The 3 Serious Relationship Sins

We have all committed relationship sins, perhaps without even realizing.  In fact, it may have seemed so natural that we never even thought twice about it.

  • Are you guilty of committing any relationship sins, ever? 
  • Have your sins caused others to suffer irreparable emotional damage?
  • Have you endured intense emotional upset because someone is blaming you?
  • Do you feel guilty for having your own particular wants, needs and desires?
  • Have you committed unforgivable relationship sins?

 

By now you may be squirming, thinking “Uh-Oh,” my sins have been discovered. 

  • I am not as loving and giving as I pretend to be. 
  • I don’t always put my partner’s needs first. 
  • I have a big temper that often upsets those closest to me. 
  • I cheated on my partner once or I’m currently having an ongoing affair. 
  • I have a sexual fetish that I haven’t told anyone about.
  • I have a private addiction that could hurt my relationship.

Now, take a deep breath and a sigh of relief.  The list above are not the primary relationship sins, merely some of the many symptoms, the type of results that may occur, and not the original cause.  The mental process, the subconscious belief, and a certain incorrect way of thinking is always the cause.

Here are the three basic relationship sins.

  1. You think, believe and “know” the cause of the problem is outside yourself.
  2. You create an idol, a God, out of something or someone outside of yourself.
  3. You give, maybe you even give a lot, but you have an expectation of ROI.

#1 – If you truly believe the cause of any problem, any problem at all, is outside yourself and you are just a victim of circumstances, then your relationships are bound to suffer.  Your intimate partner will tell you something that disturbs him or her and you will put blinders on, seeing that person as demanding, controlling, selfish, wanting something from you, etc.  You co-worker suggest a new idea and you put your blinders on again, seeing that idea as useless or too difficult to implement or a threat to your currently comfortable way of working.

Seeing the problem, any problem, as outside yourself is a prescription for conflict and less than optimal success.  Begin to view all problems, even a non-working piece of equipment, as in some way related to something you have done, not done, overlooked, not properly cared for or at least a part of some higher plan that you do not currently understand.

#2 – Do not create an idol, a God, out of anyone or anything outside yourself.  Don’t idolize some beautiful young woman who appears to have everything you want.  Don’t idolize a man who appears to have the strength and romantic capability you long for. Don’t idolize a guru in your field of work or study.  Don’t idolize or turn to a substance or activity as a way of comforting yourself and avoiding facing your own reality.  Yes, it is okay to have preferences and people and activities that you enjoy, but beware when you make them into an idol that you pursue regardless of the effect upon the rest of your life.

#3 – Learn to give from your heart, freely and openly, without expectation of  ROI (return on investment).  Do not think of giving as an investment.  Do not give money to someone in order to buy their love.  Do not offer your body sexually to “obligate” someone into becoming intimate.  Do not give from an empy emotional bank account.  Fill your own consciousness with love and abundance first.  Then give from your own overflow without concern for receiving a return.  Good will eventually return to you, but it often comes from a source other than the one you expect it from.  Give freely and feel the gratitude in your heart, gratitude for your own abundance and ability to give. 

There you have it – the three serious relationship sins.  Your task now is to avoid these sins whenever possible, acknowledge them when they occur, and make it your goal to overcome them.  Enjoy your life fully.  Go — and sin no more!

Feel you can’t do it alone?  Please reach out for help.  Schedule a private coaching or counseling session

Prefer reading a book to help you practice the art of loving, Love Me, Touch Me, Heal Me or choose an ebook at LoveTouchHealEbooks

Warmly,

DrErica

 

Living The Four Noble Truths

In my previous post, I introduced the Noble Eightfold Matrix, a powerfully noble and righteous way to live your life.  Buddhism has some beautiful, yet quite simple, truths that we can all benefit from.  This post describes the Four Noble Truths.  Once we truly understand these principles, we can truly live in the moment, each moment.  We can more readily accept whatever life is offering us, find the joy wherever we can, forgive more easily, and let go more often. 

I am not a practicing Buddhist, but for me, these concepts have a real calming effect, helping me to step back from my life and observe it without emotion and without concern.  Please let me know how these simple statements affect you.

1st Noble Truth – Life means suffering.  Suffering is an integral part of the human experience.  Everything changes; nothing lasts; nothing remains the same over time.  Even if we find love and joy, pleasure and peace, it will eventually end.  People we love will disappoint us.  Our bodies will change and sometimes hurt.  We will have a wide range of experiences and emotions, many of them unpleasant, such as anger, sadness, shame, humiliation, and betrayal.  The seasons change, daylight turns to darkness, In fact, the only thing we can truly count on is change.

2nd Noble Truth – The origin of suffering is attachment. Suffering often results from our belief that we must have things a certain way.  When people, places and things are not the way we expect them to be, we experience physical or emotional pain – and – we experience suffering.

3rd Noble Truth – The way to end suffering is to remove the cause, attachment.  Letting go, detaching from sensual craving, clinging and neediness leads to the realization that there is hope.  When we let go of our attachments, we begin to understand that the way we thought things have to be is not necessarily correct.  The goal is Nirvana, freedom from all expectati0ns, unpleasant thoughts, worries, concerns and troubles.

4th Noble Truth – There is a path to follow toward ending suffering, The Noble Eightfold Matrix.  It is the middle road between two extremes: hedonism (total focus on sensual pleasure and self-aggrandizement in the moment) vs. asceticism (excessive self-denial and avoidance of pleasure).  Cravings, ignorance and attachment can only be removed gradually, according to Buddhist philosophy, this can only occur over many lifetimes.  Within one lifetime, Nirvana is only an elusive, unattainable goal.

*  What if YOU KNEW that suffering is just an expected part of life? 

*   What if you really understood how ALL of your personal suffering is caused by your belief that current circumstances should not be the way they are? 

*  What if you decided to let go of your cravings, desires and expectations, having dreams and goals as preferences, with no attachment to the outcome of any of your efforts? 

*  What if you could really follow the Noble Eightfold Matrix? 

*  Can you imagine how your life, your business and your relationships could be? Would it be very different from the way it is now?

For a consultation, http://www.DrEricaWellness.com, for a healing book, http://budurl.com/MyLuluStore, and for a healing ebook, http://budurl.com/LoveTouchHealEbooks

Warmly,

Erica

Relationship Success – The Noble Eightfold Matrix

*  Are your relationships satisfying, fulfilling, joyful and pleasing to you?

*  Do you have expectations that must be met, beliefs that you will not compromise on, and attitudes that must be matched? 

*  If your partner, lover, family member, friend or acquaintance appears to think, feel and act in ways that you approve, is that what it takes for you to feel okay about yourself and about the other person?

*  What if that same person appears to think, feel and act in ways that you disapprove, dislike or downright hate?  Does that give you a sense of personal unworthiness or a judgment about the inadequacies of this other person?

The wisdom of ancient Buddhist philosophy may hold some answers to bring about greater joy and lesser suffering for all of us.  I am not personally a practicing Buddhist, but I have found this eightfold matrix to be a powerful tool for individuals and couples to master their interpersonal communication as well as their own emotional states.  Each of these eight principles begins with the word “right,” suggesting there is only one right way of thinking or behaving, but this can be interpreted to mean the most authentic, life affirming, and effective attitude, perspective or behavior.

1.  Right View  – “seeing things as they really are without fear or expectations”

2.  Right Intention  –  “giving up the need for controlling and manipulating”

3.  Right Speech  –  “communicate truth without expectation as to…the outcome”

4.  Right Discipline   “keep our lives uncomplicated…understand the difference between wants and needs”

5.  Right Livelihood – do our work “with a full heart and an eye to excellence” and “Our livelihood ideally makes a contribution to the   common good”

6.  Right Effort  – “no struggle as we interact with others…we experience     maximum impact for minimal energy”

7.  Right Mindfulness – “We notice our physical selves…We have awareness of our feelings and emotions…our state of mind and our reactions to what we encounter.”

8.  Right Concentration – “more fully focused in the moment…immersed in the now…aware of what we perceive and…how we are   perceived.”

For a more comprehensive explanation of this noble eightfold matrix, http://online.sagepub.com/search?fulltext=The+Noble+Eightfold+Relationship+Matrix&src=hw&andorexactfulltext=and&submit=yes&x=31&y=6

Please take a moment now to review this eightfold matrix and share with me how many of these thoughts and actions resonate with you in your life right now.  How many do you find naturally occurring?  Which ones might require some thought, perhaps study, and then some additional practice?  Which ones have perhaps been thorny issues in your life that may take some hard work and intensive thinking to incorporate into your life now?

For a private consultation, http://www.DrEricaWellness.com

Have you taken the Healing Through Love quiz yet?  http://www.CreateHealingAndLoveNow.com/special.htm

Read a healing book at http://budurl.com/MyLuluStore

Let’s Begin Our Healing Journey

A journey of a thousand steps, a journey of a lifetime, a journey into the depths of your consciousness begins with one small step.  One tiny, almost imperceptible step taken with full focus provides the energy and impetus to take the next step, and then the step after that.  Any significant journey begins with some preparation, thought, imagination and readiness.  Are you ready to begin?

Here we go?  Answer this one question.  Respond with your most immediate and instant response.  Don’t linger and ponder and try to figure out the best answer.  Just go for it.  What do you have to lose?  Remember, this is only the very first step in a long, long journey.  Every journey begins with one simple step.  Although the question you are about to answer appears to be very simple, it is actually quite complex and profound.  For each and every one of us, there are many ways to respond.  Different aspects of your life and your being will be in the forefront at different times, sometimes even within the span of a few minutes.

Your question for today is:  WHO ARE YOU?

Who are you?  What words do you use to define yourself at this moment in time?  Are you choosing words that emanate from within you or are these words that you have often heard from others?  Are these the words you want to use to describe YOU or are they the words you think you have to use?  Do you believe these words are the truth about who you are?  Do you think that maybe, just maybe, there are some words that could describe you but you haven’t quite found those words yet – or – you haven’t quite allowed that part of yourself to come forth and be exposed?

Don’t stop here.  Ask yourself this same question at different times today, tomorrow and the next day.  Ask yourself this question for an entire week.  Discover for yourself what words you are currently using to define who you are, who you believe you are and who others have told you that you are.

Remember, every significant journey begins with a small step.  In responding to this simple question, you have begun that journey.  if you take the journey slowly, step by step, it will feel easy and effortless and perhaps even joyful.  It will feel like the gradual opening of the petals of a flower, gradual peeling away of the layers of an onion, gradual exploration into the depths of your own consciousness.

http://budurl.com/Createloveheal 

Find just the right ebook to guide you with a step by step series of theories, facts and exercises, click on the link below.

http://www.createhealingandlovenow.com/special.htm

To find out more about me, contact me directly, or receive a personal consultation:

http://www.DrEricaWellness.com or http://www.SexualReawakening.com

Welcome to my blog.  I look forward to sharing thoughts and feelings, experiences, insights and loving communications with you.  My goal is to create healing and love in the world.  Your willingness to participate adds one more person to be filling the world with healing and love.  Let’s work together now to tip the balance and open the hearts of those who haven’t yet found the love within them.

Dr. Erica