When Love is Not Enough
Is there ever a time when love is not enough? I believe that love is ALWAYS enough, that somehow we have not been able to love enough when we don’t get the results we desire. The problem, or flaw, in our thinking is about what we desire and our ability to recognize results when we attain them.
If we desire to “get” another person to love us the way we want to be loved, we may not possess enough of our own love to ‘get’ that person to conform to our needs. By attempting to “get” another person to fit our dream, we are not showing love and it is not respecting the other person’s process. No matter how close, no matter how emotionally intimate we believe we are with another person, we can never fully know and understand another person’s thoughts, motivations, beliefs, passions, dreams and goals. We can only derive an approximation of their full thinking process.
If you don’t believe this, think about your own thoughts. How often do you think something that another person might be shocked or horrified to know? How often do you think something but say something completely different? How much do you really know about another person and how much do others really know about you?
Love is always enough when we stop focusing on the other person, when we stop expecting to receive something specific from someone else. Love is enough when we focus on our own gratitude for being alive, when we take time every day to quiet our mind and to go within. Love is enough when we view every human being as a complete and sovereign entity, when we offer our love and compassion and friendship without expectation of immediate return on investment.
Love is not enough when we expect our life to be different from the way it currently is. Love is not enough when we demand that others “be’ different from the way they currently are. Love is not enough when we suffer over people and circumstance that we cannot control.
Change is the only certainty we have in life. We can love our life by accepting current reality as it is, whether we like it or not, and then continue to hold a clear vision of the way we want our life to be. If we hold on to our vision, let go of our fear of the unknown and our fear that the way it is right now is the way it will always be, we can take small steps every day toward reaching our goals.
Love is not enough if we stare at our current reality and berate our self for being where we are. Love is all we need if we can pat our self on the back and love our self, every single step along the way toward building the life and relationships we truly desire.
Is love enough in your life now? If not, what do you need to do, to be, to learn, or to receive so that you can honestly say to yourself that love is enough for you?









June 21st, 2010 at 3:41 am
Erica, This is worth re=posting — can I put it onto my blog?
My site is just coming together, yours looks GREAT~ good work!
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June 21st, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Thanks fro your post. The bottom line is we have no control over someone loving us back. We can put forth all the love to them and expect nothing in return.
Michael
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June 22nd, 2010 at 3:27 am
I believe love must start by loving ourselves, respecting ourselves and living life for NOW each minute of the day. I believe if we (I) make demands on someone to change so they will conform to what We (I)believe they should be it’s tainted conditional selfish love…if love at all. Is love enough for me….oh I’m back to the deep thoughts again. How can I answer this question with a comment…
Christ said to love…even the people that hate you and deceitfully use you for their gain. Yes. Love is enough when it pure l-o-v-e!
debby
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June 22nd, 2010 at 3:53 am
Michael,
Thanks for the reminder to love without expecting something in return, not always very easy to do.
Debby,
I appreciate the reminder that Christ said to love “even the people that hate you and deceitfully use you.” That is certainly more difficult. But somehow through love, we can gain a broader and more inclusive perspective.
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June 22nd, 2010 at 3:54 am
Suzanne,
Of course you can feel free to re-post this blog. Just give me the citation please.
Erica
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June 22nd, 2010 at 6:13 pm
Hi Erica,
I really related to this post, especially that change is inevitable, and if we love our life the way that it is, accepting current reality, then we can take those small steps each day that bring us closer to our goal(s).
Christine
Christine Casey recently posted..“3,317 Counter Points, Was It Worth Loosing My Family?”
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June 22nd, 2010 at 9:21 pm
Thanks for the powerful reminder Erica that love is all we need! Your title is provocative, and you made your point very clearly. I continue to grow in my ability to love my life right now, and my life continues to become more in sync with what I envision.
Thanks again for the inspiring words.
Jacqueilne Green recently posted..Father’s Day: Make it Memorable
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June 22nd, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Christine,
Than ks for commenting. As long as we know that change is inevitable, we don’t have to resist it, we can even welcome it – and that really helps when we feel momentarily stuck.
Jacqueline,
Thanks for your support. I am having a similar experience, the more I accept and love my life the way it is right now, it is slowly coming closer to my vision.
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June 23rd, 2010 at 1:13 am
Erica,
Wow… very, very cool post. Yes, love is always enough, and it is everything. Y
You’re so right… if we don’t feel love for our own lives, for what we have, where we are and who we are, then love for all else fails.
We read a quote once that said “Love starts on the inside”, and we truly believe that.
Thanks Erica… we appreciate you.
~ Pat and Lorna
http://TheCoolestCouple.com
Pat and Lorna Shanks recently posted..Life is a Party! It’s All About Being Social and Getting Together
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June 23rd, 2010 at 1:58 am
i love what you wrote about “stop expecting to receive something specific from someone else”. this is so powerful. the times when i HOPE and WISH that my husband will clean up, wash dishes, do laundry, etc. are when i get the most resentful. i take a moment to remember what i love about him. then, the times when he does the dishes and i don’t even expect him to are so wonderful.
i love your blog erica, your info is so relevant and helpful!
Melissa McCloud recently posted..How I Get My Husband To Do Dishes
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June 23rd, 2010 at 2:36 am
Pat and Lorna,
Love does start on the inside. Watch a little baby cooing and giggling and smiling. But love also has to come from the outside because we require relationships to thrive in the world.
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June 23rd, 2010 at 2:38 am
Melissa,
Thanks for adding your specific example. That is perfect. We can get so caught up in being upset over little stuff that we suppress our loving feelings. And it is in our own self interest to keep loving others.
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June 23rd, 2010 at 6:20 am
What a great post! Your writing is so poetic! It’s rhythm so relaxing to read. I find myself going in and out of the peace that “love is enough.” Fortunately, most of the time I’m in alignment: forgiving myself and others, allowing for my own human frailties and ignoring those of others. It’s those same human weaknesses that sometimes throw me in that state where “live is not enough.” I make a quick course correction when I find myself there.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Teresa Ivory recently posted..Do You Work For Free?
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 1:26 am
Teresa,
Thanks to you for sharing your blog wisdom with me. I believe I am able to reply directly to your comment. Sounds as if you’re in a really good place. So happy to hear that. The more we are able to share our love, the more love we feel.
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June 24th, 2010 at 3:10 am
Erica,
Another wonderful post on your series on love. I totally agree with you. I was talking to a friend the other day about how we lose the love when we get more attached to the object of our love than to the objective of love.
Thanks so much,
Adam
Dr. Adam Sheck recently posted..3 P’s of Relationship Dynamics: Pick, Provoke & Project
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
June 25th, 2010 at 12:49 am
Adam,
I like the way you are saying it, “we lose the love when we get more attached to the object of our love than to the objective of love.” When we truly love another, we allow them freedom to just be, even if that means that they choose to not be with us. But it can be really difficult to love without expecting something in return.
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June 25th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Isn’t love around though when you’re not happy? Because I think it’s love of self on some level that shows you the way if you are willing to look, so for me love embraces it all. Because without it you wouldn’t be able to see, experience the good in the bad … that little spark that saves you..

Lesly recently posted..When Wrong Words Fly
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Dr. Goodstone Reply:
June 25th, 2010 at 11:59 pm
Lesly, I love that description, “the little spark that saves you.” Amazing way to describe love.
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June 25th, 2010 at 11:21 pm
Erica,
Your posts are always so thought provoking and give me pause to consider. I love that. Another benefit is all the great comments that arise our of your posts. They are also of great value.
Spot on here. It’s about being giving without thought of return or expectations. It changes the whole dynamics of a relationship.
Thanks for another great view!

Val
Val Wilcox recently posted..When the Why is Big Enough…
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June 26th, 2010 at 12:01 am
Giving without EXPECTING to receive. We might receive exactly what we want, but then again we might not. But when we give, we WILL receive, sometimes in amazing ways that we could never have expected, but the gift comes as grace from some other source.
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June 29th, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Erica,
Your post really made me stop and think…Loving others where they are and without expectation of love returned is how it should be…
Wishing you a great and wonderful day,
Robin
Robin van der Merwe recently posted..Audio- Living a Life That Matters
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June 29th, 2010 at 6:54 pm
Robin, Thanks for stopping by to comment. Have a loving and lovely day.
Erica
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July 4th, 2010 at 4:09 am
Recently I had something happen to me. My landlord’s daughter blocked my garage so I could not get in which is annoying. Then a few days later I found someone did a hit and run and had smashed into my car. Tonight I inspected her bumper which looks scratched. I think she might have hit my car when leaving the day she blocked my garage.
Part of me thinks I should confront her and have her pay my $500. insurance deductible to stand up for myself but part of me knows dealing with her mother (my landlady) even under the best of circumstances is difficult enough and if I confront her daughter it may be the fast pass to my eviction because these people drink and are controlling, power tripping and not at all fair or rational. The whole incident feels like my boundaries have been violated severely. I also wonder if I don’t stand up for myself if the universe will continue to set up boundary lessons for me.
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July 5th, 2010 at 9:26 pm
Ouch Mindy,
That is not only a boundary violation but also a dilemma for you. Are you ready and willing to move if you speak up, confront your landlady’s daughter, and get only an angry, attacking response back? If you have a plan B, then it might be worth speaking up.
If for some reason you need to stay put for awhile, then it is probably better not to confront anyone – although you can just talk to her daughter about it, without demanding or expecting anything, perhaps in just a questioning tone and attitude?
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