ACCEPTANCE is the quality most us are seeking to receive and longing to feel in all of our relationships. The opposite, rejection or dismissal, can be the most painful and self-demeaning experiences in our lives. When we feel put down, ignored, invalidated or unnoticed, our world as we know it can collapse. It doesn’t matter if we are the most intelligent, most attractive, most talented, best performing athlete, highest paid speaker, most accurate scientist, or most sensitive lover, our sense of ACCEPTANCE can greatly influence the way we view our self, our life, and our actual performance.
You may have a strong INCENTIVE, INTENTION, PRESENT MOMENT awareness, DRIVE, inner ARCHITECT, PATIENCE, ability to SURRENDER, COMMITMENT, TRUST, DISCERNMENT, PASSION, DESIRE, CREATIVITY, SENSUALITY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, COMPASSION, and COMMUNICATION. You PRACTICE relationships skills, you balance TOGETHERNESS and AUTONOMY, your SENSITIVITY. UNDERSTANDING, RECEPTIVITY and FORGIVENESS are readily apparent. But are you able to allow full ACCEPTANCE of your relationship exactly the way it is at the current moment without feeling the pressure to deny, suppress or change something immediately.
Today’s question is: How strong is your emotional capacity for full and unswerving ACCEPTANCE of the current reality in your business, professional, and personal relationships?
- Are you able to receive the gifts that others are willing and able to give, even if they fall far short of your desires and expectations?
- Can you tolerate differences of opinion, lifestyle, values, behaviors and attitudes and even acquiesce in support of another person’s agenda?
- Can you freely recognize, acknowledge, and approve of others even when their beliefs and actions directly conflict with your own?
Ask yourself NOW: How easily and readily can I allow ACCEPTANCE to overrule my need to be right, my desire to make changes, and my fear that I am losing control in a relationship?
ACCEPTANCE may be the glue that holds a relationship together. After many years of shared space at home or in a work environment, ACCEPTANCE of each others temperament, needs, and style of behaving can lessen the stress and expand the love. Love and ACCEPTANCE is the honey that soothes old wounds, bridges gaps in communication, and feeds the process of bonding in any relationship.
Relationships are built upon the complexity and interactions among all the different possible qualities, both positive and negative, that we can bring. Every quality is important, to some degree. It is really the balance among all the different possibilities that can lead to joy and happiness or sadness and emotional devastation.
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This week I was reminded of Ho’oponopono, a powerful yet very simple Hawaiin process for clearing limited beliefs, unproductive programming, and emotional upsets stored in memory. In a beautifully written blog post, Yorinda Wanner introduces this powerful work with 2 very special and unique videos. One video shows Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len teaching the 4 part process as an Inner Child Meditation in such a gentle and profound way. The other video provides images and music to enhance the process. Yorinda offers her own interpretation and simplified understanding. She also references the book, Zero Limits, by Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len which explains the process of Ho’oponopono in greater detail.
I would like to apply this 4 step process to healing and enhancing love in your most intimate relationships. Here are the 4 short and easy to remember statements.
- I am sorry.
- Please forgive me.
- I love you.
- Thank you.
Simple, right? Well, not quite so simple. There is a certain way to approach using these 4 statements and the approach, attitude and repetition is what creates the powerful and enduring effect of the Ho’oponopono process.
Dr. Len uses the following sequence in his video for you to speak to and connect with your own subconscious mind, your own inner child, the one who holds all the memories, the one who “holds the mortgage” on your emotional life.
Watch Dr. Len’s video about Ho’oponopono Inner Child Meditation
Imagine now that you are treating your most intimate partner as if he or she is your own inner child, needing to hear from YOU these words of acknowledgement:
- thanking him or her just for existing and for being part of you now
- declaring your sincere and absolute enduring and unending love
- expressing that you are truly sorry for the pain the other person feels
- asking for forgiveness for any way you may have added to the hurt and pain
- repeating many times: “I love you.”
Try this process with your most intimate partner – or – face yourself in a mirror and repeat the process directly with yourself as if YOU were your own most significant lover.
“For the first time in creation I am acknowledging your presence in me.” Dr. Len is talking about the presence of your own subconscious mind within you being acknowledged by your own conscious mind. But what if you are acknowledging the presence of your loved one inside of you?
Follow that acknowledgement by saying: “I love you.” Acknowledge all the hurts and pain that are stored within the mind (the subconscious mind) of your loved one and sincerely say “I’m sorry. Please forgive me for all the accumulated memories that you experience as sorrow, as grieving, as pain.”
“You’re talking to this other person, acknowledging your own responsibility and all of the woes that the other person has that you have created, accepted and accumulated and that you would like to have it undone. Always ask the other person for permission. Please allow me to stroke the top of your head with love and concern.”
Now say to the other person “I love you. Please forgive me for all of the accumulated woes that you now have stored in you. I am sorry.” You can teach this “child,” this person, how to do clear their thoughts and memories. But if you have not been acknowledging, accepting and loving this person or really caring for him or her, the other person will not be able to let go of the stored memories.
Stroking this person’s head, say “I love you. Thank you for being part of me. And I’m sorry if I have been neglectful, if I have not taken good care of you. I’m sorry.”
Ask the other person for permission, if it is okay to hug him or her gently. “Please allow me to hug you. Thank you for being part of me. I love you. And I’m sorry for all accumulated memories that you experience as pain and suffering. Please, please forgive me.”
Ask the other person to give you his or her hand. Ask: “Please give me your hand so I can stroke it gently.” Reach for the hand. Grasp it gently. Gently stroking it, say: “Thank you for being part of me. A part I have not paid much attention to. And I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.”
Imagine providing such loving, accepting, caring, gentle, acknowledging words and actions for your intimate partner. With tender loving intimate concern, just think how our relationships could blossom and thrive.
If this process seems to hokey or too mechanistic for you, then try imagining this in your mind, expressing those thoughts and feelings toward your partner – even if you don’t’ actually say the words out loud. Imagine truly feeling sorry when you partner is suffering, rather than being a bit annoyed, impatient or condescending.
Please share your thoughts and reactions to using these powerful words and tender actions with someone you love.
Here’s to creating joyful and loving relationships in your life.
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In your relationship, do you feel as if you on on the edge of a cliff with no place to go but downhill?
Have you been guilty of ignoring requests for connection and refusing to take responsibility for your contribution to problems that arise?
Has your partner ever presented you with one of the following complaints?
- 1. Relationship Negligence – willful neglect of basic relationship needs such as face to face communication, physical affection, sexual contact and time spent together in meaningful activity.
- 2. Failure to Provide Emotional Support – willful unwillingness to make an effort to understand how your partner is feeling, often telling him or her to “just get over it.”
- 3. Failure to Communicate – willful witholding of words, not listening and hearing your partner’s words, refusing to engage in dialogue and showing evidence that you do not want to hear what your partner wants to say.
- Failure to Celebrate Special Occasions – willful forgetting of birthdays, anniversaries and special holidays or merely providing the minimum with no attention to details that would make your partner smile and feel good.
- Failure to Be Romantic – willful witholding of affection, rarely touching in a loving way, and never creating exciting and unexpected adventures
- Shaming, Demeaning and Denigrating – willful putting down of your partner, knowing their sensitive issues and rubbing salt on their emotional wounds
- Infringement on Partner’s Space – willful intrusion into your partner’s space, not allowing him or her to have friendships or activities apart from your relationship, checking up on his or her cell phone, social media networks, and business activities
- Triangulation of the Relationship – willful involvement of friends and family in your relationship issues, enabling friends and relatives to side with you against your partner to prove that you are right and he or she is wrong
- Fraud in the Inducement – willful misrepresentation of what you will do and will not do in the relationship, dangling a carrot to get your own needs met at the expense of what your partner says he or she wants and needs.
- Breach of Contract – willful cheating through deceptive and secretive emotional and/or sexual involvement with a person outside your relationship
As a Healing Through Love Mentor and Spiritual Relationship Healing Expert I can help you to overcome your own propensity for relationship malpractice and I can help you to counteract the relationship malpractice that has been inflicted upon you.
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Love emanates from within us and moves outward toward others. Watch the sweet endearing gaze of a baby, inspiring tenderness and love from everyone who sees those big innocent eyes. Babies need to receive attention and nurturing from outside to sustain life, but the love just naturally emanates from within. They don’t have to be taught how to be loving and endearing. Love oozes out of them, easily and effortlessly.
It turns out that not only love but everything we think and do, believe and experience, emanates from within us. Two people growing up in the same home often create entirely different life experiences and look back on very different childhood memories. Each person has a unique and separate memory of the exact same life events.
As we grow and develop skills, life skills, sports abilities, intellectual and emotional competencies, and the capacity for love, we forget how much of our outer experience begins within us. Yes, other people may behave in ways that are intrusive, unfair and downright abusive. But we can decide how to respond and how we are going to feel. We can accept what we cannot change at the moment and we can visualize what we want and intend to have in our future. And then, seemingly without much effort, the present situation seems to melt away and we are able to enter our promised land.
- Do you believe that love is an inner game or do you still think it comes from the outside?
- Do you believe that some people have been given certain gifts and it is easy for them but difficult or impossible for you?
- Do you believe that life happens from the inside out or from the outside in?
Need a love boost from a caring, compassionate, loving coach and mentor who understands the pain and joy of love?
Here’s to living your life in love.