometimes in a very large group – at a conference or large event – you may be able to slip quietly away and not be noticed.  But if you are involved in a small group – a team, a group of co-workers, a gathering of friends or family – your actions and your behavior DO have an effect.

I have a strong work ethic and a very strong sense of personal responsibility and integrity.  However, I continue to discover that many individuals work hard when they see immediate personal gain but easily slack off after the initial excitement and enthusiasm wears off.  When they are excited about a new project or a new group, they will enthusiastically show up for the first session or two.  And then something inevitably happens.  An invitation, a higher than usual workload, a potential date or business prospect, and the former commitment is no longer considered.  In the moment it seems more beneficial to not honor the original agreement because this other event is now a higher priority.  After all, the reasoning goes, I am not the only person in the group so it won’t matter if I miss this one session.

 

Your Actions Do Matter

 

But it does matter.  It matters to the person organizing the group.  It matters to the other people who brush aside any conflicting responsibilities to keep their commitment to the group meeting.  And it lowers the interest, enthusiasm and connection you feel with that group.  Bonding occurs through consistent, ongoing connection.  Sporadic meetings, on again then off-again, lead to less trust, less interaction and less group cohesiveness.

How do you lead your life, day by day?  Do you want to have a positive impact on the people you know or do you just assume that people will forgive and forget?  Do you truly believe that you can make a commitment and honor it only if it is easy and does not conflict with any other desirable events or outcomes?  The next time you are about to renege on a promise, an agreement or a commitment, stop and take a moment to reflect on the possible ripple effects upon the other people involved.

 

Are You Living A Life of Integrity?  

 

Living a life of integrity is not easy.  It requires strength of character and determination that few people can maintain for very long.  I strongly encourage you to strive to become the person who says what you mean and means what you say, who does what you agree to do and does not do what you have promised not to do.  Greatness is revealed in small, ongoing acts of integrity in the midst of everyday, normal life experiences.

 

Talk to Me I can help you recognize and live the greatness that is YOU.

Tell me what you want and desire and need.  Leave a comment below and share this post if you have found value here.

Here’s to living your life in love

 

Warmly,

9f82

 

 

 

Creating Loving Relationships – What Question Do You Ask?

Creating Love Question

Creating Love Question

Each of us has a unique personality style, based upon many factors. We have a genetic code, a family of origin, a social and economic culture in which we were raised, and our education – to name just a few of the many factors that affect our personality and view of the world. So, if we have had so many different influences upon our thinking process, why is it that we expect our partners and friends to just understand us? Why don’t we realize that their minds are filled with thoughts and memories, emotional triggers and mental images? And – we have no idea what is going on in someone else’s mind at any given moment – unless we ask and find out.

What questions do you ask other people, either directly and out loud or indirectly and in your own mind? Do you tend to ask, and expect to get the answer, about what the other person can do to help you and make your life more comfortable? Of do you often ask what You can do to make the other person’s life easier? Whichever of these questions you ask will have a profound effect upon the outcome of your interactions.

When you ask how you can help another person, you start to pay attention and learn how the other person thinks and feels and behaves. You learn how you can alter your own thoughts and behaviors to accommodate the requests. It is important to not forget yourself but to also reveal your own needs and desires – without demand. That type of caring communication leads to greater and greater communication, understanding and empathy. And, if the other person just cannot reciprocate after you have listened and cared and given your best, then you have a new decision to make based upon greater and greater clarity.

However, if you are like so many of us, asking what you can get and receive from another person or how they can help you to get what you want, then you are missing out on a key piece of building relationships. Each time you ask what another person can do for you, your focus is on YOU – not on the other person. It becomes much more about how YOU think, how YOU feel and how the other person is affecting YOUR behavior. In thinking about you, the learning process is stifled. You have given up an opportunity to learn life lessons from another person’s perspective. You have given up a chance to strengthen your own loving nature.

What you focus on grows and builds. If you focus on yourself and your needs, your needs and desires just continue to grow. When you focus on the needs and desires of others, your own needs take a back seat and your are able to see more clearly. Yes, there are some people who will thrive on your giving and have difficulty reciprocating. But if you have been giving value to all the people in your life, your good will be returned to you, maybe not from this person but from many others.

Which question do you ask most often? Please share in the comments below and if you like, please spread the word to others to start asking the right question.

Heal Through Love NOW. DON’T WAIT.

 

Talk to Me I can help you get where you want to go.
Read a HEALING BOOK
Get the life-changing HEALING THROUGH LOVE or LOVE TOUCH HEAL Seminars. Special discounted pricing won’t last. Get it now before it’s taken down.

Here’s to living your life in love

 

Warmly,

 

Dr. Erica