The Top Ten Reasons Parents Get Divorced – Guest Post

Marriage can be the most wonderful life experience.  
Two people aligned with similar goals and dreams 
committed to spending a lifetime together. For some 
lucky couples, life together works better than either 
of their lives alone.  And then there are the majority 
of people who suffer in the state of marriage.  At 
least 50% choose to divorce and yet a large percentage 
of those who remain together are not creating marital 

When I received an email with a link to this 
article I thought this could be helpful and provide 
some insight for my readers who want to stay and 
build a beautiful, loving marriage.  Find out why 
people tend to divorce - and then do what it takes 
to prevent that from happening, if you can, and -
if staying married is more important to you than 

The Top Ten Reasons Parents Get Divorced

Guest Post from

“Very few people get married with the intention of getting divorced. The U.S. Census Bureau and research think tanks such as the Barna Group have revealed some sobering statistics and findings on the subject, though. Overall, the divorce rate is almost at 50%. The news on the divorce front is not exactly good, but better news is that where children are involved the rate of divorce is 40% lower than those couples without children. Still the statistics can’t reflect the devastation that takes place for children of divorce.  parentsdivorce

There are several factors that affect the divorce rates. For example, the rates are considerably higher for young, low income families than they are older, college educated, middle class couples. Those who marry and have children right out of high school are at greater risk of divorce than couples who finish college, have decent wage jobs and wait until their mid to late twenties or older to wed. Professionals like Dr. William Doherty of the University of Minnesota have researched the issue of divorce, and have found interesting results. Time and again, papers citing reasons for divorce show similar causes. Parents give various explanations for ending their commitment to each other, and by default, their commitment to an intact family. Dr. Doherty maintains that, in most cases, the things that are pulling families apart can be dealt with and divorce may be prevented. Here are the most popular reasons for marriages ending in divorce.

  • Communication Issues – Many couples cite communication, or the lack of it, as a big factor in separation More women indicate this as a major influence than men. Parenting practices, money, religion and other important aspects of marriage are the concerns that need to be discussed, but often get ignored to the detriment of the relationship.
  • Incompatibility – This is often rooted in the non-communication issue. People will get married and only after time has passed realize that they don’t have as much in common as they originally believed. Over time, the issues that arise out of this lack of common ground cause the marriage to fail.
  • Financial Difficulty – The struggling economy has put a strain on most relationships, however some couples have additional stressors, such as one spouse being too free with money or keeping a very tight rein on the purse strings. When partners can’t agree on how the money should be handled, problems ensue.
  • Personal Problems – Everyone has personal issues of one sort or another that need to be dealt with for the good of the individual. Serious damage to the relationship can be caused when a spouse’s personal problems begin to spill over and affect the marriage negatively.
  • Lack of Attentiveness – A new baby, illness, work and other dynamics can play into the situation in which one or both partners feel that they’re being largely ignored. Unfortunately, too many couples fail to talk about the conflict or seek help. In each case, there are things that can be done and there is help available to mitigate the problem
  • Growing Apart – When people marry young and certain stressors hit the marriage, one spouse may grow in maturity at a faster rate than the other. Some people get married not realizing that their view of marriage is more akin to playing house than accepting the role of responsible adults. When one spouse comes to that reality before another, problems can often arise.
  • Intimacy Issues – Intimacy problems can have many root causes. A spouse with unresolved issues from the past could have intimacy issues. Illness may be a factor affecting intimacy, or intimacy may be lacking simply because a spouse has a fear of intimacy.
  • Addictions – Living with a spouse who is dealing with an addiction is very difficult, and the problems only escalate when treatment is not pursued. Drugs and alcohol can have devastating effects on family life. Other addictions such as gambling, shopping and pornography are just as capable of ripping a family apart at the seams.
  • Infidelity – Break-ups due to infidelity rank among the most difficult to deal with. When one partner chooses to go outside the marriage for intimacy, the impact strikes right to the core of the relationship. Trust is broken and the damage is often irreparable, with divorce sometimes feeling like the only feasible option.
  • Selfishness – This shows up in a variety of forms. It can take the form of never including the desires of the other person in decision making, or forcing every issue to be about one party while the other is ignored. Marriage is supposed to be a coming together of two people, but when one dominates the relationship to the near exclusion of the other’s thoughts and desires, cracks begin to form in the union.

It’s important to remember that with help, including counseling or therapy, most of the issues that lead to divorce can be overcome and many couples who seek help to preserve the marriage often come through the hard times with a relationship that’s stronger and more fulfilling than ever.”


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Here’s to living your life in love.




8 thoughts on “The Top Ten Reasons Parents Get Divorced – Guest Post

  1. Thorough list. My own divorce was clearly the result of our growing apart. My ex-husbands humor and adolescent way of looking at life was charming when we were young, but as I continued to grow and advance in my career and interests the gap just became too wide. In my opinion a lot has been written about how to make a marriage work, and not nearly enough on how to choose the right partner.

    • Marty,

      You are so right. We need to focus on choosing the best partner based upon our personality, needs, ambitions, lifestyle, dreams, family background. Attraction and fun are not usually enough to sustain a working relationship through all the trials and tribulations of life, marriage, parenting, business, etc.


      Dr. Erica

  2. A wise and trusted counsellor told me before Ian and I were married, that I was making an unwise choice because she didn’t think he was the kind of guy who thought things through before acting. I’m glad I didn’t listen to her that time, because as it turns out, Ian thinks things through almost TOO thoroughly, and sometimes takes a long time to make a decision on something. Which can be a problem in itself, but hey — I’m the same way, so who am I to complain?!

    We were “older” when we married — I was almost 29 and he was almost 34 — and we had nothing when we started. Ian didn’t even have a job, because he was laid off four days before our wedding. And we broke one of the cardinal rules by deciding to begin our family right away. 4 children before our 6th wedding anniversary?? Our 7th born we were 46 and 51?!!

    Today, after nearly 32 years of marriage, we are both happy with the choices we made. Our oldest daughter told me one time that she always felt secure as a child, no matter what difficulties we were going through, knowing that her parents were committed to each other for life. And I feel secure knowing that my husband is willing to put up with me no matter what! 🙂


    • Willena,

      It is that commitment to stay and work through the problems, no matter what. But it does require both people to have that commitment. One person can work hard to show and share love, to encourage the other person to come around to making that loving commitment. But as the saying goes: “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.” If one person is determined to not be willing to do what it takes and stay no matter what, sometimes it is best to let go and move on with one’s life.


      Dr. Erica

  3. Taking the other partner for granted is at the core of all these 10 other reasons. And when that happens, things begin to break and in many cases it reaches the divorce.

    It’s not a new phenomena. When we take our health for granted, we stop taking care of it and guess what, we lose it only to struggle to put it back on track.

    When we take our jobs for granted, don’t we lose it very soon?

    Same with marriage. When one partner starts to take the other for granted, the marriage is on a downhill ride and when the other partner joins the club – the divorce is reached as the destination.

    Just my two cents. Thank you for sharing 🙂


    • Kumar,

      Your words remind me that gratitude is truly the key to all success. Gratitude for our health, our wealth, our friendships and intimate relatonships – appreciating and acknowledging what is good in our life. Gratitutde brings more of what we want and less of what we don’t want.


      Dr. Erica

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