Relationships – Are You Willing to Give 100%?
Relationships are all about give and take, give and receive, give and expect something in return? Right? WRONG! Believe it or not, even though we call it a relationship, it is more about how much YOU are willing to give. How much are YOU willing to give WITHOUT GUARANTEE OF ANY RETURN?
The relationships I am talking about are not only our most intimate relationships but every relationship we are involved with. For example, your relationship with your boss. Are you willing to do whatever the job calls for and more, without guarantee of recognition, recompense or even acknowledgement? Are you willing to love and acknowledge and appreciate your friend, your child, your parent, your partner or your spouse – NO MATTER WHAT – no matter how angry, sad, self-centered, unfair, difficult or demanding they are?
Watch this new movie from Simple Truths.com. Practice the 100-0 RULE for a full 30 days and see what happens. Imagine living that way, day in and day out, taking full responsibility for every one of your interactions with every single relationship? Please watch this simple movie and share your comments below.
http://www.100-0principle.com/?cm_mmc=Responsys-_-TU-_-08.24.10-_-HUZOmovie
Would you like to learn how to implement the 100-0 Rule to transform your relationhips? Sign up for the upcoming AMP Up Your Relationship Teleseminar.
Ask a question at http://www.ASKDrE.com
Listen to the introduction replay at http://www.ASKDrE.com/reply.php.
August 25th, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Hi Erica,
I think we all struggle with the concept of giving without expectation of getting anything back. I was struck by Brian Tracy’s quote in the movie, “80% of life’s satisfaction comes from meaningful relationships.” I guess I never really say it quantified before, but it makes sense.
Thanks for sharing your powerful post.
Debbie Stevens recently posted..That Feeling of Success
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Deborah,
It really is true that so much of our satisfaction comes from relationships yet we often put so much more of our energy into work or other pursuits.
Erica
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August 25th, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Erica,
Thanks for sharing one of Brian Tracy’s videos. I’ve always enjoyed these. Reading your post was a bit today. I can accept giving 100% everywhere except I feel very constricted over my J.O.B. I’ll have to examine that thought more.
Val
Val Wilcox recently posted..A Mind That is Stretched…
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Val,
Interesting. I guess when it truly becomes difficult or impossible to give 100% to something, then it is not your passion, not the job you really want to be doing. But you also have to be realistic. We need money to focus on the things we really want to do. So then you probably need to hold on to your vision of what you truly want and give 100% to the steps toward that vision.
Warmly, Erica
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August 25th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Erica,
What a great principle. I have actually tried this before (not knowing the principle existed) and it really worked well. I don’t believe it will work 100% of the time, as some people are just to self-centered or oblivious. But, in many relationships I think it can really work. Thanks for sharing the video. Scott Pollov
Scott Pollov recently posted..Raising Capital Check Out SBIR-STTR Grants
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 5:05 pm
Scott, It is true that it will not work 100% of the time. So, after giving 100% for some period of time and not feeling satisfied that there is reciprocation, it becomes easier to just let go of the person or situation because you know you have given it your all.
Erica
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August 25th, 2010 at 6:43 pm
Okay Erica
I’m going to use the 100/0 principle for 30 days and chart the results. Is it difficult to not pre-determine the results when you can already see the outcome? There is a friendship that I’m having a hard time letting go of. A friend of 30+ years has gone deep into depression and won’t communicate with anyone. I continue to try to reach out to her, but the attempts appear to be futile.
Darlene Davis recently posted..Whacking Limiting Beliefs
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 11:40 pm
As I said to Scott, I think you apply the 100/0 principle for as long as you can. And then when your feedback tells you the other person is not responding, there may be a point when you have given enough and you move on. You can still hold that person in your mind with positive thoughts.
Erica
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August 25th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
Hmmm, I don’t know how I feel about this one. I love Simple Truths, and watch and own many of their books and videos. This one only partially jives with me. I fully believe in taking authentic responsibility for our actions, but to ALWAYS give and expect nothing in return? I get the idea that over time it would be 100/100 ~ but that’s what I’m looking for from the START of a relationship. I would never continue to engage with people who were giving me 0 back! There’s just too many “circumstances” that don’t fit with this principle for me.
I think this 100/0 principle applies well as a general life principle, to be a go-giver with everyone you encounter on a day to day basis ~ sometimes that act of giving can create a beautiful ripple effect of giving, like the pay-it-forward concept. But in my deep relationships with my husband, my closest friends….well, it just wouldn’t work to get nothing in return. Not sure if I’m getting my point across, but don’t want to write a novel here. I do love the idea (and reality) of giving to create more 100/100 relationships.
Beth Allen recently posted..How to Create Lists on Facebook and Optimize your Experience & Effectiveness
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
I guess this theory needs a little more fine tuning. In a business project, wouldn’t it work best to give it 100% effort, even if you don’t know what the final outcome will be? I guess it’s the same with relationships. If you give 100%, regardless of how much the other person is giving, sooner or later they will begin to give back – and if they don’t, you will probably find it very easy to let go and move on.
There are so many stories of teachers or step-parents who just did not give up on a child, continued to love him or her no matter how difficult the child was behaving, and then finally, at some point, the child softened and learned. Helen Keller was like a wild animal. Her teacher had to give 100% with very little evidence of any change in her pupil – until much later.
But we need to have our own needs met or we cannot possibly give 100% to anybody. Sometimes we can get those needs met somewhere else which frees up our energy to give 100%.
And this may not work for anybody or everybody in every situation.
Erica
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August 25th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
Hi Erica,
giving unconditionally makes sense to me.
This principle sounds good as long as we don’t end up a doormat.
Giving freely when it feels good, yes; if it doesn’t feel good at the core of our being, going against our gut feeling, no.
Thanks for the post.
Yorinda
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August 25th, 2010 at 11:50 pm
Yorinda,
You have added an important and missing piece here. We do have to trust our gut. If we sense that the person is shut down and if we have enough patience they may begin to respond, that is very different from beating a dead horse – loving someone unconditionally who does not love us back.
Erica
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August 26th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
Hi Erica,
I liked the point you made, that relationships (with anyone) are more than give and take/give and receive, that its truly about how much are you willing to give unconditionally? Imagine if everyone had this attitude…wow! I appreciate you sharing
Christine
Christine Casey recently posted..How do you use Facebook
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:12 am
Well if everyone had this attitude it would certainly be a lot easier to give unconditionally.
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August 26th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Hi Erica…
This is a hard one for me…I had to walk away get a glass of juice and think for a bit before I could comment. Okay I’m back. I could not give and give with nothing in return. I think this would brake down my spirit, in fact I know it would.
I would like to talk to Mother Teresa and she what she would have to say. She made a life out of giving, but she also didn’t have a husband…I don’t think. Her boss was/is God….God gave every thing and at the end only few loved him in return.
It would be s total selfless love…but maybe in return all the love would come back. WOW! Dr Erica you always write such thought provoking posts.
It would be a deep work on the inside of me to walk with this kind of giving love.
Debby db
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:16 am
Debby, I don’t think you realize just how much you are naturally giving – unconditionally – to your husband and all your children. Often, those people who really are giving to others (like yourself) don’t even realize you are already doing it. Giving 100% is not necessarily just doing everything to please someone else. It also requires speaking your mind, being present with all your emotions, and even standing up for yourself when necessary.
Erica
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August 27th, 2010 at 12:05 am
Beautiful post Erica. I completely agree with the 100/0 principle in all aspects of our lives – relationships, charity, our businesses, etc. What a wonderful world it would be if we all practiced this principle. Thanks for a great post and for the challenge to live with this principle.
Wendy
Wendy Hewlett recently posted..The 11 Forgotten Laws- 8 – The Law of Forgiveness
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:20 am
Thanks Wendy. Giving 100% no matter what can bring incredible results, over time, unexpected and surprising. Most of us start expecting too much too soon from relationships, business, etc. It’s not easy but a wonderful way to live. Two people come to mind as I am writing this – Bob Proctor and Les Brown.
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August 27th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
powerful video, and this is how i was taught to interact in social media: give content for free, make it your best stuff, and expect nothing in return. it only takes a few interested parties to be successful in our space!
but i like your suggestion to use this same philosophy in our relationships. i do believe one person can change a broken relationship, because their actions will alter the environment for the other, and as a result how the other responds. i see debby’s struggle with it though, but i can see myself keeping this pearl in the back of my head everyday: give give GIVE!
Melissa McCloud recently posted..Wasting Your Life In Second Life
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 4:57 pm
As I said to Debby, I KNOW she is already giving 100% – that’s what she does in her business and that carries over to her personal life. I keep looking back at the times when I did not give fully, when I expected returns too soon and was disappointed, dejected and perhaps gave up. But when we observe anyone who has succeeded (in love, marriage, business, sports, art), they did not give up. Some continued way beyond the point that everyone around them thought they were foolish. Giving 100% requires a strength of mind and purpose that few people possess but those who do can literally conquer the world.
Warmly,
DrErica
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August 28th, 2010 at 3:30 am
Great post Erica. I have always learned that should always give without expecting something in return. From time to time I forget that but over years I have learned how great it is for both people to live this way and really come from the heart. Thank you for sharing.
Julie Elliott recently posted..The Power Of A Orgainized Life
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 28th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
Julie,
I have also forgotten at times (especially in traffic or when things go wrong or are delayed….). However, when the more I focus on just giving, the more wonderful things seems to happen.
Warmly,
DrErica
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August 28th, 2010 at 5:32 am
Erica,
I agree completely with you: it’s ALL about what you’re willing to GIVE in a relationship. Love the 100/0 Rule. The danger though, is if you’re giving 100% because you’re counting on the paradox, you’re not really giving 100% and you probably won’t receive it back in that way. It’s hard to be clean, we can only do our best.
Thanks so much,
Adam
Dr. Adam Sheck recently posted..Get Your Man To Share His Feelings
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 28th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Adam, Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I think it is a goal to strive for, to give 100/0. But we have to be nurturing of our self and if we find it is just too difficult, sometimes we have to let go and find a different place to give 100%.
Erica
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August 28th, 2010 at 8:57 pm
Erica,
I totally agree! I believe this concept should be applied to every aspect of our lives. What we give and put out will come back to us. As long as we are always giving of ourselves in a positive way that is what will come back to us. Although this may not always be true in relationships, we have to truly believe that we will ultimately receive what we truly desire in our hearts. Even if relationships don`t always work out. Thanks.
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August 28th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
Darcy, When we give 100% in a relationships it does not always lead to the other person reciprocating. But if we have to leave, we can rest assured that we did our very best and if we keep giving this way, lo and behold, some new person will appear who chooses to reciprocate with their 100/0. It just doesn’t always come from the direction from which we expect it.
Warmly,
Erica
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August 29th, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Hey Erica
I like the idea 100/0 principle for personal relationships however I am not too sure about it applying to my job
In my opinion my job should be a 100/100 relationship where I am rewarded for my effort. It is a value/value relationship.
I always enjoy Brian Tracy so thanks for the video
Peter
Peter Fuller MBA recently posted..Why Are You Making It So Hard For Me To Share Your Content
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 5:43 am
Peter, Congrats on being the #1 Blog Commentator on TSA – a sure sign of giving 100%. You are right about wanting a job to be 100/100 but sometimes it takes awhile to get there. Very often you have to give a lot without seeing the desired results for awhile. Same goes for relationships. Ideally, you give 100% and your partner gives 100% but sometimes that can also take quite awhile to establilsh.
Erica
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August 31st, 2010 at 3:55 am
I was not familiar with the 100/0 rule, but it does make perfect sense to me. If you think about it, when you do something, do you do it so that you can get something in return? That sounds like a sales transaction. In a relationship it seems that if you are driven by how much you will get back for your effort, your focus is in the wrong place.
Furthermore, the balance can never be entirely even. In other words, sometime you have to give more, and other times someone else will. So, to strive to always give 100% is a great one. In reality the return will not be 0 often. It just may not always be 100%.
karin recently posted..One-way backlinks from CommentLuv Comments
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 5:38 am
Karin,
You brought up a really important point, that there is a balance. Relationships really run into problems when one or both people are calculating how much they have given and how much they expect to receive. Just knowing something is “expected” can make you less willing to give it.
Erica
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August 31st, 2010 at 12:49 pm
I suppose in some areas of my life I’m a 100/0 kind of guy. However I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that some things or people I simply don’t care enough about to even think to try 1000/0. Cold I know, but I’m trying to work with my heart to understand why I harbor this. But there is one area and person where I simply go bonkers trying to give 100/0. You guess it, my wife. We both are so in love it never even occurs to expect anything in return. And when either of us does something that disappoints the other, we just look at each other and laugh. Because we know we’re going to disappoint each other at sometime so we choose to laugh and move on. Good stuff Erica.
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 2:42 am
If everyone gave 100% to their spouse, imagine what a happy world this would be – children would flourish, single people would have to find other single people to hook up with, people would be happier and more productive….
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August 31st, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Hi Erica
I loved the video, loved the post. It is insightful in my opinion to give and ask for nothing. It is what the great religious leaders and philosophers have recommended for thousands of years.
Who doesn’t feel good when you have done a service for someone? If we get good feelings from sharing a smile, giving something of ourselves, then often that is enough. It’s the Karma thing. Do good and good will be returned.
Yes, in the end we need someone to buy stuff…..but good service, kindness and sharing of ourselves leads to repeat customers and relationships that last for a long, long time.
Thank you for the video. It has been shared with my family. A great lesson for me.
Peter
peter chapman recently posted..Creating Good Karma – The Key to Network Marketing Success!
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 2:39 am
Peter, I’m so pleased that you enjoyed the video and shared it with your family. Giving 100% is certainly not always an easy task. I often give a lot but that still small voice inside sometimes leads me to expect something back and get annoyed when it is not forthcoming. But then I get a reminder like this movie….
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August 31st, 2010 at 3:20 pm
[...] By joeymaq Relationships – Are You Willing to Give 100%? http://createhealingandlovenow.com/blog/relationships-are-you-willing-to-give-100/ [...]
August 31st, 2010 at 7:38 pm
Erica -
I’ve always heard — and tried to live by the rule — that relationships are not 50/50 ventures, but 100% both ways. I agree that we must do our part in giving 100% with no expectation of return. However, there sometimes comes a point where giving that 100% becomes a burden, or the other person begins taking advantage of the relationship — at which point it ceases to be healthy for either involved. Your thoughts?
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August 31st, 2010 at 8:12 pm
I would say that is certainly a wonderful place to start – giving 100% to your spouse, the one you love. I guess the goal is to give 100% wherever you feel the passion. We could not possibly give 100% everywhere or we would be totally drained in no time. We do need some nurturing and personal replenishment.
Erica
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September 13th, 2010 at 12:55 am
It seems like an oxymoron to give and then it will come back to you, but you are so right. I’ve done it and seen the benefit. It might not come back quickly, but when you need it, it seems to appear. Giving without intention is a powerful gesture, but sure feels good to see how it affects the other person.
Thanks,
Mike
Mike Pedersen recently posted..The Secret To Success When Networking For Realtors
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
September 13th, 2010 at 3:12 am
Thanks for stopping by Mike. I agree, giving without intention brings results, even if it is just seeing another person’s face light up.
Erica
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January 13th, 2011 at 3:22 am
I am the type of person that DOES give 100% into my relationships, especially with my boyfriend and close friends. I have tried to expect nothing in return, but it ends with me being walked over. If I am nice to someone and there for them when they are not there for me, why would they change their actions?
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
January 16th, 2011 at 12:45 am
Christine,
Giving 100% does not mean we have to be a doormat. It really means we are in the relationship fully and totally willing to give. But we also need to confront our partner when he or she is not holding up their share of the giving. Sometimes the biggest gift we can give is to love our own self 100%. I guess there is a big paradox here. It is essential to be willing and to actually give 100% but it is also essential to be able and willing to walk away at any moment, to not be attached, to not give with the intention and expectation of a desired result.
Erica
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November 13th, 2011 at 12:07 pm
I give 100 % , if it’s not returned, I move on
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
November 15th, 2011 at 2:49 am
David,
It depends how long you are willing to spend giving 100%. Sometimes it takes awhile before the other person is ready to respond fully. But often, if you let go of those who won’t participate fully (in business, in love relationships, in life), then you have made room to connect with those who will participate fully.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
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